[This is the 1st part of an origin story I have been writing for one of my toons. It's my 1st attempt at anything like this, so I'm looking for constructive criticism please ]
I will NOT go!
You cant make me go!
Illmera closed her eyes wearily as she watched her daughter slam the door and storm towards her, sparks flying from her as her temper manifested itself.
The occupants of the throne room, with their usual insights and years of court experience, melted away. Some of them were even going so far as to actually pass through the walls in their hurry to avoid the forthcoming fireworks.
Illumina stomped up the long throne room, casting her will left and right, chairs and ornaments flying apart to land lying in pieces, a testament to her fit of pique.
How DARE she Illumina thought to herself taking satisfaction in the pained expression on her mothers face.
As she saw that Illumina was still building up to her usual crescendo, Illmera glanced out of the nearest window admiring the views over the gardens and down the hill outside the palace to the city below. She still enjoyed the view, even after all these years of ruling. It wasnt too much of a chore really, generations of queens before her had laid down a firm framework of government that more or less ran itself. All she need do was gently push things in the appropriate direction and most of the petty little squabbles that inevitably flare up from time to time were resolved amicably and if not, well she was more than capable of putting her will to more forcible use.
She sighed inwardly and glanced at Illumina to judge how far along her usual path she was in her tantrum, she still had some time to go she saw.
Glancing now at the ceiling she focused slightly on reinforcing the massive oak beams that held up the roof of the palace. The last time Illumina had a sulk had cost a whole days inconvenience and not a little effort to replace the roof that had been blown to smithereens.
Illumina came to a stop in front of the raised platform that contained the two thrones, several chairs and tables with pieces of paper strewn across them and to the left of the platform, as usual, her brother, lounging in a comfortable chair, leg dangling over one side.
Keep out of this she cast at him scowling, this is between me and mother
Wouldnt dream of interfering he cast back, a smile ghosting across his face.
Illmera looked at her daughter steadily, taking in her short cropped hair, strong jaw line that was so like her fathers it almost made her breath catch in her throat and her usual loose tunic top, pants and boots. She was pleased that her daughter was more interested in the practicality of attire rather than its attractiveness, it spoke of an underlying self reliance that she was not swayed by the vagaries of fashion like so many of the young ones.
Illmera decided to try the gentle approach first in the hope it would defuse things before they went too far.
Illumina, please try and understand, this is something we all must go through. It is a long tradition that once you reach a certain age you need to go and learn something of the world. It allows us to mature and grow into our powers. It makes us ..
I dont care, why should I go to this, this paragon city ? said Illumina dismissively cutting across her mothers speech. Illmera had a tendency for long drawn out speeches, where a few words would do, probably learned from years of being queen issuing proclamations and rulings from her throne.
Illumina hesitated slightly, seeing the sudden look of steel flash across her mothers face, had she gone to far to quickly this time ? The dance had a certain rhythm to it she knew, but thinking back everything seemed to be going as it always did, so why that look ?
Illumina you WILL go to paragon city, you have no choice in this
At this Illumina's blood ran cold, her mother had never been like this before, why was she being so difficult now ? Illumina could feel the raw energy rising in her matching her rising anger. She hated being pushed into a corner, trapped with nowhere to run.
Illumina control yourself ! her brother shouted, leaning forward in his chair and looking shocked, he had always been able to sense her powers manifesting themselves, a sign of their closeness despite the teasing and bickering they usually relied on to hide it.
Illmera looked from one to the other and back again, her face unreadable. Illumina tried to get a grip on her emotions, something in the past she had so far failed to be able to do, but it was no use. The massive columns of stone running the length of the hall started to creak and pop ominously and patterns of dust gleaming in the sunlight started to drift down from the roof.
Illumina, I am so sorry, but I have no choice, I cannot let you continue to be so uncontrolled the look of sadness in Illmeras eyes shocked Illumina and she found that she could not take her eyes off her mothers
Suddenly there was a blue flash and Illumina was enveloped in a glowing cocoon of light.
The last thing she was aware of was a gasp from her brother and then darkness . . .
Posted
THAT, my dear......... is Outstanding!!!
you ARE writing more! - ....period!.
/em, standing Ovation
[edit] I'm just sorry i cannot offer anything constructive as i find it very hard to believe you haven't written creatively before - I'm speechless!.
[This is the 1st part of an origin story I have been writing for one of my toons. It's my 1st attempt at anything like this, so I'm looking for constructive criticism please
]
I will NOT go!
You cant make me go!
Illmera closed her eyes wearily as she watched her daughter slam the door and storm towards her, sparks flying from her as her temper manifested itself.
The occupants of the throne room, with their usual insights and years of court experience, melted away. Some of them were even going so far as to actually pass through the walls in their hurry to avoid the forthcoming fireworks.
Illumina stomped up the long throne room, casting her will left and right, chairs and ornaments flying apart to land lying in pieces, a testament to her fit of pique.
How DARE she Illumina thought to herself taking satisfaction in the pained expression on her mothers face.
As she saw that Illumina was still building up to her usual crescendo, Illmera glanced out of the nearest window admiring the views over the gardens and down the hill outside the palace to the city below. She still enjoyed the view, even after all these years of ruling. It wasnt too much of a chore really, generations of queens before her had laid down a firm framework of government that more or less ran itself. All she need do was gently push things in the appropriate direction and most of the petty little squabbles that inevitably flare up from time to time were resolved amicably and if not, well she was more than capable of putting her will to more forcible use.
She sighed inwardly and glanced at Illumina to judge how far along her usual path she was in her tantrum, she still had some time to go she saw.
Glancing now at the ceiling she focused slightly on reinforcing the massive oak beams that held up the roof of the palace. The last time Illumina had a sulk had cost a whole days inconvenience and not a little effort to replace the roof that had been blown to smithereens.
Illumina came to a stop in front of the raised platform that contained the two thrones, several chairs and tables with pieces of paper strewn across them and to the left of the platform, as usual, her brother, lounging in a comfortable chair, leg dangling over one side.
Keep out of this she cast at him scowling, this is between me and mother
Wouldnt dream of interfering he cast back, a smile ghosting across his face.
Illmera looked at her daughter steadily, taking in her short cropped hair, strong jaw line that was so like her fathers it almost made her breath catch in her throat and her usual loose tunic top, pants and boots. She was pleased that her daughter was more interested in the practicality of attire rather than its attractiveness, it spoke of an underlying self reliance that she was not swayed by the vagaries of fashion like so many of the young ones.
Illmera decided to try the gentle approach first in the hope it would defuse things before they went too far.
Illumina, please try and understand, this is something we all must go through. It is a long tradition that once you reach a certain age you need to go and learn something of the world. It allows us to mature and grow into our powers. It makes us ..
I dont care, why should I go to this, this paragon city ? said Illumina dismissively cutting across her mothers speech. Illmera had a tendency for long drawn out speeches, where a few words would do, probably learned from years of being queen issuing proclamations and rulings from her throne.
Illumina hesitated slightly, seeing the sudden look of steel flash across her mothers face, had she gone to far to quickly this time ? The dance had a certain rhythm to it she knew, but thinking back everything seemed to be going as it always did, so why that look ?
Illumina you WILL go to paragon city, you have no choice in this
At this Illumina's blood ran cold, her mother had never been like this before, why was she being so difficult now ? Illumina could feel the raw energy rising in her matching her rising anger. She hated being pushed into a corner, trapped with nowhere to run.
Illumina control yourself ! her brother shouted, leaning forward in his chair and looking shocked, he had always been able to sense her powers manifesting themselves, a sign of their closeness despite the teasing and bickering they usually relied on to hide it.
Illmera looked from one to the other and back again, her face unreadable. Illumina tried to get a grip on her emotions, something in the past she had so far failed to be able to do, but it was no use. The massive columns of stone running the length of the hall started to creak and pop ominously and patterns of dust gleaming in the sunlight started to drift down from the roof.
Illumina, I am so sorry, but I have no choice, I cannot let you continue to be so uncontrolled the look of sadness in Illmeras eyes shocked Illumina and she found that she could not take her eyes off her mothers
Suddenly there was a blue flash and Illumina was enveloped in a glowing cocoon of light.
The last thing she was aware of was a gasp from her brother and then darkness . . .