clean, precise... a little wordy sometimes
I liked the custom characters. the Test guys look so cute in their matching outfits!
good details. I missed a few, but I like that the npcs had bios.
the intro to the last mish felt rushed. there was a disaster, but Mynx sounded so casual. seemed a little forced
still, great job! 
*edit- also, where were the allis in the last mish? I couldn't find them.
That's the problem with words; there are so many of them to choose from....
Thanks for the feedback! I agree about the finale intro. Ideally, there should be another mission in there, something to show the damage increasing. But the limit is five, and I'm unwilling to drop any of the others. Maybe I'll re-write the intro later.
Thanks again!
(And there are three CoH signature heroes hiding somewhere in the final mission. I didn't know if the AV would be too hard, so I added a safety net.)
Rise of the Copper Legion (#60280; with soundtrack)
The Fractured Dreamer (#498588; with musical theme)
"Now Leaving: Paragon City": original composition for the end of CoH
I recently made some changes to the final mish that (hopefully) make the Allies much easier to find.
Rise of the Copper Legion (#60280; with soundtrack)
The Fractured Dreamer (#498588; with musical theme)
"Now Leaving: Paragon City": original composition for the end of CoH
@GlaziusF
Dropping some feedback here, from a low 40s DB/fire brute (on diff 2), because Mission Engineer still ain't gonna earn itself.
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Hmm. A law firm? Maybe Mynx should say something about it being a front for document storage or something.
That patrol dialogue about guarding vs. killing the lawyers seems a bit bloodthirsty, even for Crey. Maybe just have the response be some confused muttering and then "we need to check in with $AGENT_NAME_HERE", who is in the last room as an optional boss.
The actual thing I'm looking for is down on the third floor in a little side alcove, which is kind of odd. Where were you trying to put it?
It's not exactly stumbling onto something big if I was following orders to go after it, but whatever catnips your mouse, Mynx.
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Mystery ship! Precious cargo! It has to be... CANDY CORN VAMPIRES!
The patrols are intended to be lightly comedic, but I don't really see why there's this "tension" one of them alludes to. I mean, child slavery is relatively low on the Crey scale of terrible secrets.
(Also, where'd they nab him from? Not Paragon, otherwise they wouldn't need to throw him on a ship to get him here.)
Mynx should probably put "shipment" in quotes.
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Woo! Time to break stuff FOR JUSTICE!
And I get a tiny wrecking crew. Okay. Looks like Crey are doing enhancement ops here and creating a bunch of teenagers with attitude. Alternate Paragon Protector thing, maybe?
It doesn't exactly feel right to have a couple of kids in lab coats going up against dudes in power armor, but I guess this is how the genre goes.
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Visiting a psychic subject to experimental enhancements when she's trying to recover from crazy bodily trauma. This won't be weird at all.
Oh. Carnies. Not the weird I was expecting.
It seems the princess is in another castle, and the Carnies want to use her as a giant psychic firehose.
But... where IS she? It doesn't seem like grilling the raid leader is going to get any more information given that they came up empty searching too.
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Ah, when in doubt, follow the hideous psychic trail of destruction.
Man, Mynx called in the big guns.
But I gotta take issue with Numina here. Vanessa's also everywhere, that's how the masks work.
Still, having a local superior isn't entirely unreasonable, and along with the gang of MIND CRUSHERS she goes down. Reasonable powerset all-told.
And then the boom. Mynx finds out through other sources that this was all part of a suicide bomb mutant project on the part of Crey.
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Well, the law firm and the cargo ship were a little uneven but things picked up after that -- but that's kinda the problem. Josie Dreamtime's powers going nuts kinda play the job of coda to the whole thing about Crey's experimentation, (3 missions about Crey, 2 about her) but that's not how important her role in this whole thing is.
I'd suggest cutting the first mission entirely, kicking the arc off with the cargo ship, and putting an interstitial between the current missions 4 and 5 about going into a Crey lab and finding out what Josie is and what she might be up to, maybe under the umbrella of finding the frequency for the tracking device implanted in her. Because there's always a tracking device.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
Wow. You really threw me a curve ball, here!
The good kind, mind you. This arc has been around since Beta, and was my first attempt at a story arc. I've become so familiar with the plot that I couldn't imagine it any other way, despite several issues that keep popping back in. But you're comments raise some very interesting concepts!
Until my internal deliberation is finished, I see I have some minor re-writes to busy myself with. Should be fun. 
Thanks for the feedback!
Rise of the Copper Legion (#60280; with soundtrack)
The Fractured Dreamer (#498588; with musical theme)
"Now Leaving: Paragon City": original composition for the end of CoH
#4384: Double-Edged Sword: gave it a shot with Aehaed the level 50 mind/forcefield
Mission title in indigo - Somehow I didn't even see the title until I came out of the mission. A bit hard to read. Perhaps a lighter shade of indigo.
Mission 1: good to see false glowie targets. The difference between false and real seems a bit obvious - perhaps vary the false types a bit.
Not much dialog in this mission.
Mission 2 intro: Mynx assumes some unknown device or artifact - how do we know that much?
Accept should be easy as cake, er pie (not pie, er, cake) else I wouldn't have corrected myself...
One nice patrol dialog.
I sneak through doing glowies, until I find what I'm looking for.
Will's description is very brief. Perhaps explain that his karate outfit is pyjamas.
2nd mission return, Mynx finishes with "let me know what else you've found", but there was nothing else, it becomes a dropped topic.
Mission 3 - and the plot is still pretty lightweight. As the send-off says, we still don't know what Crey is up to. Nothing seems to have been deduced from the kid I rescued, despite suggestions that it might.
I persuaded the guard to tell me the names of 5 test subjects - could I have tried to find out the purpose of the lab too? Or perhaps I grilled the guard, he didn't know, but he met the five when he was on feeding duty or something.
Johhny's description: Abilites -> Abilities
Nina: Abilites -> Abilities
The sidekicks are making the tediously identical Crey less of a problem.
Josephine was invisible when I found her. Her powers in her description don't seem to cover this.
And I'm done. Hopefully the 5 I've rescued will shed more light on this than the guy on the boat. Their descriptions suggest they're being enhanced.
Mission 4: Josephine's behaviour at the end of the last mission dovetails nicely into this mission.
Pop-up on entry says "something is very wrong here". This isn't helpful at all, I have no reason to think that. All I know is there is a raid leader to defeat - what kind of raid?
First hostage does a great job of clarifying though: I think they're looking for something.
So I took out Mireille - didn't get a chance to check her description, still utterly in the dark. But after a while I decided to take out her Phantasm as well, and then got the information. So kid is valuable, and Carnies want her too.
Exit pop-up states the obvious...
Mission 5 - timed! Great to see that warning, as I was otherwise going to start this with dinner approaching. Continuing (now well fed) I spot Sister Psyche as a potential ally, but figure I'll check out the big bad first. It's an Elite Boss on level 1 difficulty, so I take her out. Rather easily - I imagine with Numina, Swan or Sister Psyche it would be overkill. More than 1, a massacre. Incidentally, why are those three imprisoned? I free Numina in case she can tell me, but she's more concerned about the poor widdle Carnies!
Overall, the feeling of the first 4 missions is not really "save the world", more just "save a couple of kids". Perhaps it makes more sense for lower level folks. This would also result in more variety in the Crey personnel appearing. The last mission is much more grandiose, but to get there was a rather low level path.
Perhaps something in my earlier adventures might subject me to powers that permit me to resist Josephine - then I'd have a reason for being the "big good" despite the presence of Freedom Phalanx members. Early exposure to a weaker Josephine provides, uh, neural antibodies? Or something a little less ludicrous...
I don't know Mynx much, whether her blase dialog ties to canon. If not, perhaps she could be a little more thorough with following up after mission 2.
And I guess I missed the gist of the story title. A double-edged sword often refers to one that might bite back, but I don't see the risk to Crey.
Overall, a nice, simple arc, with a storyline that develops slowly then turns huge in mission 5.
Cheers, airhead
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
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Arc Name: The Double-Edged Sword
Arc ID: 4384
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: @theHedoren
Difficulty Level: Medium (final mission contains 1 AV, but with optional Allies); 30+ for three missions, 40+ for two
Synopsis: Crey's latest experiments unleash a powerful force on Paragon City. I won't say much more, but there's at least one plot twist. Plot-oriented.
Also, I'd like to think I had a great attention to detail, but I'm sure I missed something somewhere.
Rise of the Copper Legion (#60280; with soundtrack)
The Fractured Dreamer (#498588; with musical theme)
"Now Leaving: Paragon City": original composition for the end of CoH