Farwielder's detailed origin story *WIP*

This is just a preview of what I've got so far. It takes off from a very important moment in Far's hero career. Hope you like it so far.
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“States said the kid would be around here somewhere. He could make it easier by setting another apartment complex ablaze”

“Shh Manticore! We know that was an accident. He can’t control his powers very well yet.”

It’s always been different for me I guess. When I shoot my bow I’ve gotta think about it. I take the arrow from my quiver, set it into the bow, pick a target and release. Nothing as automatic as getting a little hot under the collar and leveling a city block.

“Try not to make jokes about his powers. He has a real sensitivity towards them it seems.”

Psyche is right. I don’t know what he’s been through. With the thousands of capes in Paragon it’s only once in awhile that a kid who’s only just developed his powers gets special attention from the big guy himself.

He must have something special to him.
Or maybe this is all just busy work, keep me outta State’s hair for awhile.
Guess we'll see.

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Just wondering, So far have I captured Sister Psyche and Manticore well?

Other comments, Critisisms?

I like it!

I'm finding it hard to tell who's speaking.

I'd be wary of using the Established Characters too, I know he runs with Mant cause he gives him the suit.

Don't mean to offend Far, but it seems a bit Gary Stu'ish from just this snippet. I mean not only his he buds with Mant, but SP and Statesman are in his circle of friends too?

I know he can level city blocks and whatnot, but the same can be said of at least some of those "thousands of capes" too.

If you were goin to use them, have Mant bring it up as an issue. I'd like to see that, and it's more believable that Mant would stop quipping one liners and real show concern over one his pupils, than Statesman suddenly taking interest in a single "Cape" when he has not only the Whole of Paragon City, but the constant threat of, Another Rikti Rift/Aggressive Alternate Dimensions via Portal Corp/The Rogue Isles and all that comes with it, etc, etc,...

Don't hate me!



Me 2 Bits,
-Cj

Seems pretty interesting, can't wait for more!

If you're looking for personality capturing, read some of the comics - Those show a ton of it!

Far really won't have contact with any of Freedom Phlanx other then this encounter with Sister and Manticore since he's his adopted Dad.

Statesman really IS just sending Mant out on busy work, but Mant finds out what happened to his parents and relates to him and takes him. Essentially Far is on his way to becoming a villain (more on that later) Also the rumors of his powers (at this point) are highly exagerated. He as of now has only destroyed one building, which was by complete and utter accident. So for now Far really isn't anything special.

Mant and Sister are trying to approach him right now with an ultimatum.
You'll just have to wait to see.

See, You even say it yourself.

[ QUOTE ]
So for now Far really isn't anything special.


[/ QUOTE ]

I can see Mant takin an interest, but Statesman and SP? Their motives are not as clear to me yet.

I shall wait and see then.

-Cj

Ohh the little blip about being able to level a city block was just Mant talking about how being a natural origin hero he doesn't have any powers he can't control (besides that arrow teleport deal) and how feels he isn't all that powerful. I wasn't talking about Far specificly . I need to word that better.

Ah, it's inner monologue! I see now.

You need to distinguish who's speaking cause that's what got me confused. There are no "she said." "he said."'s there to help the reader out.

Seriously tho, Amp his power level up. Demolish that City Block. Make Far an actual viable target for both the Freedom Phalanx and The Rogue Isles to notice. That gives us the reader complete believability that Statesman/Arachnos would have to take notice.

-Cj

[ QUOTE ]

Seriously tho, Amp his power level up. Demolish that City Block. Make Far an actual viable target for both the Freedom Phalanx and The Rogue Isles to notice. That gives us the reader complete believability that Statesman/Arachnos would have to take notice.

-Cj

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Haha interestingly that's where I was going to go with it until I thought you had talked me out of it. I thought you meant to make him less powerful when in fact you wanted him stronger. Gotcha

Admittedly I don't know who the writer you refered to is so in my head I thought he was an author that just made every character a god and well that's never fun.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Seriously tho, Amp his power level up. Demolish that City Block. Make Far an actual viable target for both the Freedom Phalanx and The Rogue Isles to notice. That gives us the reader complete believability that Statesman/Arachnos would have to take notice.

-Cj

[/ QUOTE ]

Haha interestingly that's where I was going to go with it until I thought you had talked me out of it. I thought you meant to make him less powerful when in fact you wanted him stronger. Gotcha

Admittedly I don't know who the writer you refered to is so in my head I thought he was an author that just made every character a god and well that's never fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually I was refferencing this.

It's found alot in Comix. Usually known as "Mary Stu", the male version is called "Gary Stu". An Example as you mentioned is "Superman". No flaws, Nada, just pure perfection and wish fullfillment.

But yeh. Having your character be best buds with Statesman, Honorary Member of the Freedom Phalanx, Tons of cash, etc, etc, is very "Gary Stu."

Not sayin that it's Far's origin just givin an example.

I've always liked the "Coming to terms with their Powers" stories, and they're much more interesting when it's dealing with atom bomb level powers assigned to teens/kids. "Akira" is the best example of this IMHO.

So make a Far a Megaton bomb!! I mean, one building? On fire? My level 34 Defender can take those all week long(not on the sabbath tho), you don't call in Manticore of the Freedom Phalanx to run a Firefighter Mish, You Call Manticore to take out that FULL Team of level 50 Villains defending that turret in Recluse's Victory.

Not sayin don't use the Established Heroes, Just remember that they are UBER so the prices to be paid must just as UBER for us to believe they'll take part.

-Cj