I really liked it, it kept me glued to the screen ignoreing my mns chat box which is always a good sign. 
I think the story line was good, and then ending definatly makes you want to read more..... So wheres the rest? (no pressure)
For your first, well done from me! 
Well I just wanted some responces to see if it was worth continuing, and now I know it is!
All I can say is that it may be be ready for some time.
Claiming the Isles (The Nemesis Strike Force), Arc 448371 - Rogueish action from the Prussian Prince of Automatons himself!
Will be waiting then
Take your time and enjoy it
AF
Hello Creative board.
I don't really post much here, but would like to post a beginning of a story, Could be called chapter 1, but There's not gonna be many more parts.
It is also my first so be nice.
Here it is:
Freak like Me
Everyone has heard of the Freaks. People who replace their own limbs with mechanical parts. They take a drug, which makes them immune to the changes, immune to pain. I have experienced this first hand, from the start. I know no pain, I know no fear.
When I was eighteen, people approached me from the Hellions, Skulls and many other gangs. I was young, naïve. Hellions and Skulls are Devil Followers. No thanks I thought. I needed powers for the Outcasts or strength for the trolls. The only one left for me was the Freakshow. Mechanical limbs, painlessness, it all seemed good. After visiting their booth and getting some info, I left the recruiting drive warehouse and headed home.
When I arrived, I checked my checklist. First I needed a homemade weapon. Since I played baseball, I brought my bat along to our initiation. I got a mohawk for the occasion as many of the higher ranking members had them. The address of the meet was scribbled on a piece of paper, sitting on my table. It wrote, Me3t 4t 42 R1chm0nd Ste3t, 1nd1pend4nce P0rt on teh Wedn3sd4y n3xt w33k. Luckily, me being the person I am, I understood this.
On the Wednesday night, the warehouse which was standing before me was a hive of activity. Feeling slightly nervous, I knocked on the door and was quickly greeted by what looks like a large robot with a human head. He ushered me in and pushed me into a big room. The room was filled with maddened people all staring at me. They charged. My baseball bat in hand, I readied my position. Not scared. All of a sudden, the half robotic men stopped and the ones behind me patted me on the back.
Welcome to the Freakshow. the one who brought me to the room said, My names D3struct10n-M4n. He pronounces it like Destruction-Man.
Why did you charge at me, you freaks?! I questioned, hoping that calling them freaks was a good idea.
To see if you were scared, duh! And only the nonscaredies, can get in, said a Freak with a scythe-like arm at the back of the now large crowd.
That was so obvious, how didnt I know. I hope this was the whole initiation.
Now for the Drug pump! one of the Freaks yelled.
Soon all of the freaks were chanting Drug Pump. Suddenly a blindfold was pulled over my eyes and I was pushed onto a table of some kind and a huge pain suddenly rushed through my body.
Please everyone make constructive critism and not tear it to bits.
Claiming the Isles (The Nemesis Strike Force), Arc 448371 - Rogueish action from the Prussian Prince of Automatons himself!