Feedback on my Role Playing character's backstory.

Can someone please read my character's discription and backstory please? Heres a link:

http://www.creyindustries.com/viewhero.php?id=19858

or just click on my signature..

Feedback, good and bad would be nice, Thanks.

Two words for you

Wait, three words

Is copywrite one word or two? Is it Copy Write infringement, or copywrite infringement?

Hold, on, I either have two words or three words for you, we're working the details out now.

It's copywrite infringement. And CoX doesn't stand for that!

*snicker*

I'm not sure why you had to do two posts to get your point across...Im just looking for feedback on my story alright? Ill let NC Soft do the scolding.