Kashira

Citizen
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  1. [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Iam sure there are plenty of missing letters and grammar faults, if you see any be nice and comment.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Honestly, I would have to almost rewrite the whole text. I'm sure your English is better than my Russian (? I'm guessing considering the setting that your Russian), however, you're missing out a lot of stuff and adding other stuff in.

    [ QUOTE ]
    I write pretty fast so sometimes I do a miss or two, but I cant check it right now.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    My suggestions:
    1. Slow down. Look at the sentence I'm quoting there. "Sometimes I do a miss or two" isn't English.

    2. If the state of your written work concerns you (and it doesn't have to) then don't post it if you don't have time to check it.

    3. Get yourself a proof-reader to help you spot mistakes.


    I hope this doesn't come over too negative, but you did ask for criticism specifically about your English, not the story.

    Welcome to Creative.

    [/ QUOTE ]


    Thanks for the comment.

    To clear one funny misunderstanding, iam Swedish.

    I choosed Russia because of the Tunguska event.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_event

    The Tunguska event was the pod crashing on Earth (in the story).

    I dont know anyone who can correct my texts, so I dont know anyone who can act the proof-reader.

    Its not like I go crazy if there are one or two faults, just that if someone see something that bug them they can tell me so I can fix it, and try to remember til next time.

    Im not taking critique the negative way, by taking in critique I can learn.

    I guess ill read the text later, without stress, and try to correct the faults I find.

    Oh, and thanks, nice to meet ya
  2. Iam sure there are plenty of missing letters and grammar faults, if you see any be nice and comment.

    I write pretty fast so sometimes I do a miss or two, but I cant check it right now.
  3. Chapter 1 - First encounter.


    "I wont ask again!"
    "What are you, armed and armored soldiers of the spider faction, doing here" the russian interogater asked Amanda.

    They have been moved to different cells after being arrested for interogation.

    "We are on a vacation" Amanda said.
    "In the tundra with guns, battle armors and a laserweapon that can cut through steel?" he asked angry.
    "Yes, we know how to have fun"

    The russian interogator rambled something.

    "Stop mumbling, you already look like an nazi in that outfit" Amanda said.
    "How dare you, how can you say such things tied on chair" he said angry.
    "I dont care what you do, you can shoot me now if you want to" Amanda said smiling.

    The interogator pressed on the fingerprint sensitive button to unlock his holster and grabbed his gun.

    "I guess this is goodbye then" he said.

    "Yes it is" Amanda answered.

    Amanda rose from the chair she had untied herself from and took the gun from the stunned interogator.

    "Oh, right, I forgot iam an fortunata, stunning moves comes with the package" she said.
    "I couldnt do anything before, I mean, I couldnt take your gun since it was inside of that nice holster".

    "You are right, this is our goodbye"

    A faint gunshot echoed through the corridors of the military complex.



    Sneaking was and have always been what Arachnos have been good in.
    It came with the package of Arachnos education.

    Amanda silently moved through the corridors looking for her teammates.

    She found Terrence...sleeping in the interogation chair.

    Amanda unlocked the door and slapped life in Terrence.

    "What? when? where? mom?" Terrence said randomly.
    "Come on" Amanda said after that she quickly had untied the ropes.

    Terrence followed her without any questions.

    After that they both been sneaking around they found both Tarkev and Summers cells located right next to each other.

    "You'll take Summers and ill take Tarkev" Amanda said and they unlocked one door each.

    Amanda released Tarkev and moved to Summers cell, fiding Terrence fingering on Summers ropes.

    "What take you so long?" Amanda asked annoyed and stressed.
    "Im trying, but these knots seem to been have made by a three year old kid" Terrence said.
    "Let me try" Amanda said.

    Amanda try to untie Summers but even she have a hard time with the knots.

    "Your right, these seem to been made by a three year old..."

    Amanda crushed the glass of a whiskey bottle lying on the floor and used a large shard to cut the ropes.

    "Lets go!" Amanda said and quickly took the lead.

    "Thanks for saving us" Summers said.

    "Arachnos still needs you, no come on" Amanda said.
    "Lets find Carlos and Robert"

    They found Carlos and Operative Robert Glockner in the control room.

    Carlos were holding a guy in the air while Glockner tried to pick a lock to a large cabinet.

    "There you are, I was starting to worry that you couldnt untie yourself from the easy knots" Carlos said.

    Carlos threw the guy he was holding into a open cabinet of the same kind Glockner tried to pick and closed it.

    "I got good and bad news for ya" Carlos said happily.
    "The good news are...I know where the object is and found our weapons, they are inside of the cabinet Glockner try to pick"
    "And the bad news are...?" Amanda asked carefully.
    "Hammer and Sickle, a hero duo, are in the base and they are probably on their way to the object" Carlos said, this time more serious.

    "Its opened now, take your gear" Glockner said and opened the cabinet revealing the Arachnos headwear and weapons.

    "My mace, ive been missing you, hope they didnt do anything bad towards you" Terrence said hugging and talking to it like a baby.

    "That guy is sick" Summers said and Tarkev laughed.

    "All suited up?" Carlos asked.
    "Then lets move!" he said quickly without waiting for an answer.

    The Arachnos team moved quickly but silent through the corridors until they came to an reinforced blastdoor.

    "Tarkev, roll out the red carpet for us" Carlos said.

    Tarkev took his laser and start to cut a hole in the door.


    Russian guards started to show up.
    "In the name of the motherland, STOP!"

    The Arachnos team answer with firing their weapons.

    "Spray and pray, the american way" Terrence said cocky.

    "Tarkev, status?!" Carlos asked.
    "Im doing it as fast as I can, its a reinforced blastdoor after all" Tarkev answered stressed.

    The guards couldnt do anything for now without being hit, but the ammo wont last for long.

    "Tarkev?!" Carlos asked out loud.
    "Im done, help me push it" he said and start pushing.

    Glockner joined in and togheter they pushed the heavy piece of the blastdoor out of the way.

    "Go inside, NOW!" Carlos ordered.

    Everyone started to move to through the hole and found themself in an warehouse-like laboratory.

    There were stuff everywhere, and boxes.

    But there was one thing that catched the eyes of everyone.

    Leaning toward a wall and connected to several devices there was a huge black pod, and across it were yellow-green powerstripes, pulsing faintly.
    The pod was made out of a strange materia, it looked like steel, but black.


    "Wow Summers, you were right after all" Carlos said.
    "Of course I was" Summers said proudly.
    "Hold on a second" Amanda said.
    "What?" Carlos asked.
    "It doesnt look like Rikti tech, and I do not sense any Rikti presence" Amanda said.
    "Well, its clearly not from earth" Summers said.
    "Iam confused, its not from Earth and its not Rikti" Carlos said confused.
    "There are more alien races than the Rikti, must I say Kheldians?" Amanda said.

    They could hear a loud russian voice talking in the corridor.
    "Comrades, do not fear anything anymore, for I, Hammer, are here to fight by your side" the voice said.

    Terrence looked outside and he could see a large man in a red costume with a russian ushanka hat and a yellow hammer symbol on his chest running toward the door sized hole made by Tarkevs laser.

    Operative Terrence hid behind the door and when Hammer arrived through the door Terrence hit him in the stomach with his mace, Hammer bend togheter and loudly said several things on russian, definitely nothing nice.

    "Oh my god" Amanda said like she's going to cry.
    "What?" Terrence asked confused.
    "Now we are going to hear you brag even more about your mace when we come back!" Amanda said.

    It was followed by long sigh from everyone in the Arachnos team, but it was followed by a laugher and gratulations.

    "Congratulations my son, you've made me proud" Carlos said.
    "Im not your son" Terrence said.
    "Well...im not your father, so we call it even" Carlos said.

    "Guys, pod, rendezvous?" Glockner said irritated.
    "I think we can use that transport veichle over there, its probably that thing that was used to move all that stuff in here"

    "Nice, then start it, Glockner" Carlos said.

    Glockner ran over to the large truck with caterpillar tracks and start it up while Terrence and Summers started to remove the devices connected to the pod.

    Amanda coordinated the work while Tarkev and Carlos held away the russian guards.

    "Glockner, hurry, Sickle may appear soon and she may not be so happy about Hammers condition" Carlos yelled.
    "Im done with the truck, im working with the blastdoors now" Glockner yelled back.

    An alarm sounded and the blastdoors start to move with a loud sound.

    "Summers, Terrence, are you done?" Carlos yelled at the two wolf spiders that struggled with the large pod.
    "Its too heavy, we cant push it" Summers said.

    "Wait a second..." Glockner yelled from the truck and the trucks large crane started to move.

    There was a large claw attached to the crane, Glockner directed it toward the pod.
    Glockner managed to grip the pod with the claw and moved it onto the truck.

    "Blastdoors opened, pod aboard, truck engines running, GET ABOARD NOW!!!" Glockner yelled loudly.

    Carlos took a seat in the cockpit beside Glockner while the rest gathered at the pod.

    "To the sherwood forest!" Terrence shouted happily before Amanda hit him in the head.

    The large truck started to moved as Sickle arrived togheter with reinforcements.

    The Arachnos soldiers just waved goodbye as the guards opened fire and Sickle slapped life in Hammer.



    After more than an hour of driving in the siberian tundra they reached the rendezvous point.

    The truck stopped and Carlos exit.

    "Its no one here" Carlos said silently.

    Amanda, Summers and Tarkev had jumped down from the cargohold and joined Carlos as he searched the area with his eyes.

    "Maybe they got tired of waiting and left" Amanda said.

    "No...it cant be" Carlos said.

    They could hear engines from far away, loud engines and many, and they could see units moving towards them.

    "Its the russians" Summers said.
    "Thats it...we are dead" Terrence said, he sound desperate.

    Everyone was looking at their impending doom when Carlos turned around and saw a man in a black armored suit.

    Half his face was hidden behind a green visor and there was yellow-green stripes on his armor that seem to be connected with a powercore at his stomach.

    He was in the size of a normal human, but the little you saw of his face showed that his skin was pale, white actually.



    "Eh...guys" Carlos said silently.

    When the rest of the Arachnos soldiers saw the man they ready their weapons.

    "Wait, lower your weapons, his not our enemy" Amanda said.

    Everyone trusted Amanda and they lower their rifles, guns and mace.

    "Wise decision" the man said.

    More of the mysterious warriors emerge from seemingly nowhere.

    "We are here to pick up your team and the pod" he said, from the way he talk he seem to be their leader.
    "Its on the truck, you may want to hurry since the russians are on their way" Carlos said.
    "You mean the captors, they wont be a problem" the mysterious warrior said.
    "They are close now, they will get here in just some minutes" Glockner said from the truck.

    "Kei'irat, show our guests to to Taenel'kaiva" the warrior said to one of the female warriors.

    "Follow me" she said, then she turned around and led the Arachnos soldiers toward a ravine, Glockner came running after them.

    Inside the ravine a large ship hovered, it was long and very slender.
    The material of the ship was the same as the pod and there were large powerstripes running from one side of the ship to another.

    "Oh my...you have no idea how perfect calculations thats needed to land a ship like this" Glockner said impressed.

    The girl, Kei'irat, led them to a round plattform, and when all had gathered she activated the plattform and they were all teleported to a large room.

    The room was big and round, the yellow-green energy stripes glowed much more intensive in this room.

    "Dude, this is NOT human, and its NOT from earth" Terrence said shocked.
    "No [censored]..." Summers said and pushed Terrence with his shoulder.

    "Come with me" Kei'irat said.

    The Arachnos soldiers silently followed her.

    After some walking they found themself in a another large, round room.

    But this time there were about ten aliens sitting in chairs with headsets and mumbling some alien language.
    In the middle of the room there was a large chair hovering about two meters above ground, surrounded by holographic screen.

    The chair descended and the holographic screens disappeared, a man that seem to be very young rose from the chair and turned toward the Arachnos team.

    He had a short spiky hair with a braid and his eyes were hidden behind a rectangular visor.

    "Welcome, to Taenel'kaiva!" he said.
    "That must be the ships name" Glockner whispered.
    "No kidding..." Carlos said ironic.

    "Captain, all Karaks are aboard and markers have been attached to the pod, we can take off" an artifical voice said.

    "What was that?" Amanda asked while looking around.
    "I bet some kind of artifical intelligence" Glockner answered.

    "Take off" the captain commanded and they could see through the windows in front of the ship it started to descend.

    "Wait, wait" Carlos said.
    "What?" the captain asked.

    "Arent you afraid of the russians will see you, sending their full airforce at you?" Carlos asked.

    "Dont worry, we have what you call invisiblity, and even if every fightercraft on earth attacked us we would take em on" the captain answered confidently.

    The ship hovered above the truck, they could only guess that it teleported the pod onto the ship.

    The ship started to ascend and they started to move away from their current location.

    "We will arrive at what you call rogue isles in about twenty minutes" the captain said and returned to his chair.
    "Ill see ya when we are there" the captain said before the holo-screens appeared and the chair returned to hovering some meters above ground.

    The Arachnos soldiers left the bridge and started to look around, this may be their only time riding a taxi like this.




    Next part...Chapter 2 - Alliance!
  4. Prologue.




    An inflatable boat travel the cold podkamennaya tunguska river in krasnoyarsk krai, Russia.

    Aboard there are four Arachnos wolf spiders and their leaders, an huntsman and fortunata.


    "...so I told him to [censored] off, and sure, he got [censored] off and charged at me, and I just took my mace and hit him in the stomach!" one of the wolf spiders said.
    "Shut up, we dont want to hear it" an another wolf spider said.
    "We've heard you talking bout how amazing your mace is ever since you got it..." a third said.
    "Operative Terrence, if I hear you speak about your mace even once more during this mission I promise you will regret it" the fortunata said, revealing the name of the wolf spider.
    "Aye, madame" Operative Terrence said.

    "Listen up!" the huntsman wanted the attention of the team.
    "We are here to recover an object for Arachnos and then to rendezvous with some secret guy in the cold tundra"
    "We dont know much about the object, its located inside a top-secret military base close to here"
    "I dont know how they got hold of the base since its top-secret, but our boss, Lord Recluse, doesnt like questions as you know"
    "We will be moving ashore soon and from there we will go to the coordinates of the base, we gonna cut ourselves a nice door with the laser we have with us"

    After some minutes the huntsman stop the boat at land.

    "Do you guys think we gonna meet heavy resistance?" one of the wolf spiders carefully asked.
    "We sure will, but my mace will take care of that!" Operative Terrence said happily playing with his mace.

    The fortunata kicked Operative Terrence from the inflatable boat and sent him screaming down in the cold water of the podkamennaya tunguska river.

    "Dont tell me I didnt warn you!" the fortunata said loud and annoyed.

    Operative Terrence crawled up from the water, cold to the bone.

    "This is fun!" an another wolf spider said laughing.
    "Shut up, Operative Tarkev" the fortunata said to the laughing wolf spider.
    "Amanda, dont be so rude to the kids" the huntsman said to the fortunata.
    "I cant help it, all Terrence talk about is his mace"

    "Ok, back to the mission, please, this start to feel like kindergarden" the huntsman said annoyed.

    The huntsman start reading his map.

    "We should go...there" the huntsman took the lead and start moving northwest of their location.
    "Tarkev, you take the laser" he ordered.
    "Yes sir" Tarkev answered and went for the box with the cutting device.

    They've been walking for half an hour in the snowy and cold surrounding when Operative Terrence open his mouth.

    "So what do you think it is?" he asked the rest of the team.
    "I guess its a superweapon, maybe a nuke" Tarkev said.
    "Why, just because its in a Russian military complex?" Amanda said.
    "Yea...why not?"
    "They are russians after all!" Tarkev said.
    "Your name sound russian, arent you an russian?" Terrence asked Tarkev.
    "I dont know, ive been living in the states since I was a kid, and my parents were also born in the states" Tarkev said.
    "His probably an russian spy with a nuke in his apartment!" the huntsman said while laughing.
    "What do you guys think" Terrence asked the two very silent wolf spiders.
    "About Tarkev as an spy?" one of them said.
    "No...what you think we are sent to recover?" Terrence said.
    "Maybe we are going to get some alien Rikti tech that have crashed here" the other wolf spider said.
    "Operative Summers, im not believing that Arachnos would send us to recover Rikti tech from a Russian military complex somewhere out in the siberian tundra" the huntsman said.
    "What do you think it is then?" Summers asked the huntsman.
    "I have no idea why Arachnos would send us far away from rogue isles without any possible reinforcements" the huntsman said.
    "Oh poor Carlos" Amanda said ironic to the huntsman.
    "Amanda, you know as well as me that if one of use mess up the others will pay" Huntsman Carlos said seriously.
    "What do you think, some more crazy ideas?" Terrence asked.
    "I hope its food" the last wolf spider said.
    "O...k, Amanda you have any idea?" Terrence asked the fortunata.
    "I dont know, I dont care, I just want to go back to the warm Arachnos base" she said.
    "Terrence, dont think you will get away" huntsman Carlos said.
    "Tell us what you think" he said.
    "I believe its a very powerful weapon that Lord Recluse want to secure Arachnos position in the food chain" Terrence said.
    "I have an idea" the unnamned wolf spider said.
    "Lets hear it" Carlos said.
    "Lets bet about it, the winner get five bucks from everyone"
    "Im in" Terrence said qucikly.
    "Me too" Tarkev said.
    "Count me in" Summers joined in.
    "Dont count in me and Amanda, we didnt say anything" Carlos said.
    "Sure thing" the wolf spider said.

    "Stop, we are here!" Carlos said.
    "But its just plain tundra" Terrence said.
    "Its probably underground" Amanda said.
    "Besserwisser..." Carlos said annoyed.
    "What does that even mean" Tarkev asked.

    "Sssch" Carlos ordered.
    "I got a bad feeling about this"

    "You just had to say that?" Terrence said tired.

    "Seriously, there's something wrong with this place" Carlos said.
    "Yes...WE ARE HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!" Amanda said out loud.

    Just when she finished her sentence two turrets moved up from a pile of snow and a man with strong russian accent told them to not move.

    An hatch opened up before them and soldiers with heavy armor and rifles came to arrest them.



    Next part, Chapter 1 - First encounter!
  5. Introduction

    Hi all...we've...never met before.

    Iam an artist, I have created my own story with my own characters in my own fictional world.

    This story I call Infinite Saga since its an unending Saga.

    Since I love making backgrounds to all my characters I had to work on an "excuse" to why my characters pop up in City of Heroes/Villains.

    The solution was to make an Infinite Saga X, a crossover with my universe.

    The crossover with CoH take place in an alternative universe.

    The story you'll read here is called Alliance, its about how Shash'orash, one of my races, make contact with Arachnos.

    This explain how Shash'orash got involved in CoV.

    There will come an another story for CoH called "Salvation" that will tell how Seraphim, an another of my many races, got involved in CoH.

    So...basically, Shash'orash allie with Arachnos and Seraphim allie with Longbow.

    For more about Infinite Saga I welcome you to my Deviantart page where other stories (mostly background stories) can be found.

    http://tindomeril.deviantart.com/

    Infinite Saga and anything belonging to it is mine and mine only creations, I dont accept it being used without my permission.

    City of Heroes/City of Villains belong to NCsoft.

    (Have to make this avoid...problems)


    Read on and keep rocking!
  6. I, as a CoV and NC lover, want to buy the collectors edition of CoV.

    This wouldnt hurt much since I bought CoV digitally, I have no CD that could decor my collection of games.


    But there are one thing that hinder me from order it and thats if I can upgrade my existing account with the collectors edition to get the in-game stuff.

    Can I or can I not add the ingame content to my existing account?

    I would appreciate an answer so I can decide.

    Thanks in andvance