(Here is an unedited copy of the interview that Positron had with the Mocker for a front page article they want to run in the Paragon Times...not sure how it got leaked, but people might want to take a look)
Positron: Hey. Take a seat there, ah... What is your superhero name again?
Mocker: Hey. Funny guy. I like that. I'm a funny guy, actually. Well, I'm like professionally funny and you, ya know, maybe accidently stumble on funny now and then. Anyways, I am really excited to be doing this interview for the Times. I think it will be really good for their sales and stuff, ya know, with the bad economy and all.
Positron: Well, a buddy of mine who works at the Times asked me to get the lowdown on what is arguably Paragon City's finest super group, and you were the only... I mean the first person we tried to get a hold of. I don't usually do interviews, because I am actually a hero myself. I keep pretty busy. Anyways, let's get this going and find out more about Ownage and ah, <looks at notes>, the Mocker.
Mocker: Yeah... OK. Well, one thing people always want to know about me is: why do I refer to myself in the 3rd person or with the, ah, "imperial" we?
Positron: That is a little odd. I think it was Mark Twain who said that only kings and people with tape worms should refer to themselves with the word "we"...
Mocker: Mark who? Look, The Mocker is actually like superhero royalty. You know when you reach the level of domination we have reached, kind of like The Rock did in wrestling or The Aids has done among venereal diseases, you need to point out to everyone that you deserve respect.
Positron: O... Kay... Well, what I really would like to get into is what it is like to team with The Kitten...
Mocker: <long pause> The Mocker is not amused.
Position: Hehe. Just a little joke there. Seriously, Kitten is known as one of the most devastating heroes working the streets of Paragon City.
Mocker: Hehe. You said Kitten "works the streets".
Position: What I mean is, ah, in whatever form we see her, she cuts through villains and completes missions at an incredible pace. She can turn the most powerful arch-villain into jelly at speeds unheard of in Paragon City. And we have had some pretty amazing heroes here over the years... <Position looks like he expects Mocker to say something>
Mocker: Like who?
Positron: Anyways, what is it like to team with her? She is among the best in the world, and I imagine she is pretty demanding and sets a high standard for butt-kicking performance.
Mocker: You want to know about Kitten? Let me tell you something about Kitten. She seems to have a single-minded focus on statistical dominance. Sure, she seems to be a min-maxer, but underneath that hardcore exterior is something else altogether.
Position: You're saying?
Mocker: She wants to six-slot brawl with endurance reduction enhancements.
Positron: What?
Mocker: Really. She wants to level a toon named Spinning Kitten to 20 and then take whirlwind instead of stamina. She wants to type "OOC" before typing AFK for a bio break.
Positron: You are saying?
Mocker: She is a carebear roleplayer at heart. Just wait. Pretty soon she will disband Ownage and form "Roleplay Forever", and she will have us talking to grey mobs in Altas Park and saying "you're welcome" to citizens as they thank us for pounding level 1 Hellions.
Positron: <looks uncomfortable> Well, let's change the subject here. What about Chaos? We have heard a lot about his masculinity and powerful ability to lead a team to victory.
Mocker: Are you serious? You want to know about Chaos?
Positron: He has a great reputation on the streets as an up and comer and as a lynchpin of Ownage's success...
Mocker: Let me tell you something about Chaos. We were teaming together against a hoard of clockwork villains and chasing down some of those annoying little suckers that pop up and run away at the worst times. Anyways, I asked him, you know, as a way of doing some male bonding, who in the SG he would make out with if he had the chance. I gave him three choices:
A) Kitten - [lovely & deadly leader of Ownage]
B) Trype Wire - [delicate spiritual backbone of the SG]
C) Shen - [shaves his back with his katanas]
Positron: And he picked...?
Mocker: Yeah, "C"! I was so stunned, I was like, "yeah man, me too". He said, "Hey man, have you seen Shen's new scrapper: Claws of Shen?". I was like, "yeah..." and he said. "Ew, I wish he would scratch me all over!" He started hugging himself and then I was like, "I think I need to respec real quick". "Rest isn't working out for me." And I bailed.
Positron: Well, what is the right answer?
Mocker: Are you dumb? A + B with some of that chocolate sauce that hardens into a crispy shell.
Positron: Wow. Maybe we could talk about Crimson, then. He has a reputation as one of the most devastating tankers in the world. I have heard he can tank all of the Arch-villains in a Statesman's task force at once all by himself.
Mocker: Maybe, but when he fought Ghost Widow, he was cri'ing for Clear Minds. He was like, "I need at least 11 or she will touch me hard in my no-no spot". I gave him 14. Cause that is how The Mocker rolls.
Positron: You are proud of that?
Mocker: 14 baby. Think about it.
Positron: But, what about how great he is?
Mocker: Let me tell you something about Crimson, OK? He gave me 20 million influence one time for nothing.
Positron: That seems nice...
Mocker: You are dense. They should call you Neutron. People don't give away 20 million. He wanted to cyberz!
Positron: Wait a minute!
Mocker: Look. Crimson is considered the best one-handed typer on Freedom Server. It's not just Roman soldiers that are getting blasted into space during Ownage's Imperious Task Forces. If you know what I mean.
Positron: That is just sick!
Mocker: Look. I thought you wanted to learn about The Mocker. I am the reason Ownage kicks so much butt. And what is it with the name "Positron" anyways? That doesn't say anything at all. It would be like if Superman was just called "Man". You might as well have been called Molecule.
Positron: I am made of energy. I project radiation. Positron is a great...
Mocker: Whoa. Is your, you know, johnson made of energy? How does Ms. Positron feel about that?
Positron: That is none of your business.
Mocker: I'll tell you. All the Ms. Mockers out there are happy with me. I got 6-inches of solid steal.
Positron: This is getting out of hand. The Time's readers don't want to know these kinds of things. And as some friendly advice: I wouldn't brag about 6 inches.
Mocker: I'm big for my frame...
(The two split up for a bit, and then resumed the interview. Here is the second part. This interview was supposed to be for a front page article to run in the Paragon Times, but Mocker has proved to be a difficult person to interview so far...)
Positron: OK. I am glad we took a break. I am not sure what you were doing in the bathroom for so long, but let's see if we can get some decent material for an article. I promised my friend he would have something to meet his deadline and wow his readers.
Mocker: Fine. Fine. Ask your questions.
Positron: Can you give me an example or a story that really exemplifies Ownage in action?
Mocker: Sure. I can think of one. Oh yeah. There was this time I was rocking out while fighting some clockwork in Kings Row...
Positron: Rocking out? What were you listening to?
Mocker: Are you serious? Rage Against the Machine! What do you listen to when you are kicking twitchy metal butt? "Killin' in the name of!" <Mocker does some killer air guitar>
Positron: Yeah. Sorry I asked. Anyways, what happened?
Mocker: The Rikti invaded Atlas Park and all hell broke loose. There were dead newbies everywhere. People couldn't get to the sewers, so you couldn't think for all the spam in broadcast chat. Run a naked, knife-wielding clown through a nursery full of two-year olds and you won't hear that much crying...
Positron: You know I can't use any of that in a newspaper article, right? Can you tell the story without any references to naked people or knives or babies?
Mocker: Sure. No problem. So anyways, the call comes out in SG chat. "People can't get to the sewers. Ownage is gonna save the day!" However, I was trying to get my clockwork badge, and since I know that my SG mates are 1337, I left it to them to get her done.
Positron: Very heroic.
Mocker: But, things didn't actually go as planned. Eventually, after the problem didn't get cleared up right away, I went to Atlas to help.
Positron: What did you see?
Mocker: There were orange names everywhere and Rikti running around overturning cars and flicking up the skirts of hot chicks. Statesman was faceplanted, and even Kitten was counting dirt pixels.
Positron: Wow. I guess I was in my laboratory that day. I only vaguely heard about that.
Mocker: Total disaster. Most of Ownage wiped and the big names were already down, but thank Baby Jesus Mocker was around. I gathered what Ownage we had left and went into action. I dropped PA to grab aggro, dished out 14 CM's, put a fort on the only scrapper standing, tossed both of my drop heals, RA'd and did a ghetto heal for some dude about to suck concrete.
Positron: Ghetto heal?
Mocker: Sure. That is when you pass someone a respite while you wait for your own healz timer to cycle...
Positron: Hey hey. You kids and your slang words!
Mocker: Sometimes the things you say make we want to beat your mom with a wiffle bat.
Positron: What?!? There's no need for personal attacks here! Just finish your story Mr. six inches of steel.
Mocker: If you look at how tall I am and how my body is proportioned... Anyways. Ah... I kicked some serious buttocks and saved the day.
Positron: What about the rest of Ownage? How did they perform?
Mocker: They were OK, I guess. I gave you your story, though. That should make the front page as is, I think. "The real story: Mocker freed sewers from Rikti's first reinvasion!"
Positron: What about Streetwar?
Mocker: The mobs didn't con white. Never entered the zone.
Positron: Mal?
Mocker: Smells like squid. Couldn't get a team.
Positron: Lacid?
Mocker: I am not even sure what a Lacid is.
Positron: Surely Pyria helped some...
Mocker: Has anyone even heard her talk? I think she is someone's bot.
Positron: Shadow?
Mocker: AFK bio the whole time.
Positron: Spirit?
Mocker: OK. I saw Spirit there, you know, doing his kung fu thing. But, what the hell is an Eidolon? He is one weird guy. He just makes up words like Spirit Moobapow! and Spirit Balamajam! I think he is foreign or something.
Positron: But he helped?
Mocker: Yeah. More than Justice did.
Positron: What did Justice do?
Mocker: Well, he flew in and shouted, "CA CAW!" in my ear. I was annoyed, but I thought, "At least we have some DPS." He dropped a few monkeys and then someone shouted, "CC moved to Talos Hill!" "All welcome." "250k Inf 1st Prize!"
Positron: No. He didn't?
Mocker: Yeah, he was all like, "Ca Caw! BRB! Just leveled and need enhancements RQ!"
Positron: He was 50 when he got there?
Mocker: Yup.
Positron: Someone must have shined during that fight from your SG. Really...
Got everyone one pumped up and then bought it cause he was typing and couldn't defend himself. Err, let's see... Shojo mistelled his request for help to a Chinese Influence farmer. Dropped without hitting a button. Oh, and Jack, Nile and Nightseek were in the middle of some NCT and missed the fig...
Positron: NCT?
Mocker: Oh crap. I am really sorry. I said a little too much there. Let's drop it, OK?
Positron: Come on. Off the record. I have heard about Ownage and NCT before. Everyone is dying to know...
Mocker: Well, the first rule about NCT is that you DON'T talk about NCT.
Positron: And the second rule?
Mocker: You can only use the kind of chocolate that hardens into a crispy shell...
Positron: What?!? What the hell can the third rule be?
Mocker: You can never have NCT with just 2 people. Everyone has to join in.
Positron: And NCT stands for?
Mocker: I can't tell you.
Positron: Do you really want the 6-inch business to make it into the Times?
Mocker: Right. Nekked Chocolate Time...
Positron: That is disgusting! Well... I just can't believe a super group like Ownage would do something like that. It's inconceivable!
Mocker: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Positron: But what about Trype Wire? She is pregnant for Pete's sake!
Mocker: Oh, officially, she is opposed to NCT. But...
Positron: Well?
Mocker: Hot, sweaty, nekked Mocker covered in a crispy shell of sticky sweet Hershey's chocolate. Put that in your mind's eye and swish it around. Swish it good and now, think about it. How long could you resist a lick?
Positron: Oh. I feel like Mutation is wearing off. Where is the rest room?!?!
(And so ended the interview with the Mocker. Only time will tell how much of this story is lost and how much of it will be published to thrill and entertain the denizens of Paragon City for ages...)
Ownage is a SG on Freedom that focuses on having fun. We joke around and razz each other, but there is no better place to waste the hours away fighting the enemies of Paragon City.
(Here is an unedited copy of the interview that Positron had with the Mocker for a front page article they want to run in the Paragon Times...not sure how it got leaked, but people might want to take a look)
Positron: Hey. Take a seat there, ah... What is your superhero name again?
Mocker: Hey. Funny guy. I like that. I'm a funny guy, actually. Well, I'm like professionally funny and you, ya know, maybe accidently stumble on funny now and then. Anyways, I am really excited to be doing this interview for the Times. I think it will be really good for their sales and stuff, ya know, with the bad economy and all.
Positron: Well, a buddy of mine who works at the Times asked me to get the lowdown on what is arguably Paragon City's finest super group, and you were the only... I mean the first person we tried to get a hold of. I don't usually do interviews, because I am actually a hero myself. I keep pretty busy. Anyways, let's get this going and find out more about Ownage and ah, <looks at notes>, the Mocker.
Mocker: Yeah... OK. Well, one thing people always want to know about me is: why do I refer to myself in the 3rd person or with the, ah, "imperial" we?
Positron: That is a little odd. I think it was Mark Twain who said that only kings and people with tape worms should refer to themselves with the word "we"...
Mocker: Mark who? Look, The Mocker is actually like superhero royalty. You know when you reach the level of domination we have reached, kind of like The Rock did in wrestling or The Aids has done among venereal diseases, you need to point out to everyone that you deserve respect.
Positron: O... Kay... Well, what I really would like to get into is what it is like to team with The Kitten...
Mocker: <long pause> The Mocker is not amused.
Position: Hehe. Just a little joke there. Seriously, Kitten is known as one of the most devastating heroes working the streets of Paragon City.
Mocker: Hehe. You said Kitten "works the streets".
Position: What I mean is, ah, in whatever form we see her, she cuts through villains and completes missions at an incredible pace. She can turn the most powerful arch-villain into jelly at speeds unheard of in Paragon City. And we have had some pretty amazing heroes here over the years... <Position looks like he expects Mocker to say something>
Mocker: Like who?
Positron: Anyways, what is it like to team with her? She is among the best in the world, and I imagine she is pretty demanding and sets a high standard for butt-kicking performance.
Mocker: You want to know about Kitten? Let me tell you something about Kitten. She seems to have a single-minded focus on statistical dominance. Sure, she seems to be a min-maxer, but underneath that hardcore exterior is something else altogether.
Position: You're saying?
Mocker: She wants to six-slot brawl with endurance reduction enhancements.
Positron: What?
Mocker: Really. She wants to level a toon named Spinning Kitten to 20 and then take whirlwind instead of stamina. She wants to type "OOC" before typing AFK for a bio break.
Positron: You are saying?
Mocker: She is a carebear roleplayer at heart. Just wait. Pretty soon she will disband Ownage and form "Roleplay Forever", and she will have us talking to grey mobs in Altas Park and saying "you're welcome" to citizens as they thank us for pounding level 1 Hellions.
Positron: <looks uncomfortable> Well, let's change the subject here. What about Chaos? We have heard a lot about his masculinity and powerful ability to lead a team to victory.
Mocker: Are you serious? You want to know about Chaos?
Positron: He has a great reputation on the streets as an up and comer and as a lynchpin of Ownage's success...
Mocker: Let me tell you something about Chaos. We were teaming together against a hoard of clockwork villains and chasing down some of those annoying little suckers that pop up and run away at the worst times. Anyways, I asked him, you know, as a way of doing some male bonding, who in the SG he would make out with if he had the chance. I gave him three choices:
A) Kitten - [lovely & deadly leader of Ownage]
B) Trype Wire - [delicate spiritual backbone of the SG]
C) Shen - [shaves his back with his katanas]
Positron: And he picked...?
Mocker: Yeah, "C"! I was so stunned, I was like, "yeah man, me too". He said, "Hey man, have you seen Shen's new scrapper: Claws of Shen?". I was like, "yeah..." and he said. "Ew, I wish he would scratch me all over!" He started hugging himself and then I was like, "I think I need to respec real quick". "Rest isn't working out for me." And I bailed.
Positron: Well, what is the right answer?
Mocker: Are you dumb? A + B with some of that chocolate sauce that hardens into a crispy shell.
Positron: Wow. Maybe we could talk about Crimson, then. He has a reputation as one of the most devastating tankers in the world. I have heard he can tank all of the Arch-villains in a Statesman's task force at once all by himself.
Mocker: Maybe, but when he fought Ghost Widow, he was cri'ing for Clear Minds. He was like, "I need at least 11 or she will touch me hard in my no-no spot". I gave him 14. Cause that is how The Mocker rolls.
Positron: You are proud of that?
Mocker: 14 baby. Think about it.
Positron: But, what about how great he is?
Mocker: Let me tell you something about Crimson, OK? He gave me 20 million influence one time for nothing.
Positron: That seems nice...
Mocker: You are dense. They should call you Neutron. People don't give away 20 million. He wanted to cyberz!
Positron: Wait a minute!
Mocker: Look. Crimson is considered the best one-handed typer on Freedom Server. It's not just Roman soldiers that are getting blasted into space during Ownage's Imperious Task Forces. If you know what I mean.
Positron: That is just sick!
Mocker: Look. I thought you wanted to learn about The Mocker. I am the reason Ownage kicks so much butt. And what is it with the name "Positron" anyways? That doesn't say anything at all. It would be like if Superman was just called "Man". You might as well have been called Molecule.
Positron: I am made of energy. I project radiation. Positron is a great...
Mocker: Whoa. Is your, you know, johnson made of energy? How does Ms. Positron feel about that?
Positron: That is none of your business.
Mocker: I'll tell you. All the Ms. Mockers out there are happy with me. I got 6-inches of solid steal.
Positron: This is getting out of hand. The Time's readers don't want to know these kinds of things. And as some friendly advice: I wouldn't brag about 6 inches.
Mocker: I'm big for my frame...
(The two split up for a bit, and then resumed the interview. Here is the second part. This interview was supposed to be for a front page article to run in the Paragon Times, but Mocker has proved to be a difficult person to interview so far...)
Positron: OK. I am glad we took a break. I am not sure what you were doing in the bathroom for so long, but let's see if we can get some decent material for an article. I promised my friend he would have something to meet his deadline and wow his readers.
Mocker: Fine. Fine. Ask your questions.
Positron: Can you give me an example or a story that really exemplifies Ownage in action?
Mocker: Sure. I can think of one. Oh yeah. There was this time I was rocking out while fighting some clockwork in Kings Row...
Positron: Rocking out? What were you listening to?
Mocker: Are you serious? Rage Against the Machine! What do you listen to when you are kicking twitchy metal butt? "Killin' in the name of!" <Mocker does some killer air guitar>
Positron: Yeah. Sorry I asked. Anyways, what happened?
Mocker: The Rikti invaded Atlas Park and all hell broke loose. There were dead newbies everywhere. People couldn't get to the sewers, so you couldn't think for all the spam in broadcast chat. Run a naked, knife-wielding clown through a nursery full of two-year olds and you won't hear that much crying...
Positron: You know I can't use any of that in a newspaper article, right? Can you tell the story without any references to naked people or knives or babies?
Mocker: Sure. No problem. So anyways, the call comes out in SG chat. "People can't get to the sewers. Ownage is gonna save the day!" However, I was trying to get my clockwork badge, and since I know that my SG mates are 1337, I left it to them to get her done.
Positron: Very heroic.
Mocker: But, things didn't actually go as planned. Eventually, after the problem didn't get cleared up right away, I went to Atlas to help.
Positron: What did you see?
Mocker: There were orange names everywhere and Rikti running around overturning cars and flicking up the skirts of hot chicks. Statesman was faceplanted, and even Kitten was counting dirt pixels.
Positron: Wow. I guess I was in my laboratory that day. I only vaguely heard about that.
Mocker: Total disaster. Most of Ownage wiped and the big names were already down, but thank Baby Jesus Mocker was around. I gathered what Ownage we had left and went into action. I dropped PA to grab aggro, dished out 14 CM's, put a fort on the only scrapper standing, tossed both of my drop heals, RA'd and did a ghetto heal for some dude about to suck concrete.
Positron: Ghetto heal?
Mocker: Sure. That is when you pass someone a respite while you wait for your own healz timer to cycle...
Positron: Hey hey. You kids and your slang words!
Mocker: Sometimes the things you say make we want to beat your mom with a wiffle bat.
Positron: What?!? There's no need for personal attacks here! Just finish your story Mr. six inches of steel.
Mocker: If you look at how tall I am and how my body is proportioned... Anyways. Ah... I kicked some serious buttocks and saved the day.
Positron: What about the rest of Ownage? How did they perform?
Mocker: They were OK, I guess. I gave you your story, though. That should make the front page as is, I think. "The real story: Mocker freed sewers from Rikti's first reinvasion!"
Positron: What about Streetwar?
Mocker: The mobs didn't con white. Never entered the zone.
Positron: Mal?
Mocker: Smells like squid. Couldn't get a team.
Positron: Lacid?
Mocker: I am not even sure what a Lacid is.
Positron: Surely Pyria helped some...
Mocker: Has anyone even heard her talk? I think she is someone's bot.
Positron: Shadow?
Mocker: AFK bio the whole time.
Positron: Spirit?
Mocker: OK. I saw Spirit there, you know, doing his kung fu thing. But, what the hell is an Eidolon? He is one weird guy. He just makes up words like Spirit Moobapow! and Spirit Balamajam! I think he is foreign or something.
Positron: But he helped?
Mocker: Yeah. More than Justice did.
Positron: What did Justice do?
Mocker: Well, he flew in and shouted, "CA CAW!" in my ear. I was annoyed, but I thought, "At least we have some DPS." He dropped a few monkeys and then someone shouted, "CC moved to Talos Hill!" "All welcome." "250k Inf 1st Prize!"
Positron: No. He didn't?
Mocker: Yeah, he was all like, "Ca Caw! BRB! Just leveled and need enhancements RQ!"
Positron: He was 50 when he got there?
Mocker: Yup.
Positron: Someone must have shined during that fight from your SG. Really...
Mocker: Well, Brody shouted,
"HEY GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got everyone one pumped up and then bought it cause he was typing and couldn't defend himself. Err, let's see... Shojo mistelled his request for help to a Chinese Influence farmer. Dropped without hitting a button. Oh, and Jack, Nile and Nightseek were in the middle of some NCT and missed the fig...
Positron: NCT?
Mocker: Oh crap. I am really sorry. I said a little too much there. Let's drop it, OK?
Positron: Come on. Off the record. I have heard about Ownage and NCT before. Everyone is dying to know...
Mocker: Well, the first rule about NCT is that you DON'T talk about NCT.
Positron: And the second rule?
Mocker: You can only use the kind of chocolate that hardens into a crispy shell...
Positron: What?!? What the hell can the third rule be?
Mocker: You can never have NCT with just 2 people. Everyone has to join in.
Positron: And NCT stands for?
Mocker: I can't tell you.
Positron: Do you really want the 6-inch business to make it into the Times?
Mocker: Right. Nekked Chocolate Time...
Positron: That is disgusting! Well... I just can't believe a super group like Ownage would do something like that. It's inconceivable!
Mocker: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Positron: But what about Trype Wire? She is pregnant for Pete's sake!
Mocker: Oh, officially, she is opposed to NCT. But...
Positron: Well?
Mocker: Hot, sweaty, nekked Mocker covered in a crispy shell of sticky sweet Hershey's chocolate. Put that in your mind's eye and swish it around. Swish it good and now, think about it. How long could you resist a lick?
Positron: Oh. I feel like Mutation is wearing off. Where is the rest room?!?!
(And so ended the interview with the Mocker. Only time will tell how much of this story is lost and how much of it will be published to thrill and entertain the denizens of Paragon City for ages...)
Ownage is a SG on Freedom that focuses on having fun. We joke around and razz each other, but there is no better place to waste the hours away fighting the enemies of Paragon City.
Check us out at www.ownagesg.com!
The Mocker