Good background. I like this much better than the usual background stories. You gave more meat to the character, showed his motiviation or at least his belief instead of what their exact powers are and how they got them, which in the long run isn't really that important. It was a great a glimpse into his mindset. Good job! Decent read too. Pace was good, liked the dialogue. Actually it'd be nice to read some more of his adventures, or at least his view on the matters in Paragon City/Rogue Isles. It's hard out there for gray, in a city of black and white.
Keep that pen to paper, scribe.
Heya folks. I decided to try something a little different with this story. First and foremost its a stand alone bit with no real connections to any of my other works. Secondly I tried to avoid talking about origins or other things in the story and just let the characters play off one another. I'd appreciate some criticisim on this one, and any advice on how best to improve would be greatly appreciated.
Dobermann: Mad Dog Barking
New Suit?
Check
New Sunglasses?
Check
Cash in wallet?
...Crud
Where did he go? The shouts and explosions were really loud now. Part of the building was on fire and several of the Freakshow were either lying on the floor leaking motor oil and bodily fluids or physically embedded into the plaster of the wall or ceiling.
M457ER FR34K3R was not having a good day. Neither was Gigawatt from the looks of it.
The Juicer Chief had, after all, come through the nearby wall face first.
DAMNITT WHERE ARE YOU?
Jeeze youre acting like this is some bad class Z horror flick pal. Chill out.
M457ER FR34K3R whipped around and saw the thing leaning up against the wall. It was blurry, and that was about all he could tell.
DIE!! The Freakshow tank charged the blur and fired a concussion grenade as if to emphasize his point.
Thats when he was hit in the face by a Mack Truck. Or at least it felt that way.
The massive body was then literally LIFTED off the floor by a blow to the jaw that snapped the metal casings that held part of his skull together. M457ER FR34K3R slammed into the fluorescent lights up above and then into the floor leaving a small crater where he landed.
The blur leaned over him and then suddenly was not a blur anymore.
Mr. Sonata does not LIKE it when chumps like you waltz out on their debts buddy boy. When people welsh on their debts like that it makes him upset, and then he calls people like me.
The man was dressed to the nines in a good looking charcoal gray and black suit. Probably Armani, but the dress shoes pressing into M457ER FR34K3Rs face were definitely Gucci.
Oh crap Dobermann.
Oh ya herd of me? Good then you know how this is gonna go. The man cracked his knuckles and then brushed his long white hair from his face. Even with his sunglasses on the dark gleam in his eyes was blatantly visible.
There was a sound like a pop followed by running liquid. Dobermann looked down and then back at M457ER FR34K3Rs face.
You seem to be leaking coolant at a rapid pace.
I can pay man! I can pay! Oh God
Dobermann snorted and then lifted the Freakshow tank up by the metal collar and hoisted him into the air. It was like watching an ant lift a rock. M457ER FR34K3R began to sob.
Oh you can PAY huh? And here I was gonna swing your sorry butt past Doc Buzzsaw and see how much I could get for recycling. Cough it up pal, with interest.
Dobermann swung M457ER FR34K3R to the floor HARD. The tank began to blubber but a containment chamber opened on his chest revealing almost 2 pounds of uncut diamonds.
You were the nitwits that hit the diamond exchange as well? Must be my lucky day. And whats this? Wow twenty grand in cash? Hasnt anyone told you its stupid to keep all your cash in one place?
Dobermann pocketed the goods and grinned at the wad of cash. That filled his wallet to be sure.
Now look boy. You pull this kinda crap with Mr. Sonata again and Ill be back. Dobermann suddenly kicked out hard and shattered one of M457ER FR34K3Rs mechanical legs. The tank was still cursing and screaming in pain as Dobermann walked out humming a tune.
Dobermann cloaked once more as he left the broken down warehouse and leapt into the blue sky. He silently wondered who fixed the potholes he left in the road whenever he landed a jump and lifted off again.
On the way back to the Giza he did a quick bout of mental arithmetic and settled on the fee for this quick job. It was about 5Gs over his usual price, but since he found who had nabbed those diamonds as well as forced a payment of debt, Basse should have nothing to complain about.
As it was, the dropoff was quick and to the point. Basse wanted to offer another Job but Dobermann shook his head and patted his wallet with his payment, 15 grand total. Not bad for a quick days work.
You needed 15Gs to go to the D? Cripes man what the heck do you do there?
Dobermann grinned.
Advertise my man. Advertise. Ill take that Tsoo job when Im back, but thats not gonna be for a while. Ill call ya.
Basse nodded and then took the envelopes with the diamonds while Dobermann left the Giza and went to access Pocket D. The mild nausea from the dimensional warp was nothing new, and he smiled when he saw the bouncer inside the entrance.
Hey Terry hows tricks?
HEY! Its the D-man! Goin good pal. The bouncer by the St Martial door smiled as Dobermann passed by. You get me those tickets yet?
With a toss over his shoulder Dobermann passed an envelope to Terry without breaking his stride.
He didnt wait for Terry to open them; he could hear the mans excitement over the box seats for the next big concert by Johnny Sonata. Dobermann was too busy grinning at Malestera, his favorite Succubi hostess. She smiled back at him and shook her head before he could even open his mouth.
Dont even start hot stuff. You know the rules, Im not allowed to date patrons.
You wound me Mal. You cut me deep. All I was gonna ask for was a coffee with you.
Nix that idea then. Now you just get in there and enjoy yourself.
Id love to Mal but youll be out here.
She smirked at that and shook her head.
You know I cant Dobermann. Not unless
Yeah Yeah and trust me, Im working on it. Dobermann tapped his nose then and winked. Less said about it the better though. Later Mal!
With that Dobermann entered the lift and decended or was it ascended? He was never really sure. Regardless he entered the D.
The music was loud, the booze was flowing, the women were hot, and the action was intense.
God I love it here.
He wandered up the stairwell and over to the second story bar on the villain side. As far as he was concerned that distinction was a shaky philosophical playground at best. Hell, half the heroes he had met should have been named Captain Collateral Damage.
Heya D-man. You want the ususal?
Hey Sal whats up? Yeah, oh and I have a new box of my business cards for you.
Sal nodded while he mixed the Manhattan.
You still trolling for jobs Dobermann? With all you do Im surprised youre not rolling in bread.
Yeah well I lead an expensive lifestyle. Dobermann toasted his bartender and left a fifty for a tip. Besides, all the good business is here at the D, so even when I relax Im on duty. Life of a Fixer man life of a fixer.
He took a heavy pull from his cocktail and nodded in appreciation.
Besides you make the best damn Manhattans this side of New York.
Dobermann grabbed a seat in front of the bar and sat staring out the huge bay windows showing a vista of floating islands in an orange and yellow sky.
Sal meanwhile was opening the box offered by Dobermann and looking at the business cards.
You know I get all types in here, but youre the only one that drops off something like this. Sal held up the card and read it aloud.
Dobermann: Problems Solved. Not much of an add is it?
It is to the right people Sal.
I can imagine, but why are you constantly trying to drum up more business then? I heard you aint cheap.
Dobermann sighed and gestured to his empty glass. Sal nodded and began to make another Manhattan.
I keep advertising because half the jobs out there I wouldnt do for a million bucks
How do you mean?
Well Well look around for example. Look at half the patrons here. You, the wait staff, and perhaps myself are the only people dressed in a way that you could confuse with normal people. Dobermann took the new drink and sipped it gently. I mean come on, I know this is a nightclub but should that woman be wearing something that looks painted on?
He gestured to a woman out on the dance floor who was wearing a costume so tight it was a wonder her circulation was flowing. She was writhing and gyrating in a way that would make a stripper blush.
And SHES a hero. Dobermann snorted while making the quotation marks with his hands. And dont even get me started on what Swan or Sister Psyche wears. I thought the idea of a uniform was to cover UP a persons identity.
Sad thing is D Ive seen worse. Sal stated simply as he pulled a couple beers and slid them down the counter to a group of hooded men.
Yeah Ill bet. The Villians are worse. Ive seen some women running around out there with less on than a string and a contact lens. Dobermann suddenly sighed and rubbed his eyes. Its not the women who dress like that that get to me however its the mentality.
The mentality?
Yeah Its this whole damn Hero and Villain thing. Its as if both sides have to show just how Good or Evil they are. Stupid if you ask me.
I still dont see why that means you have to keep on trolling for jobs.
The mentality man! Its the mentality! The people out there that WOULD hire someone like me are usually looking for something more than a legbreaker. I ever tell you about the Thorn Mage that wanted me to kidnap a bunch of kids from a maternity ward so he could sacrifice them? He needed the blood of the innocent and he was not going to play around
Sal actually paused and looked at Dobermann in horror.
I didnt do it Sal. I broke the guys face and wrecked as much of that damn Thorn temple as I could find. Now lets pause there for a second. Thats a GOOD thing right? I stopped a deranged baby killer from doing something horrid, and its not as if the fire from the temple could not be seen over Nerva. You think something like that would cut me SOME slack with the Heroes right?
Dobermann took his drink and swallowed the remainder in one gulp.
Hell no. First Longbow that lays eyes on me screams like a little girl and then opens fire.
Sal came closer to Dobermann and made a grab at the glass to make another Manhattan. Dobermann shook his head.
If Im gonna gulp like that Im gonna need whiskey.
Jesus D-man I never knew about that mage guy. But I heard I heard about what happened at the Blackheart maternity ward.
Thats my point Sal. I didnt DO that. I was sure I walloped that damn mage and here I see in yesterdays paper that a ton of newborns are missing. I didnt take the job, and someone else DID. Sick and yet whoever did that screwed me outta a paycheck.
I have certain LINES Sal, and yet I keep getting called a villain, where there are THINGS out there that do stuff I think would make a demon retch in disgust.
Sal sighed and shook his head.
Youre nuts Dobermann. Why do you keep looking for work from people youre obviously disgusted by?
Because theyre only half the equation Sal. Lemme tell ya about Heroes
Dobermann took the proffered glass of whiskey and took a long pull from it.
Im not a nice guy Sal.
You are to me D.
Yeah well I like you. And I like Terry, and Mal Especially Mal. But frankly a lot of folks I just do not like. Im violent, and I know it. Hell, Im not even human.
At this Sal raised an eyebrow. Dobermann shrugged.
You mean you never wondered why I could pack the hooch away and never leave drunk?
Look at my other clientele D-man. All I know is you LOOK more human than most. I never really cared what you were as long as you dont bust up the place. Sides You like good blues and thats enough for me.
Yeah but its not like DJ Zero would ever play BB King. Anyway, past that, suffice to say I was designed to be a killing machine. A covert assassin with a penchant for mass destruction. That hardly equates to a normal lifestyle. So I come here and find I can offer my talents to folks. As soon as I do however
Longbow? Sal asked.
Longbow Sanctimonious [censored]-kissers. The lot of them. Ill bet half of them slept with Miss Liberty to get their jobs.
Hey now. She does come in here to drink ya know.
Dobermann sighed and took another pull from his scotch.
Tell me Sal what is so wrong recovering funds for Johnny Sonata?
I dont think its the fact that you collect debts D-man its the way you do it.
O.K. lets put this in perspective. I break a few legs for the casino, and Im branded a villain. What do you call someone who wades into a park and starts beating on everyone he sees? What do you call someone hitting people with an axe and calling it Arresting?
Dobermann paused and then put his glass back down.
Tell me this Sal Longbow wants to take most people in alive, right?
Right.
They why do they use armor piercing rounds? Flamethrowers? Grenades? Any of those strike you as non-lethal?
I I never thought of it like that.
I hit people Sal. I hit hard. But I have never whipped out an axe and started hacking at people. And have you ever LISTENED to Longbow? Ive heard speeches at Klan rallies that are less inflammatory. My God, they are more intolerant than half the people I met in the Zig.
They do seem a bit fanatical.
Long story short, winners write the history books Sal. And as of right now Longbow is on the winning side. They think they can make the world a better place, and ya know what?
Dobermann gulped the whiskey again and continued.
We look at the empires today and want them to be paragons of justice and hope, but think carefully here. America was built by slaves over the bodies of the Indians. Irish were treated worse than African slaves and yet we never hear about it. Does Longbow defend that too? How can you not when the country was founded on it? Even if you say it was sins of the past do you see them acknowledge it? Hell half that stuff was not even in history books a few years ago.
What about religion then? If empires are bad, some Longbow say they work for a higher power. Sal broke in.
Pffft. Lets just take the Catholic Church for example. You know for a faith that is based supposedly on healing and understanding they kill a lot of people. Can we say inquisition? Dont even get me started on Islam, or Judaism. And Longbow represents that as well? Its like trying to heal someone with a chainsaw.
Dobermann finished off his whiskey and looked out at the D.
All of them profess to be good. The governments, the churches, the heroes and not a single one of them is without blood on their hands. At least I own up to the blood on mine.
And you dont revel in it like some of my other patrons. Sal added. Dobermann turned and nodded.
Exactly. Thats it exactly. Im stuck in the middle. I dont want to be some sort of blood thirsty madman, and I definitely dont want to be an intolerant bigot with only one way to salvation.
Wait how are heroes bigots?
Ask why someone became a Hellion or a Skull or an Outcast. They attack symptoms of a disease. They dont seek to cure, only to get some sort of sick thrill dressing in clothes that we have indecency laws for and beating up on people.
So what youre saying D-man is why arent the Heroes fighting world hunger and poverty?
Partially. I mean if we have men that can build robots capable of taking on a platoon of soldiers, then why havent we figured out a way to get enough food to people? There are Doctors on both sides if you will, and neither side seems willing to truly HELP people. Hell the closest is Doc Vahz and you know what hes like.
Sal nodded and shrugged.
You should see what his men drink.
Dobermann shuddered.
So here I am stuck in the middle Sal. Heroes hate me because of how I do things, when Ive seen them do things ten times worse, and I cant stand half the villains out there because to my mind, theyre all nuts.
Dobermann stood up and pushed the box of business cards towards Sal again.
Thats why I keep looking for work Sal. SANE work is hard to find.
Sal nodded and then looked hard at Dobermann.
So if you dont like the villain side, and cant stand the hero side then where are you Dobermann? Whos side are you on then?
Same side Ive been on from the moment I went out on my own Sal.
Dobermann winked and flashed his gleaming smile.
Mine.