A for Android: Summertime Sonata

A for Android

Summertime Sonata

A swallow glided fast over the trees before vanishing into a nest that was built under the roof's edge of a large barn. Kitia watched the bird emerge a minute later going off for another run for food. Her binoculars trembled slightly. She was that excited.

"Look Andrea, look!", she said pointing with her finger but jealously guarding the binoculars even if they weren't hers. "There is goes again!"

Andrea crouched next to Kitia and peered through the few branches that were blocking the full view to their father's robot workshop. "Did it fly away already?", she asked masking her slight disappointment very flimsily. It was her binoculars that Kitia was hoarding. "Yes, I'm afraid it did.", answered Kitia laconically and kept looking at the nest that was sure to house some baby birds.

An annoyed voice spoke from behind them. "Mom says food's ready." Both girls sprung around startled at someone sneaking right behind them. Which had no doubt been the very aim of the boy who now stood before them. "Andre! Don't give me a scare or I'll tell mom!" Andrea was quickly transmuting her fright to anger. Her brother could be such a jerk sometimes!

All Kitia could come up with was a nervous smile and a greeting leaning a bit on the squeaky side. "Hello Andre.", she said gaining no reply. No surprise there. Since his thirteenth birthday Andre hadn't much shown interest in playing with girls even if it was his year younger little sister and the girl next door, the only other children in a few miles. Despite her momentary dizziness she was aware of the funny feeling in the bottom of her stomach. She got it mostly when Andre was around.

They walked in a single file along the short path that took them from the top of the hill to the front yard of the robot farm complex that was a home for two of them. During the two years Kitia had lived in the nearby farm she had grown used to the vast array of various technical gadgets that scourged the Kraftverk Robota, a nickname the local towners had given to this place. When they were still a great many yards away from the front door Andre bellowed on the top of his lungs. "We're here!".

A short robot barely five feet in height and crudely imitating female features appeared by the door frame and looked sternly at the boy. "Young master Andre Kraft, no shouting when it is not needed!" Andrea snickered behind his back just loud enough for him to catch it. And Kitia. Both girls giggled turning to each other to hide their mirth from the robot woman. Andre was fuming,

"And where have you been young lady? I think I made it perfectly clear at what hour the supper would be ready." There was no malice in her voice only firmness that echoed deep caring. Both siblings turned to face her and bowed their heads. "Sorry mom." Kitia smiled from behind them and waved chirpily. "Hey Nadia! We have been watching birds!"

ND-1 nodded in an approving manner. There was no facial expression to enhance her vocal messages for now. Zirgei had removed the somewhat natural head that the kids had grown to call "the Nadia face" for the frequentness of its appearance which set it apart from other head units. Apparently there were some new neural modules he was installing but he rarely shared any specifics of his work with his children even if they related to ND-series revisions. "The table is set. Go and eat while it is still warm."

The meal passed as most did. Andrea bickered with her brother, Kitia stayed out of the most heated arguments, Nadia told everyone to behave as was expected from children of their stature and the family's father remained absent. It was only about once a month that he made an appearance on any meal, counting breakfasts, lunches, suppers or midnight snacks.

"So, what are you kids planning on to do this evening?" Nadia stood almost unmoving just watching the youngsters while making sure they ate healthily including the greens. "Doing, mom.", corrected Andre. "Not to do. Has dad downgraded your grammatical programming?" There was no irritation present when Nadia spoke again. "Your father is experimenting with a new form of speech adaptation routine. I have been stripped of the previously installed pre-formulated language packs and will now learn all the nuances of everyday speak heuristically. But aside of that, my question remains."

Andrea having finished her meal first looked out and estimated the remaining light. "I think me and Kitia will go for a swim to the lake. It's so warm out there." Andre scoffed. ”Good riddance!” ND-1 let out a disapproving sound. ”Young master, mind the attitude.”

Out of the blue Kitia cut in. ”Why not come with us, Andre?” Pure contempt permeated his voice. ”With you girls? Get real!” Nadia took the role of a mediator immediately having a far too extensive experience in these sort of things. "Now now, I think it is a marvelous idea for you three to spend some time together.” Andre threw her a dirty look but lacked the courage to back it up vocally. Instead he gave in. ”Yeah, whatever.”

Kitia looked up hastily spilling some milk. There was dreamy hope in her eyes. "Oh, you will join us?" Andrea took the news much more skeptically. "Yeah, sure, as if he’d play with us so-called-stupid girls any more!" Nadia wouldn’t hear any arguments from anyone. ”Go for a swim but be back before dark. Who knows what wildlife lurks in the twilight shadows of the ethereal reality."

"Yeah will do mom!", said Andrea and swung her feet over the bench, hopped up and dashed out the room. Kitia followed right on her heels. Andre disliked being the last so he stuffed the last meatballs into his mouth, mumbled "cut down on the poetry" and hurried out. Nadia shook her head exactly five and half times from side to side and produced a sound that had some distant resemblance to a sigh. "Kids."

The sun was far on the descent already when they got to the lake. Their father believed a good shape was needed for children and thus his progeny went around mostly by foot. This was the form he used to express his interest in his children – detailed objectives to ND-unit who carried them out without question and mostly without fail. So, no bikes and definitely nothing with motors which could have been seen as an oddity considering how many mechanical devices there were around on the farm. Kitia who loved the nature was in her own element as they trekked through the woods and down the late summer hillsides. Finally the beautifully reflecting currently almost calm lake came into view.

Andrea and Kitia watched after Andre who scurried off around a bush to don his swimming trunks. They giggled a bit at the hastiness and almost tangible desperation of his to get far away from view at the best possible haste. He had grown very secretive and protective about his body. However then they too retreated from sight to change into their own secluded spot.

Andrea put on her dark red one part swimming suit while Kitia slipped into her light green bikini. She had started to develop a figure after the first snow last winter and was shaping into a young woman slowly. Shaping all over Andrea thought somewhat enviously. When they were ready they broke through the bushes to the small two meter wide beach. They climbed up an oak tree and with caution advanced along one particular branch that stretched over the water. It was just deep enough to be jumped into.

The short hour before the sunlight started to decrease significantly went past quickly. For the most part it had been amazingly peaceful to the point of being downright uneventful. For once Andre and Andrea played nicely with each other and Kitia fit in just like they used to. Until Kitia got a playful idea.

She dived under the surface and bopped back half a minute later smiling wryly. Using a tone and note she had learned from television she assumed the best imitation of innocence and shouted letting the last vowel stretch long. “Oh, Andre!” Then she sprang from the water tiny stumps for breasts flashing before she plunged back into water. However that was just enough as Andre had automatically turned his head to the voice and was now flushed with red colour. He tried to fit the event into any known frame of reference he was familiar with but in vain. The truth was that he had not ever seen any actual female breasts in his life. And this was Kitia. He was vaguely aware of there being some significance to it.

A whistle echoed over the water. All three fixed their eyes on the boy leaning casually against the old oak sun glinting from the thick chain around his arm. He was clearly older than them, at least four or five years thought Andrea. Even if he was smiling there was certain coldness in the way he was looking down at the kids in the water. Then he pushed himself away from the tree and stood at ease a cruel smile caressing his hardened leer.

"Show them again, little girl." It took a short while before Kitia realized he meant her. She lowered herself into the water an inch or two more just barely being able to breath without problems. She slid slowly behind Andre terrified to the core. It had been just a joke! The boy lifted his beer bottle to his lips and took a flamboyant swig.

Another boy stepped into view from the deepening shadows that the tree cast. He was marginally taller than the first one and he too was sporting a tightly wrapped chain around his right arm. With clear disdain he spoke or rather commanded. "You do as my mate Tom tells you to or you'll regret it [censored]." Andre realized that despite quantities they had just been outnumbered. And with that insight the uncomfortable situation changed to dangerous.

Kitia shrunk even further. Not physically as she was at her limits but inside she curled up like a cat. Not in relaxation but feeling like dying. Two more boys appeared nearby both sporting similar metallic ornaments around their arms. Ornaments that could turn into weapons with a flick of a hand. One of the newer boys, the one with thin and chiseled face held something in his hand.

Kitia tensed. She was suddenly painfully aware of a tiny spark of life in her vicinity, a life in mortal distress. Without seeing exactly she was sure that the boy had a tiny bird in his hand. He was squeezing it. The bones were at the breaking point. Kitia pushed herself around Andre and forward, rising standing to her full height which was not all that much.

”Let that bird go. Now.” There was an unexpected sharp tinge of authority in her demeanor very uncharacteristic of the shy girl Andre and Andrea had gotten to know these past two years. The boys cheered as Kitia’s top was still missing. They kept laughing and goading as Kitia walked from the water to the shore her eyes never leaving the fist that held the little spark of life that was just the tiniest of efforts away from being snuffed out. ”She wants you, Edgy!”, roared Tom and clasped his hands onto his groin in a distantly obscene manner.

The boy holding the bird stretched out his hand still clasped into a fist. From it protruded a head of a bird. Kitia looked pleadingly at him. ”Please let it go, it hasn’t done any harm to you!” Edgy looked at his hand, then at Kitia. ”You want it? Here.” The movement was not really that big. Just a turn of the hand, some pressure from the thumb and the fragile bones of an avian neck were snapped with a barely audible crack in the otherwise still evening scene. Then he offered the small feathered thing on his open palm.

Immediately as the echoes of the existence just ended were still ricocheting in her mind Kitia felt sad. All things in nature die. She had known that for an unyielding fact ever since her father had died. Things in nature killed other things. That was the Way. But this kind pointless killing was beyond her capability of comprehending. She felt connected to the very Earth she was standing on. And it was coursing through her. It welled inside her. And found release.

The lightning wasn’t big. It started from her hand and struck the boy into the chest knocking him down. He let out a yelp and looked frantically at his friends to gain confirmation of this just happening. Kitia didn’t even notice. Her whole attention was on the bird that she scooped up and held gently. She had taken care of small injured animals all her life nursing them back to health with love and care. This bird wasn’t dead. It was just massively injured. It would be her greatest challenge so far.

Calling for her inner light she focused all her will at the task. Death was an illusion! She could combat it and prevail. She would bring this little thing back from the gaping maw of the blackest abyss. There was no alternative. She found the ember of a spark within. Now just to sustain it, grow it bigger, feed it with her own might. The ember felt brighter. Kitia felt immeasurable joy. Then the next instant the light went out completely. The natural order was unforgiving. There were limits beyond which the nature would not bend. To ask for it would be to pervert the Way. The numbness overcame her. Then she spun around. This time she wasn’t sad. She was angry. She felt beyond angry. She was enraged. Her fingertips spew sparks.

What separates mankind from animals is a flimsy thing and so very easily forgotten. When faced by anything but the most mundane the primary reaction type is primal. The one called Tom moved his arm in a fast small spiral and then in a wide arc. The freed chain slammed to the side of Kitia’s head but by sheer luck only with a glancing blow. Nevertheless Kitia fell over.

This launched Andre into furious action. Fueled by an intoxicating cocktail of testosterone and adrenaline he ran from the water. All that echoed through his distraught mind was that Kitia was dead. Kitia! The loss was incredible. His sorrow and anguish were drowned only by his mad lust for vengeance. With a huge leap he was standing next to Tom. He wanted to hit that boy with all of his strength. His hand was already moving when he felt something building up quickly. It came from every fiber of his being but it was directed all of it concentrating in one spot in his body. The moving fist.

Andre felt the hit connect. He had always been on the skinny side and shorter than his sister for years. By all accounts his hit should have packed a punch but only to a degree. Tom went flying. He was flung from where he had stood in a low but long arc into the lake. Andrea noticed even in her state of mind that the body was twisted in sickeningly weird way. Even so she didn’t have the time to think any further of it as she waded towards the shore. The two remaining boys released their chains. Andre seemed somehow dazed and made no effort to dodge the incoming blow. There was a spray of red as he fell over. Andrea screamed.

The red haired boy who had struck her brother down nodded to the boy with a sleeveless vest who produced a gun from behind his back aiming at the unmoving Andre. Andrea dashed through the now shallow water towards him. A shot rang.

Andrea threw her hands forward reflexively. It was as if she was trying to catch the bullet but that was a foolish attempt at best. Too far, too slow and utterly inadequate. She knew it but she could not do anything else. She cared immensely about her brother and deep down knew it went both ways, despite him behaving recently like a complete git. She wanted to protect him in any and all ways both possible and necessary. She reached out even further, from within.

A shimmering green hue seemed to emanate from Andre. It encased him caressing his still form and then almost as if deciding the boy was safe it expanded violently. It caught the bullet in mid-air as an afterthought and kept going. It slammed against both boys standing near and knocked them off their feet. Redhead smacked against the tree and the vest wearing boy crashed through bushes.

Andrea’s knees buckled. She wobbled over to Andre and crouched over him. There was blood all over. Frantic panic started to kick in. She hurried to Kitia and embraced her. Kitia grunted and moved slightly. Andrea grabbed her and spoke in level but firm voice. ”Kitia, I have seen you make squirrels better when they have hurt themselves. Please help Andre. He’s bleeding. Lots”

Kitia more crawled than walked to Andre. The delicate balance she possessed was countered by a disturbing thundering inside her head that distracted her focus in a major way. Gently she placed her hands on Andre’s forehead and began to concentrate. She fell into a trance that was so deep she became oblivious to anything else around her. It was left for Andrea to stand vigil.

In a few minutes the three boys had left. Andrea just watched them go unwilling and perhaps incapable of stopping them. Besides, when she actively didn’t pay too much mind to them she could avoid thinking the numbers. Only three had left. She didn’t look at the lake. She just stared at Kitia hunched over the body of her brother and fought the growing nausea in her gut. He looked so restful. So much in peace. So dead.

The chilly breeze around the lake had turned cold. The last rays of daylight had gone and died. Under an oak tree sat three kids huddled together for warmth, safety and to not be completely alone in the world. They trembled every time a gush of night air blew past them. They clenched at each other tightly in complete silence. Bloodstained faces riddled with already dried tears were blank.

Now they were spent, muscles aching and flaring with pain for channeling the energies they were still unaccustomed of handling. Kitia was exhausted to the point of feeling thin, almost eerie. She took comfort from Andre being there. Andre was barely conscious. Andrea had her hands around them both shielding them against the terrible reality.

Arrays of red laser beams penetrated the dark. They swept over the children, the motorcycle tracks and the slight anomaly on the dead calm surface of the lake. Andrea flinched as one beam hit her eye for a fraction of a second. Something huge came to her and helped her to wrap a blanket around herself. Slowly she realized it was Nadia who was sporting a two meter high combat geared exo-skeleton with a retro-fitted jetpack. Battlestation protocols had been declared on the farm.

After they all were shielded for travel Nadia pulled them all close. The massive arms extended and wrapped around them multiple times. When they were secured Nadia launched upwards and homed towards the farm.

The morning light found them awake by the breakfast table. Andre had his head wrapped in bandages. He was nibbling on a toast a cup of tea losing its heat forgotten next to his elbow. Kitia had trouble holding an apple in her hands. They had been treated for light burns. Andrea had finished her porridge without noticing eating anything and was now swirling juice in her glass slowly around mesmerized by the liquid’s solemn motion.

The silence dragged on for the longest of time. Finally a disruption occurred to shatter the status quo. The door opened. A robot strode in. Slowly all heads turned to stare at it.

It was a clearly female build, the chassis had curves and bumps and the minute movements it made did a very good job of mimicking casual human demeanor. Height measured almost seven feet and the face, it was the Nadia face. The kids had seen Nadia in various special forms but it had always been with exo-skeletons. Now it was not the case.

Nadia cleared her throat which was a previously unseen feature and spoke in a tender tone. The ring of it carried a rich palette on nuances. ”Good morning children. I am ND-2 but you can keep calling me Nadia. This chassis a complete reconstruct with more advanced principles than the previous model and my intellectual and interactive capabilities have been greatly enhanced. I retain the memories of my predecessor so for all practical intents and purposes you can treat the personality continuity as unbroken.”

ND-2 swung her head from side to side slowly and changing the pace to fit the logical reasons of the movement. The silence threatened to spill on the side of uncomfortable as Andrea forced a question out. ”Where is ND-1?” ND-2 bowed her head in a sad manner and lowered the note of speech. ”I am afraid she is unavailable now and for the times to come.”

Kitia placed a half eaten apple on the table and gave form to the horrible uncertainty that was shared by her friends. ”What happened to us and how did we end up in the medical room? How did we get these injuries? I can’t remember. Why?” She kept a small pause and summed it up. ”What happened?”

The robot pulled a chair and sat down. Not very smoothly but still. ”Tell me children what do you remember of it? This is important. We have constructed a scenario describing a possible chain of events but it needs facts to be confirmed to be correct.”

This time it was Andre who spoke. He seemed the most anxious of them all to get the questions settled. ”I was in the water. There were some boys on the shore.” Then he kept a pause, struggling to bring some order to the chaos that was his mind. ”They had lasers. One of them flew. Over the lake. Kitia was angry. I-”, he paused again obviously scared of the truth and eyes watering up. He looked at Kitia with all the regret in the world gathered into his gaze. ”Did I hit you?” Kitia smiled warmly her own worries quenched for the moment. ”I’m sure you didn’t. You could never intentionally hurt me. And neither could I hurt you.” ND-2 tilted her head. ”And what do you remember?”

The apple found its way to her again and provided a nice distraction in her hands while she let her mind drift freely. ”Andre was injured. I helped him to connect to mother nature so he could heal.” Then she fell quiet and spoke nothing more. ND-2 kept her visual sensory arrays on her. ”Nothing else, nothing at all?”

”Death!”, exclaimed Kitia dropping the apple and burst into tears. There was a tight coil of fear and terror in the pit of her stomach that now had sprung open. She held her hands in front of her mouth and stared at ND-2 wide-eyed. ND-2 bowed her head. Hadn’t the dosage of memory scramblers been enough, after all?

Andrea reached with her hand laying it on Kitia’s arm, comforting her with physical proximity. ”I know. I mean, I actually don’t, but-”. ND-2 cut in having accessed the mission logs. ”Yes, there was a corpse of a little bird.” Kitia wailed but calmed down soon having depleted her grief for now.

The strain from trying to access the chemically buried memories was highly visible on Andrea’s frown. ND-2 observed her with indistinct interest allowing the girl to make her best effort. It was crucial to see how much she would recall as she was the only one without any great initial trauma. Then the expression of accomplishment gave way for that of defeat. ”There were some boys but I can’t remember what it was about.” Nadia let out an almost human sounding sigh. ”Four members of the Chain Gang from Andros City. Apparently they came to the lake to spend some time, ran across of you, for an unknown reason attacked you and then left the scene. Evidence points at highly aggravated state as their two motorcycles collided at high speed on the mountains and skidded out of the road. They were crushed, especially one on top of whom a vehicle landed.”

A fragment of innocence was swept away. They stood face to face with not only death but their own mortality. The siblings looked shocked. Kitia only nodded as she had worked on the subject for some time now but nonetheless it was a moment of revelation. ND-2 added a soothing tone, continuing her speech.

This had to be done in a fast manner. Keep their minds in disarray and let the fragmented memories coagulate with the fiction and subtle untruths. Now that their brains were again performing their duties the corrective measures taken by them would cement the confusion as facts and rationalize the discrepancies away. It was doubtful if the correct patterns would ever form again, even during sleep, and if so, it was years away.

”Each of you three display certain parahuman abilities. They manifested themselves last night which accounts for the mental shock and trauma you suffered along with the physical abuse. Now, those powers are something that we must now discuss. Your father has devised certain means that allow you to gain control and hone those powers. You must learn to channel your bodily energies at will in order to master the variety of capabilities now suddenly at your disposal. I think you all agree that for now these powers have to remain a secret from the wider population. Despite the frequency of superhuman depicted in news articles they are locally somewhat of a rarity and could lead to unfortunate backlash effects. This is why you will not be returning to your school for the time being. You will be tutored at home where it is safe.” Nadia turned her full attention to Kitia. ”While these plans primarily apply to master’s own progeny he is more than willing to extend this offer to include you as he has noticed your continuing companionship with his children. Do you accept?”

Her ears were simply ringing. She knew that given time she could go over the facts again, think them over and then form an opinion, but right now she was just overwhelmed. She grasped for meaningful points of view. No school. Stay close to Andre and Andrea. Stay close to Andre. She smiled cautiously. That was something she could understand. That was what she wanted. Flashing a nervous smile she replied. “I do.”

ND-2 rose up, put her hands on her hips and scanned around finally nodding in an approving manner. ”Good. Now, go out and relax. Empty your minds. We will start your training this afternoon. And, whatever you do, do not leave the farm. Under any circumstances.” Then she swung around and headed back into the inner house.

Having had enough of pretending to eat the children left the table and waded out. They settled down under an apple tree and looked warily at each other. They were all painfully aware of their lives having been altered irrevocably. Andrea sat gloomily hugging her knees. She closed her eyes and focused on breathing levelly just to ease the anxiety in her chest. Someone wrapped arms around her from behind.

Andrea rested her head against the arm and let out a sigh feeling marginally better already. She parted her eyelids slightly and saw Kitia sitting close by in front of her. Andre spoke softly as he kept his sister in his gentle hold. ”No need to worry sis. I’ll watch your back, always. No matter what happens I’ll be there for you. You’re not alone and you’ll never be.” Andrea contemplated briefly pulling free. Then she let go marked by a soundless sigh and leaned against her brother. She was so tired. Andre was the big brother. Let him carry the weight. For now. Maybe forever.

Kitia edged closer. She might be the most mature and experienced of them but right now she was just a young girl feeling terribly alone in a suddenly frightening world. Uncertain but thirsting for closeness she got next to Andrea. Kitia reached her hand and put it softly on Andre’s arm squeezing very lightly. Tightening his grasp around Andrea Andre reached with his hand and put it on Kitia’s hand. It was now the three of them, and them alone.

Dimly Andre more felt than knew that Andrea had saved him, rushed to his defense in a dangerous situation. Even if he had treated her so harshly and with contempt for months. It was a reminder that they were brother and sister no matter what happened or how bad it got. When it counted they would be there for each other and now he was going to see his sister safe no matter the cost. He knew that he had meant his promise.

His mind was still haunted by doubts. They gnawed and whispered unrelenting in their quest for inner chaos. Andre licked his lips and almost whispered. ”What do you think really happened there?” Slowly Kitia withdrew her hand. Andrea turned around while pulling away. They both stared at him and then lowered their gaze. It was, however, enough.

What Andre saw in their eyes reflected his state of mind. There were unspoken fears. Some deep terror that did not want to be discovered. He could not bring himself to recall the events from last night but he knew inside that there was something important he did not know. It was what was haunting him. But the reaction guarding against gaining that knowledge was rooted deep. A mechanism protecting his already fragile self. It was the same with the girls. Even a mere mention pushed them away. Talking about it or pursuing it even one bit further would risk blowing them apart.

An hour later they were still sitting under that same tree huddled closer together. Not in embrace, just barely enough for mental warmth, their need for companionship fulfilled. Pushed slightly apart by their now common history, bound together forever by ties that had formed the previous day. In the sky there were clouds gathered, blocking the sun.

From underneath the barn roof a small head took a suspicious peek. Baby swallows were learning to fly.

Great Work

Excellent! I think it was worth every bit of time you put into the re-writing. Lazy idyllic summer evening turns into terror, marking the transition between childhood and adulthood (I won't say maturity, since THAT transition is yet to come to Coile :P). Good work!

Pyranha

A good read! Gave me an excuse for taking a break from work! And yeah.... Inago is more mature.

An entertaining story and a good reading.

My comments :
- I waited for more details about Nadia at her first appearance. Can she barely pass for human, at a distance ? Is she full metal ?
I wanted to have such details just to imagine what could be the children relationship to the robot.

I have a mental picture of Nadia being a human shaped robot, still very robotic. A picture enhanced by descriptions about her proper use of grammar or lack of expressions, finally confirmed when ND-2 enters the story.
But until ND-2 enters the story, I hadn't a clear idea about ND-1.

Actually, the children don't get full description either but I minded less. It's easier to assume kids are just looking like kids. Robots, on the other hand, we are meeting them rarely in day to day life
A mental picture of a boy and two girls is easy. Robots being from fiction and vastly different in appearance, a mental picture is less spontaneously coming.

- the reason why the Chain gang crashed are unclear. The disappearance of ND-1 is unclear too.
So, depending if you plan to write another story, finally clearing the facts, or not, you may let the reader confused or not.
Here, in this only story and if I suppose no other will be written, it left the feeling you didn't really know how to "close" the lake affair and explain why the farm turns again to its calm life. As if you wanted to quickly evacuate the problem of witnesses.
Having read an earlier version, I know the Chain Gang and ND-1 fate. But this knowledge comes from the earlier work, not this story. ND-1 fate is not discussed. ND-2 doesn't even give a plausible explanation.
The children couldn't care less about ND-1 disappearance (like "ok, we again broke a Nadia") but ND-1 designation number is hinting the fact it was the first Nadia and the only one the kids knew.
I expected them trying to investigate about the missing ND-1.

Maybe they are ok with ND-2 being a perfect copy of ND-1 (ND-2 or ND-1, the same for them, same memory, same shared moments)
Maybe a single statement to confirm they accept ND-2 as "Nadia" ?

Their lack of questionning changed the relationship between them and the Nadias, to me.
It went from a "Nadia is mom" to "Nadia is just a robot, like any robot"

- I was confused two times when reading even if I figured what was happening.

First is :
[ QUOTE ]

She just stared at Kitia hunched over the body of her brother and fought the growing nausea in her gut. He looked so restful. So much in peace. So dead.

The chilly breeze around the lake had turned cold. The last rays of daylight had gone and died. Under an oak tree sat three kids huddled together for warmth, safety and to not be completely alone in the world.

[/ QUOTE ]

The hint is the brother is dead (or looks like). After, we discover he is not.
But it's not confirmed if he was dead and "resurrected" by Kitia, deeply wounded but not dead and healed, or if it was just Andrea fears that he was dead.

I believe the confusion comes from the use of "So dead" at the end. It raises the dramatic level of the story but immediately after, we are almost back to normal level of dramatic intensity.

"So much in peace" sounds like being afraid he's dead; "So dead" sounds like a confirmation.

Just my opinion of course.

[ QUOTE ]

Nadia turned her full attention to Kitia. ”While these plans primarily apply to master’s own progeny he is more than willing to extend this offer to include you as he has noticed your continuing companionship with his children. Do you accept?

Her ears were simply ringing.

[/ QUOTE ]



At first, I believed ND-2 ears were ringing

I hope you don't mind the comments

[ QUOTE ]


My comments :
- I waited for more details about Nadia at her first appearance. Can she barely pass for human, at a distance ? Is she full metal ?
I wanted to have such details just to imagine what could be the children relationship to the robot.

[/ QUOTE ]

It seems like one of my faults is describing appereances - someting I must practise. I have for past two years written only game related fics aimed at people who know the characters so the physical appearance has never been that important.

Some indication of how she looks like is "crudely imitating female features" but that doesn't tell yet much.

The relationship between the kids and the robot is actually independent from how she looks. There never was a flesh and blood mother so their frame of reference is not a question. She *is* the mother to them.

[ QUOTE ]
I have a mental picture of Nadia being a human shaped robot, still very robotic. A picture enhanced by descriptions about her proper use of grammar or lack of expressions, finally confirmed when ND-2 enters the story.
But until ND-2 enters the story, I hadn't a clear idea about ND-1.

Actually, the children don't get full description either but I minded less. It's easier to assume kids are just looking like kids. Robots, on the other hand, we are meeting them rarely in day to day life
A mental picture of a boy and two girls is easy. Robots being from fiction and vastly different in appearance, a mental picture is less spontaneously coming.

[/ QUOTE ]

There's my assumption again that "people know". ND-3 is a player character and the earlier models weren't as advanced as her. Of course, not having met ND-3 kind of undermines my flimsy logic. The kids are of course earlier version of our present day hero-wanna-bes. Lesson learned from this!

[ QUOTE ]
- the reason why the Chain gang crashed are unclear. The disappearance of ND-1 is unclear too.
So, depending if you plan to write another story, finally clearing the facts, or not, you may let the reader confused or not.
Here, in this only story and if I suppose no other will be written, it left the feeling you didn't really know how to "close" the lake affair and explain why the farm turns again to its calm life. As if you wanted to quickly evacuate the problem of witnesses.
Having read an earlier version, I know the Chain Gang and ND-1 fate. But this knowledge comes from the earlier work, not this story. ND-1 fate is not discussed. ND-2 doesn't even give a plausible explanation.

[/ QUOTE ]

I tried incorporating it into the story but I was pushed into the direction of writing a short story, a piece of fiction that works in its own right rather than an all-encompassing origin story that sheds light to every integral aspect.

Quite probably there will be another 'A for Android' story telling the tale of ND-1 and the gang members. Very asimovian, I suspect. However for that I must discuss a few matters with ND-3 and for example decide who's going to write it.

I was hoping, in the end, that ND-2 describing four boys being killed in an accident would smell like foul play and readers just accepting that ND-1's permanent disappearance would somehow be due to that. Kind of leave it as a mystery now, hinting that there is an untold tale.

[ QUOTE ]
The children couldn't care less about ND-1 disappearance (like "ok, we again broke a Nadia") but ND-1 designation number is hinting the fact it was the first Nadia and the only one the kids knew.
I expected them trying to investigate about the missing ND-1.

Maybe they are ok with ND-2 being a perfect copy of ND-1 (ND-2 or ND-1, the same for them, same memory, same shared moments)
Maybe a single statement to confirm they accept ND-2 as "Nadia" ?

Their lack of questionning changed the relationship between them and the Nadias, to me.
It went from a "Nadia is mom" to "Nadia is just a robot, like any robot"

[/ QUOTE ]

Has to be discussed still but I think there was a prototype ND at first and ND-1 appeared during the very early age of the siblings.

At first there is a mix of using Nadia or ND-2 in the text. After ND-1 is told to be gone she is referred to only as ND-2, not Nadia, except once. This is supposed to reflect the alienation that took place. ND-2 is Nadia for all intents and purposes, yet she is a different being. That's something the kids will work on after the story more, but right then they had other things on their minds, or things missing as it was.


[ QUOTE ]
- I was confused two times when reading even if I figured what was happening.

First is :
[ QUOTE ]

She just stared at Kitia hunched over the body of her brother and fought the growing nausea in her gut. He looked so restful. So much in peace. So dead.

The chilly breeze around the lake had turned cold. The last rays of daylight had gone and died. Under an oak tree sat three kids huddled together for warmth, safety and to not be completely alone in the world.

[/ QUOTE ]

The hint is the brother is dead (or looks like). After, we discover he is not.
But it's not confirmed if he was dead and "resurrected" by Kitia, deeply wounded but not dead and healed, or if it was just Andrea fears that he was dead.

I believe the confusion comes from the use of "So dead" at the end. It raises the dramatic level of the story but immediately after, we are almost back to normal level of dramatic intensity.

"So much in peace" sounds like being afraid he's dead; "So dead" sounds like a confirmation.

Just my opinion of course.

[/ QUOTE ]

Correct! It was intended to lead to believe it was possible that Andre was dead. It was what Andrea very firmly believed. Or feared.

There was no resurrction as such. Andre wasn't too far gone, like the bird was. One aspect of the story was to define Kitia's abilities. Healing is possible, but raising from the dead is not.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Nadia turned her full attention to Kitia. ”While these plans primarily apply to master’s own progeny he is more than willing to extend this offer to include you as he has noticed your continuing companionship with his children. Do you accept?

Her ears were simply ringing.

[/ QUOTE ]



At first, I believed ND-2 ears were ringing

I hope you don't mind the comments

[/ QUOTE ]

Those mistakes happen when there are many same gender people present and the writer assumes to much. My bad.

As for comments, they are most welcome. They are actually greatly appreciated.

All writers of course yearn for praise and udulation, but what makes it all feel really worthwhile is discussion. It's good if a work generates an entertained feeling but it's a real rush if it provokes thoughts.

Thanks for feedback!

EDIT: some typos fixed

D! You're allways the master of ripping people's stories to shreds

Is ND-1 looking human ?
[ QUOTE ]
Some indication of how she looks like is "crudely imitating female features" but that doesn't tell yet much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes. It's just a single statement however. It doesn't help a lot to "flesh out" ND-1.

ND-1 is my mommy
[ QUOTE ]
The relationship between the kids and the robot is actually independent from how she looks.

[/ QUOTE ]

While I understand what you mean, I was interested.
Reading a story about kids having a human-like robot mother or a metal robot mother is interesting.
I'd say it's a hint about the openness of the kids. The reader could imagine kids having a tin box as a mother have a different perception about relationships.
It may sound like a paradox but I believe saying how non human looking ND-1 is can serve a purpose : underlining the fact how the robot look is not important in the relationship.

What ? Someone playing ND-3 ?
[ QUOTE ]
not having met ND-3 kind of undermines my flimsy logic.

[/ QUOTE ]

I wasn't aware there is a ND-3 (player character) anyway.

The truth is out there
[ QUOTE ]
I was hoping, in the end, that ND-2 escribing four boys being killed in an accident would smell lik efoul play and readers just accepting that ND-1's permanent disappearance would somehow be ue to that

[/ QUOTE ]

I believe this part, about the accident, can be understood.
It sounds like a "we managed that, forget it".
But the link to ND-1 might not be very obvious.
We suppose something happening to ND-1 (obviously) but what ? And as the matter is not discussed, I believe it weaken ND-1 role in the story, as if ND-1 disappearance wasn't important. Which might be intended, by the way.
Now, it's your story

The Nadias
[ QUOTE ]
That's something the kids will work on after the story more, but right then they had other things on their minds, or things missing as it was.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am still disappointed by their lack of reaction but it's still your story

Is Andre dead ?
[ QUOTE ]
Correct! It was intended to lead to believe it was possible that Andre was dead. It was what Andrea very firmly believed. Or feared.

There was no resurrction as such. Andre wasn't too far gone, like the bird was. One aspect of the story was to define Kitia's abilities. Healing is possible, but raising from the dead is not.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok but don't you think things are unclear here ?
He might be dead and then, no... he is not. Why ?
Now you say he couldn't have been resurrected but I had no idea about Kitia abilities when reading.


I am calling "game informative story" the texts that are destined to other players in a game, who have basic knowledge about many things (appearance, abilities etc).
Such texts fill the blank spaces in the chracter story and can explain some personnality traits, etc...

Don't get me wrong, as an informative story, yours is good. It serves its purpose by explaining to people who Coile/Coila/Kitia are, their relationships, their discovery of their own powers.

You wrote a great opener at first with the girls watching the bird, a second one with Kitia teasing Andre. Then, as if things were too serious, you focus only on "important elements" and then go deep into the informative story style.
As a consequence, I liked far more the first part than the second
The turning point is the chain gang agression when things are (rightfully) accelerating but won't slow until the end.

Still...
Good work !

[ QUOTE ]
D! You're allways the master of ripping people's stories to shreds

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you not exagerating a bit, here ?

I am interested by what others are writing because it helps me to think about how organizing stories, how to create mental pictures, how to... etc...
Actually, I am learning here.

I was joking

[ QUOTE ]
Is ND-1 looking human ?
[ QUOTE ]
Some indication of how she looks like is "crudely imitating female features" but that doesn't tell yet much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes. It's just a single statement however. It doesn't help a lot to "flesh out" ND-1.

[/ QUOTE ]

Describing beings is my weak point. Hmm, I'll write descriptions of each ND model with notable variations just for exercise's sake. Then I'll have them ready for more stories.

[ QUOTE ]
ND-1 is my mommy
[ QUOTE ]
The relationship between the kids and the robot is actually independent from how she looks.

[/ QUOTE ]

While I understand what you mean, I was interested.
Reading a story about kids having a human-like robot mother or a metal robot mother is interesting.
I'd say it's a hint about the openness of the kids. The reader could imagine kids having a tin box as a mother have a different perception about relationships.
It may sound like a paradox but I believe saying how non human looking ND-1 is can serve a purpose : underlining the fact how the robot look is not important in the relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have now a slight urge to write a pre-lake story, maybe happening before Andre became the teen jerk, and having to do with their origins. Maybe thrown in the first encounter with Kitia. Yes, it's forming already... Would make also the story of Chain Gang and ND-1 have more importance.

[ QUOTE ]
We suppose something happening to ND-1 (obviously) but what ? And as the matter is not discussed, I believe it weaken ND-1 role in the story, as if ND-1 disappearance wasn't important. Which might be intended, by the way.
Now, it's your story

[/ QUOTE ]

ND-1 is important, but not in the scope of this particular story. I may write an aftermath story to Sonata dealing more indepth with the changed outlook in the life for the kids. Maybe to do with their first few training sessions, maybe include the metallic eye-patches and their relevance too.

[ QUOTE ]
Is Andre dead ?
[ QUOTE ]
Correct! It was intended to lead to believe it was possible that Andre was dead. It was what Andrea very firmly believed. Or feared.

There was no resurrction as such. Andre wasn't too far gone, like the bird was. One aspect of the story was to define Kitia's abilities. Healing is possible, but raising from the dead is not.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok but don't you think things are unclear here ?
He might be dead and then, no... he is not. Why ?
Now you say he couldn't have been resurrected but I had no idea about Kitia abilities when reading.

[/ QUOTE ]

The description of Andre being dead is on the same line with Andre thinking Kitia was dead, except in her case the omniscient observer told it was a glancing blow. This was intended. The stakes went higher as the story progressed.

Kitia's abilities were defines with the bird. Bringing back from the dead is impossible. Hence, Andre wasn't dead. Andrea just thought so. Which is important if you compare the reactions. Andre's was a violent lash to avenge, Andrea's was to protect, just in case there was a chance of her brother being alive. Andrea was put forward as the more level-headed of them.

[ QUOTE ]
You wrote a great opener at first with the girls watching the bird, a second one with Kitia teasing Andre. Then, as if things were too serious, you focus only on "important elements" and then go deep into the informative story style.
As a consequence, I liked far more the first part than the second
The turning point is the chain gang agression when things are (rightfully) accelerating but won't slow until the end.

[/ QUOTE ]

The pace was also by intent. In the beginning there is ample time to observe and digest the world. When it all goes upside down their capability of grasping it all gets squashed. They lose what little control they ever had and land from sunny grassy hills to a robotic concentration / boot camp.

Again thanks for the feedback. It's rarely that I get to actually discuss my texts outside of home life.

If Summertime Sonata brought thoughts to other people's minds, please o share!

They just don't have that much time to think as they are ushered towards their new destiny. Which may or may not have been by partial or complete plan. Who knows? May be there's a story or two about that too in the making...

Again thank you for the feedback. It's rarely that I get to discuss anything I've written outside home environment (which is a harsh environment ineed, trying to push forward unfinished [censored] just earns a slap). If anyone else had a thought or two about Summertime Sonata, please do share!

Is Andre dead ?
[ QUOTE ]
The description of Andre being dead is on the same line with Andre thinking Kitia was dead, except in her case the omniscient observer told it was a glancing blow. This was intended. The stakes went higher as the story progressed.

Kitia's abilities were defines with the bird. Bringing back from the dead is impossible. Hence, Andre wasn't dead. Andrea just thought so. Which is important if you compare the reactions. Andre's was a violent lash to avenge, Andrea's was to protect, just in case there was a chance of her brother being alive. Andrea was put forward as the more level-headed of them.

[/ QUOTE ]

I understand the logic there and how you choosed to introduce those elments in the text.
But a casual reader may not be attentive enough and can end being confused.
Actually, I was confused at first and had to stop and think for a while to determine what happened exactly.
I believe a clearer statement would help.

Kitia abilities may be clear in your mind, what limits they have but, actually, as it is an origin story, the reader is expected to discover new things about the characters.

What we have is :

[ QUOTE ]
Kitia more crawled than walked to Andre. The delicate balance she possessed was countered by a disturbing thundering inside her head that distracted her focus in a major way. Gently she placed her hands on Andre’s forehead and began to concentrate. She fell into a trance that was so deep she became oblivious to anything else around her. It was left for Andrea to stand vigil.

[/ QUOTE ]

Here, Andre is apparently only injured. Nothing as dramatic as death is suggested because Kitia seemed to be confident she can halp.

then :

[ QUOTE ]
In a few minutes the three boys had left. Andrea just watched them go unwilling and perhaps incapable of stopping them. Besides, when she actively didn’t pay too much mind to them she could avoid thinking the numbers. Only three had left. She didn’t look at the lake. She just stared at Kitia hunched over the body of her brother and fought the growing nausea in her gut. He looked so restful. So much in peace. So dead.

[/ QUOTE ]

Here comes the suggestion Andre is dead.
Of course, Kitia didn't have that fear so we may consider it's just Andrea being wrong.
But we can also imagine Kitia wasn't able to heal Andre and he finally died.
The way "so dead" appears suggested me something changed. First he was injured, now he's dead.

But then :

[ QUOTE ]
The chilly breeze around the lake had turned cold. The last rays of daylight had gone and died. Under an oak tree sat three kids huddled together for warmth

[/ QUOTE ]

Andre is not only alive but no mention of his injuries is given.
(we get a mention about bandages later)

So the dramatic progression, as I understood it, is :
injured
dead
ok

My unease in this transition doesn't come from the state of mind of Andrea, the perceptions of things by the character but I had to reread the previous paragraph to understand correctly and figure what happened.
I had to guess Andrea was wrong about Andre being dead.

See my point : we first learn kitia can heal. Why, later, could she not resurrect someone ?
It could have been your intent to progressively introduce those aspects in Kitia character, up to her being able to resurrect people.
It's an origin story, the reader generally expect to see characters discovering new powers.


Pace of the story
[ QUOTE ]
The pace was also by intent. In the beginning there is ample time to observe and digest the world. When it all goes upside down their capability of grasping it all gets squashed. They lose what little control they ever had and land from sunny grassy hills to a robotic concentration / boot camp.

[/ QUOTE ]

I also understand that. However, I find the before-lake and after-lake parts are unbalanced in terms of descriptions and character details.
You took great care to create a setting at first, detailing personnality quirks.
When "things get serious", the setting elements fade into the dark.

I am aware you wanted to write a short story, not a novel. I just wished you kept your style of writing from the first part down to the end.

[ QUOTE ]
Describing beings is my weak point. Hmm, I'll write descriptions of each ND model with notable variations just for exercise's sake. Then I'll have them ready for more stories.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't worry, describing is difficult
I always find more difficult to write something to create a clear mental image of a character or a scenery than revealing plots and writing dialogues.

Sometimes, when I have an idea about something which can turn to a writing, I just write either quick notes or give a try at writing a whole scene.
Then, I keep the note for later uses.

I as well like the beginning of the story more, and I think the transition of quick action at the lake was good, but I know you were anxious to get it done with so maybe that shows in the ending. It's still good I think, mind you.

Good points from Fairy. I don't think it is any way necessary to tell what exactly happened to the gang members. It might be good to expand the kids reaction and thoughts on it, but for a reader it should be pretty clear that some foul play had happened. What? That is a mystery, but it doesn't really add to the story if it was solved.

Pyranha

That's it! You're on my list now, Faery girl. Along with Pyranha I'll now submit all my new texts to you for comments before going public with them.

You know the reward for doing good work? It's more work.

Your feedback is so much appreciated I want more of it, and preferably when it still can affect the outcome.

Only just got around to reading Summertime Sonata. A great story Coile! And really good writing. Quite professional in its style and quality. I look forward to reading the remaining in the series of A for Android.

I'm curious to know how experienced you are at writing short stories.

First of all, many thanks for your comments and feedback. Primarily for that you shared your thoughts, and it was good that you liked the stories too.

[ QUOTE ]
I'm curious to know how experienced you are at writing short stories.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm more experienced in short stories, or analyzing them, than writing. I've been the president of Finnish Science Fiction Writers' Association and edited their magazine for a few issues. I've worked for (a hobby thing, no payment involved) a critique service for sf short fiction and belonged to quite a few juries for different writing competitions, as well as edited about 50 fanzines which partly involved reading submitted short stories and picking some for publication. At one point I read for a reward thingy all published Finnish science fiction and fantasy short stories, for five years. I can say I've spend time thinking what makes a story good and working.

Does this in the slightest connect to writing short stories? Only a little. I've dreamed about writing stuff since I was a kid. Winning awards and the like. I've only written about five short stories with any seriousness and despite most of them been published it's not such a feat as the mags they were in were quite small and one a self-publication. On the serious publishing front I lack all merits, and even any genuine, real attempts by the standards I have today. I'm lazy.

I started writing more when I went into SWG RP scene and began doing recaps about stuff that went on in-game. Very quickly I had created a series of stories that were recounts of IG stuff. At some point it evolved into telling stories that happened, but not on-screen. When SWG came to an end I counted the individual stories and was surprised to note that I'd done about fifty of them. That's my major feat in the area of writing short stories - fifty fanfics about my Star Wars characters. (Said stories still exist and if someone is morbidly interested in them a few links can be obtained via a PM.) In broader circles that would be classed as "sad".

However they say that there is good stories in every writer, they just have to write a thousand pages full of bull to get to the good stuff. In other words you learn to write only by writing. If I begin counting my somewhat consistent writing career from NaNoWriMo of 2003 I've been at it for three years now. I'd like to think that meanwhile the quality has gone up.

My biggest accolade of any sort for now is "Creative Genius of July 2006 of City of Heroes European English boards". Not a big thing to brag about when meeting guys like Jeff Long and Ken MacLeod or having Michael Swanwick over for some barbecue, but I'm still proud of it. It's something I wanted to win and something I believe the people I am now writing to see as an achievement. It's a big thing to me.

Of course some day I'll go and win a load of Hugos and Nebulas abd maybe a Clarke award or two. Maybe a Tiptree. Well, if not, at least I'll die having a nice dream.

My next aim is to write an "A for Android" novel for this year's NaNoWriMo. It'll for example tell the reason why the series is titled the way it is. Maybe before that I get an urge to write a shortie. We'll see. It's about being in the mood and having a nagging voice that wants to be words on the screen. Coile must want to tell a story, and I'll tell it for him.

Thanks for the interest. /cheer

Respect.

/e bow.