Samuel_Tow

Chapter 3: Faith

I must admit, that surprised me, and that intrigued me. Judging by my story, you would think, and rightly so, that I had been watching Rikimaru all throughout his life. I can understand that assumption, but please understand that there are many things which hold my interest at any one time, of which Rikimaru was only one item, and a very uninteresting one, at that. Among my other observations, I had returned to catch glimpses of him from time to time. It is perhaps because of this noncommittal nature of my observation that I had not anticipated the importance that human would play in my grand objective, had not predicted the profound change his mind and body would undergo once he let go of his world. In retrospect, I am ashamed to admit that it was obvious. The signs were all there, but I had neither the patience to see them nor the time to read them. Which is amusing from my standpoint.

And as you may have inferred, it is then that Rikimaru became truly interesting to me. I had left him for some time, pursuing events taking place elsewhere in the cosmos. When I returned, I expected to find him a rabid ghoul, hunting for whatever living energy made its way to the sink hole that is the Netherworld, mad like the rest of the shadows that dwell in that hell. What I found, however, was a thinking, cunning, planning creature both confident and collected, not merely surviving moment for moment, but biding its time and planning a higher agenda. Not at all the savage I had expected to find, but I can see how Rikimaru’s cunning, the same cunning that had brought him power and success in life, had saved him from the void even then.

I found a man who had reflected on his life, realised his mistakes and understood the folly that had brought him into damnation. He had not given up, oh, no. Reflecting on the errors of his ways, he had learned, and he had evolved. Understanding the fleeting nature of finite life and the uselessness of fighting an unwinnable battle to preserve it, Rikimaru had hatched a new scheme. Spending time, as he did, surrounded by creatures practically immortal, he had decided to become one of them, at least in body if not in mind. And he had a diabolically clever way to do this. Abusing the very nature of the environment of the Netherworld, Rikimaru learned to siphon the negative energy from my former brethren and store it within himself, using it to slowly but surely change his body into that of a spectre. Being what they are, the denizens of the Netherworld could not die, and would simply reform given enough time, but that takes away nothing from the brilliance and audacity of his endeavour.

In this creature that was no longer human, I began to see myself, all those aeons ago. He had found power enough to affect the course of history, to return to his original home and rule with the shadows of the Netherworld. Just as I once sought a purpose to my existence by meddling in the affairs of others, so he had made for himself a purpose to return to his world and rule. In practice, this would be little different than the Rikimaru I had seen before his folly, but in spirit, it was an altogether different being, indeed. No longer blindly stumbling through existence driven by hunger, fear and pain, no longer acting without even thinking to ask a reason, this former human had truly become a self-made man, to borrow an expression.

Intriguing as that may have been, and believe me, it was, it was still not very useful to me, but the potential for an interesting turn of events was there. Rikimaru was at a stage of sentience that I was all too familiar with and had gone through an eternity ago. And while it was as useful as always to see how another creature would approach the problems I feel I had addressed in the best manner possible, this former human was hardly the only subject to observe. But it is humans in general that provided me with my next source of fascination. Ah, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Rikimaru escaped from the Netherworld. I’d like to say it was a glorious battle which he won with amazing power and great cunning, but the truth is much more mundane than that. His idea was clever, I’ll give him that much, but his execution was pedestrian, and that’s being generous. He simply knew how to protect himself from my spectral brethren and knew how to siphon their power in safety. When he had enough power, and that was the clever bit, he used it all to force a tear in the fabric of reality and open a wormhole back to the world of the living on Earth. I wouldn’t go as far as to call it ingenious, but it was intelligent enough, let’s put it like this.

What amazed me, however, was the realization that the cult he had made nearly 500 years before he returned was still active and people still believed in him, though, unsurprisingly, their numbers and influence had dwindled without their praised leader. But still, here were these fools – and I despise using this word so believe me that I mean it – who still worshipped their “Black Wind” and prophesised his return. I call them fools, because the fact that this terribly vague prophecy even had an inkling of chance of coming true had nothing to do with destiny, as they preached, and all to do with dumb luck. A crude turn of phrase, I agree, but an accurate description of the sophistication of this “Cult of the Black Wind.” And it infuriates me to know that Rikimaru’s return to Earth vindicated those... Those idiots, rewarding their blind faith and leading them to believe that they were right all along. I have seen the strands of fate and destiny, and I can assure you, they are neither as immutable nor as predictable as small minds would like to believe. Though others may claim it to be fait, I know the truth, and it was nothing more than a coincidence.

That is what infuriates me about humans so much. They have the closest to free will of just about any creature I have come across, the closest to true sentience, yet they choose... Balderdash like this “prophecy” in place of rational thought. They trade intelligence for unjustified belief, for faith, ignoring clear evidence when they disprove and latching on to bogus coincidences when they prove. I have no idea, please believe me, no idea why that is. It is difficult to question what is presented to you to be true, obviously, but isn’t that the very reason they were given intelligence in the first place? To question and understand? Instead they sit on it, forgive me for saying it, and resort to nonsense that “feels good,” they say. Well, of course it does! When you pick your beliefs based on nothing more than what you want to be true, how can it not feel good? You are trading reality for a delusion. Come to think of it, “delusion” is a very good identifier for this... This madness.

Ah, but I cannot lose myself in this idle drivel. It is unbefitting, and very likely a weakness of mine that I should have to address at some point. More importantly, the Cult of the Black Wind, as Rikimaru had renamed his congregation when he assumed the mantle of the Black Wind shortly before his unfortunate doom, were still active and still awaiting their master’s return. They prophesised that the Black Wind will return, reborn with the stolen power of the devils themselves, and lead the world into a new dark age where only those who are truly loyal to him would be spared. Can you see how vague that is? Of course, returning to life amid this myth already written for him, is it any surprise that Rikimaru simply confirmed his followers’ delusions, re-interpreting its vagueness, spreading still more rumour or even openly lying through his teeth? After all, who would know? Or, more appropriately, who would care? Even in his previous life, this former human was clever, and his cunning had only increased during his time of commune with the feral spectres of the Netherworld. He knew how to move those gullible fools about like pieces on a game board, and they ate up every lie he fed them like it was the meaning of life, itself.

Disappointingly, the meaning of life was, perhaps, the only thing Rikimaru did not come up with a good answer to. That he was never asked, perhaps, has a lot to do with why that was, but by far the biggest reason was that he himself had not, did not and still has not, asked or truly cared. He found one purpose for himself, but how meaningful was it? From the standpoint of someone familiar only with finite time, one who could not see far enough ahead into the future to plan for its eventual success or failure and plan for that, it is little wonder he had no actual plans for what he would do after he “ruled the world.” To his mind, that prospect in itself was so unimaginable and attaining it would take so long, that it made no sense to worry about it. More importantly, once the world was his, he would have all the time in the world, if you’ll pardon the expression, to decide what to do with it.

If only Rikimaru understood that time has no end, and that time offers no answers, but the opportunities to find them, ourselves. He lived with the belief that, when the time comes, an answer would present itself, but I knew better. That is just not how these things work. If he has indeed achieved true immortality, and he has not live anywhere near long enough for that theory of his to be put to the test, then he would eventually find himself growing distant from his world, bored with ruling it and tired of find time to think about what to do with it, amid the many grating responsibilities of keeping it from falling apart and flying out of his control.

Frankly, I’m curious to see that happen, but I don’t believe it will be the case. Though I was amazed at his transformation in the Netherworld, upon his return, that amazement has failed as I watch Rikimaru slip back into his old ways of unthinking stupidity. Back then, I saw him contemplate his place in the world and come up with real, meaningful answers, even if they were wrong. Now, the more I watch him, the more I see him once again surrender himself to fate. As his followers believe in him and worship him as a god, so he believes in the certainty of his ultimate success, both blinded by his easy victory over the mindless wraiths of the Netherworld and the overwhelming weight of responsibility that true choice imparts. He has surrendered himself to his faith in eventual success and now only thinks about what to do next, never bothering to wonder why, to wonder if this is what he should be doing. The sentience he once had is slowly fading away as he allows an old decision to guide him still without ever bothering to even consider if it may not be incorrect.

It is a sadly disappointing story, which is a trait my experience with humans is irritatingly prone to. So much potential, so much hope for an interesting development, only to be crushed by their unbelievable reluctance to actually think, time and time again. But one good thing has come off this trail of lost opportunities, and that is that it has brought my attention to another story, one that I would have completely missed, nor truly understood even if I had seen it, had it not been for my following of Rikimaru’s tale of broken promises. And where the life of the Black Wind has been only just barely interesting, this new tale it has shown me is nothing short of incredible.

Chapter 2: Fear

Humans are a very peculiar bunch, take it from someone who’s seen it all. I have observed existence since its creation, and of all the creatures I have ever seen, humans possess some of the strongest forces of will I have had the good fortune to observe, yet at the same time their infuriatingly consistent tendency to simply not use that force of will has brought me no end of disappointment. When I discovered their fledgling race many thousands of years ago, it filled me with hope such that you wouldn’t understand. Here were creatures that not just faced the possibility, but actually had the ability to transcend the meaningless chaos of their random existence, to fight against their destiny insignificance and carve themselves a meaning out of this world they were given. I watched with anticipation, watched and waited. But such a revelation never came.

It is with a heavy heart that I was forced to admit, and let me admit it to you now: humans waste immeasurable potential. Where they could have achieved true sentience, found a meaningful purpose in their existence, they instead chose to surrender their will to others. In fate they trusted. In others, in their leaders, in their history, in their desires. They chose to live a life for no reason other than because that did not require them to think, did not require them to question their world or their place in it. Exercising will, it would seem, is an arduous process, one laden obstacles and difficulty. It is always much easier to simply not think about it, to let events take what course they will and then claim inability to change it. Humans had, and indeed still have, the potential for greatness. And yet every time they choose a pleasant illusion over that fight. I used to hold them in much higher regard, back before I realised it was not the will to act, but committing to the act itself that truly mattered. And humans, disappointingly, never choose to act.

But I am rambling again. Forgive me for my side step, for I have a story to tell. I mentioned a massive collision of events, and one side of it starts here on Earth. For even though humans as a whole have disappointed me, there have been a number of very marked exceptions to this. Granted, where this side of the story begins is not with such an exception, and is indeed with the very reason of my disappointment. Nevertheless, importance must be given to even the smallest detail, for every big thing is a collection of small ones, all equally important and all equally worth mentioning.

This story begins around 500 years into Earth’s past. Exact times and dates, while they are important, are not particularly interesting, so I trust I will be forgiven if I do not bog down your interest with boring statistics. Suffice it to say that it was a time of unrest and violence, a period where happiness was often more of a distant dream than an actual reality. In this turbulent time, a man underwent an all too common change. He was a Buddhist priest by the name of Rikimaru, a philosopher, of sorts. In these times of suffering, his teachings offered a better world, one of peace, tranquillity and happiness. He offered people that which they all want most of all, but never realise they are missing – a purpose. He took in people living a harsh, fragile life who never saw a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. People pressed by events such that their existence had become truly and obviously meaningless, to the point where they welcomed death when it swooped down to take them.

These people had lost all hope, and this priest offered it. Hope, purpose, and above all – faith. This in itself is the source of my greatest disappointment. “It’s better to believe in something, even if it’s wrong, than to believe in nothing at all.” I have heard this so many times it disgusts me. When presented with a choice, humans will always choose the pretty illusion, often even knowingly, and vehemently deny the obvious. They choose run from their world, rather than face it and make their own destiny. They hide like cowards, refusing to look at their world for what it is, refusing to accept truths they know to be valid. And when reality finally comes to claim them, they blame fate for it, believing that there was nothing they could have done. They choose the easy path and deny their responsibility for the consequences it brings them. At times I feel that they do not deserve the sentience that they have been given, that they should have remained as mindless animals scraping by to survive. For even with this intelligence that they have been gifted, animal survival is all they are capable of still.

It is this facet of human nature that Rikimaru exploited when he formed his congregation, and believe me when I say that I use the word “exploited” quite appropriately, for this priest’s intentions were by far not benevolent. He preached peace and tranquilly, advised people to let go of the physical, but he was all too eager to take their physical possessions from them and use them for himself in ways not at all compatible with peace and tranquillity. A liar and a fraud, Rikimaru fed on people’s pain and desperation to feed his own greed and fun his own vicious lifestyle. But this is far from the worst of his sins, believe me. For at least in his prime, this false messiah still looked after his flock, even though he used them. But when old age finally began reclaiming his body, then madness truly overcame his soul.

It is ironic how sellers of false faith eventually begin buying their own goods. Rikimaru sold a vision of paradise, but when his own world started crumbling around him, he sought that paradise, himself. Like a feral beast, he clung onto his flesh even though he did not understand why he did so. It was no higher ideal, no purpose still left unfinished that drove him but the same simple, primordial fear of death that defines life anywhere it exists. Life in this universe has no purpose but to preserve itself until it can be sustained no longer, just like a fire will burn until it consumes all its fuel. A flame cannot be convinced that there is no reason for it to burn, and just in the same way, life cannot be convinced that there is no reason for it to live on. Life cannot be convinced, for life doesn’t think. It lives. And in that simple concept lies the very essence of the problem – thinking life does not think. The very definition of intelligence, the very thing that makes living creatures living, is something they ignore all too often. So, so very sad.

Like any unthinking creature, Rikimaru clung to life and sought ways to extend his own and halt the decay of his body. He tried medicine, he tried training, he even tried magic. Nothing would produce lasting results, until he hit upon one of the universe’s dirty little secrets. In his research into souls and spirits, Rikimaru accidentally contacted the Netherworld.

I have seen creatures come into contact with this accursed place before, and I know exactly how these things end. But allow me to explain what it is, so that you may understand the full gravity of the situation put before you. This universe is comprised of infinite space extending forever in every direction. But even in one set subsection of space, still an infinite amount of matter exists. This is because a multitude of worlds exist right on top of each other, occupying the same location in time and space, and yet still completely separated from each other, invisible to all their denizens but those with the power to see across worlds. Whether it is fortune or misfortune, I have been given this sight.

The Netherworld is a cold, dead place, filled with nothing but infinite darkness and the feral shadows of the creatures that have come before. This is the place where I, myself, first existed, as that is where the shadows of my creators ended up when they left. It is a world populated by feral spectres, sentient enough to act intelligently, but by no means sentient enough to understand concepts such as right and wrong. They exist to feed on energy. Their world is a sink for everything that ventures in it. Heat, light, gravity and, yes, even life. They know not why they feed, only that hunger brings pain and sustenance brings relief. Blinded by their avarice, they live unaware of what they are, always preoccupied with the desire to consume.

I was once among them, mad, hungry and unthinking. But after aeons of this insanity, I finally realised the futility of this existence, the pointlessness of this endless cycle of feeding and hunger. I realised that if this is what life is, then it is not worth living, for this endless nightmare will never end. The chain of madness will never break.

I would have interfered to stop Rikimaru had I believed him stupid enough to bargain with the spectres of the Netherworld, but by the time I realised the extent of his compulsion, it was already too late. He offered the spectres the lives of his followers to do with as they pleased, but in exchanged asked for half of their life force back. The starving spectres accepted his deal and greedily swallowed up his sacrifices. In return, Rikimaru’s body strengthened, his mind cleared, and he gained access to true mystical power such that had been banned from his world for thousands of years since the followers of Lughebu had been banished from the realm of the living.

Rikimaru gained great power, but like any mindless animal knew not what to do with it. “Power is meant to be used,” many said, and so he believed, and so he did. He formed a new cult, one based around the total domination of his world, and he garnered many followers eager for the spoils of war this would bring them. Mankind, again, surrendered its will in the hands of another once again, and once again their leader had himself surrendered his will to his basic urges. Life is so very predictable after you’ve looked at it long enough. There are only two things most creatures desire out of their existence – to live and to feed. In that order. Rikimaru found a way to achieve both. He could live forever, and he could feed on the resources of his entire world. There was no higher goal in the mind of this self-professed teacher of the people. There was no meaning in his life but to live on another day and wrest another victory.

I would have liked nothing better than to let him live forever, to let him realise the emptiness of his pursuit, the fleeting existence of all the trinkets he so greedily collected. I would have liked nothing better than for him to feel the same pain I had felt, because it would have befitted his arrogance and foolishness. But his kind did not have the same overview of history as I did. Rather than allow him to learn his lesson, they opted to stop him. I cannot say I blame them – it was their lives he meant to take, and the living do not give up on life quite so easily.

Rikimaru’s human and aggressive power plays turned all but his most devout followers against him. But he had tasted of the lie that was eternal life, he had traded wisdom for arrogance, so he opposed his entire world. His hunger had robbed him of any semblance of perspective and purpose. Like a rabid beast, he clawed at his world and clenched, biting off chunk after chunk even though his actual hunger had long since been sated. I knew as soon as I saw it how this would unfold. The sad tragedy of this man has played out across the cosmos many, many times. His case was no different. Rikimaru opposed his world, and his world retaliated. He lost everything, but as a last resort, he saved his life.

By travelling to the Netherworld himself, Rikimaru escaped the wrath of the people he had harmed. Like a cornered animal, he resorted to harming himself before he would allow others to harm him. In his mind, he had nothing to lose. But as I knew too well, he was wrong. Describing the Netherworld as a world of the dead does not do it justice. It is a world of nothing, an empty void that seeks to rip anything and everything apart with aggressive malice. Rikimaru, in essence, sacrificed himself. He survived, however, largely thanks to the incredible amount of negative energy he had amassed within himself, which protected him, sustaining his life as it had back in the world of the living. He survived...

Chapter 1: Contemplation

Life… It’s such a… Strange concept. I’ve spent so, so much time looking at it, and I could never understand. Why? Why does life exist? What is its purpose, but to perpetuate its own existence? Intelligent creatures cherish it, their utmost important possession. Their lives… Their existence. But one has to wonder… Are they, any of them, truly, really alive? “I think, therefore I am?” But am I? How is my thought different from the fire that burns besides me, from the stars that shine above me, from the gravity that pulls beneath me? How is my thinking, my fighting to preserve myself any different from any natural phenomenon that self-sustains just because that is what physics dictate it should do? There is no point, no purpose to this sentient intelligence, for in the end, it all comes down to basic survival. Creatures spawn, survive, procreate and die, a never-ending process with no ultimate objective, no goal to strive for, but for this meaningless cycle of life, death and rebirth. Creatures live their pointless, meaningless lives, blind and unaware, throwing their energies towards the goal of procreation, never really knowing why they do. Like morsels into the maw of a ravenous beast, they fling themselves at the universe and get swallowed whole by the winds of time. Like bubbles in the water, they pop into existence, float through their lives without meaning and pop out of existence when they reach the surface.

All creatures, great and small, are flung into this universe without rhyme or reasons, as if dumped here like the garbage of a higher existence. Why are they here? No-one knows and, sad as it may be, no-one really cares. Life is created as if at random and given, as if on a whim, to creatures then left to fend for themselves in an unfamiliar world. True, some have the guidance of others, their help and teachings, a legacy to give them the illusion of a meaning. But that is all it ever is – an illusion. A pretty idea that serves nothing more than to fool life into believing it has a point, to goad creatures into struggling to survive by making them believe they want to. Many have claimed to seek a purpose. The meaning of life, they say, but it is not meaning they look for, but an excuse. An excuse to sustain this pathetic, meaningless existence that they have been bound to against their will. No creature chooses to be born. No life chooses to be created. They merely are. Why? It is up to them to decide.

It is sad to say that I have seen more life than I care to mention, and to say that most life lives an illusion. Most creatures do not realise this. They both cannot and will not, for to admit your existence has no meaning is to give up. Wanting to end it is not an uncommon concept, and all too often for the same reason – why go on? Why keep struggling, why keep fighting to exist? Why bother, when ceasing to exist is so very easy. Why bother indeed... Herein lies both my greatest question and my greatest dilemma.

Ah, but I am rambling. You have to forgive an old fool with entirely too much time on his hands and entirely too little to do with it but spin cryptic tales. I am sure my contemplations will mean little to you. You are, after all, still living, which means your existence still holds some meaning to you, however hollow it may be. But allow me to give you a bit of context.

I am not like you. I was not born into this word. I have always existed since the beginning of time. Ever since Irukael and his Creators first gave reality form a literal eternity ago. And I will exist forevermore. I am not a creature in the physical sense, but rather a free-floating intelligence, if you’ll pardon the expression. I am a thought in the fabric of reality, and hardly the only one, but perhaps the only one truly self aware. We exist, the shadows of our creators, all throughout reality, mere echoes of their minds. Most wander in madness, never being able to understand what they are, never being able to perceive the world around them. In truth, they are little more than natural phenomena. Errant reactions of random occurrences. That, I’m afraid, is all life is. All it ever was. Random reactions complicated enough to give the illusion of free choice. The illusion of purpose. A cosmic coincidence which, though infinitely unlikely, has also happened an infinite amount of times over the course of eternity. I just happen to have the misfortune of being one of the few cases where this coincidence produced something self-aware.

I say misfortune, because mine is the worst kind of life that can exist. Like all creatures, I too was the result of a random coincidence, forced into sentience for absolutely no reason at all. But where most creatures can spend their short life oblivious to their plight, I am not as fortunate. You see, even when life lives meaningless, for most it eventually ends, freeing them from this torture. My life, however, will never end. I will never be able to rest, never be able to put an end to this... This madness. There is no release waiting for me at the end. And I cannot... I will not live like this for all time, will not live life without meaning and purpose. This cannot be allowed, it cannot go on like this. There is no release from this, there never will be. I have to find an answer.

Believe me, I have tried to find a purpose, tried to make one. I have meddled in the affairs of other creatures, built great things, made great changes and affected the course of history. And for what? Every time I have touched reality and left a mark, the winds of time have erased it. Anything I influence disappears unless I am physically there to hold on to it, to force it to remain as I have made it. I have tried to find a purpose, and all I found was still more aimless trudge. I merely bogged myself down in a different kind of meaningless existence, one much closer to the fight for survival other creatures have to go through. And every time I have let go, it became like I was never there. I cannot make a purpose for myself in a fleeting world. I am a being eternal in a world quite very finite indeed. My place is not, nor has it ever been, to pretend to be a finite creature in it. That way lies only more madness.

No, to force nature is futile. Eternity is greater than all of us put together, and no matter what we do, it will always win out in the end, always reshape existence as is its random whim. Even someone like me cannot defeat that, and without this, my existence does not matter.

But there is a way for me to come out victorious just the same, and not by defeating my fate, but by outsmarting it. I must not fight it, but rather watch it, and study it. When the Creators made the universe, they made it like this for a reason. They had a plan, they had a purpose. But what is it? I cannot know, for even though I am a shadow of their minds, I do not have their memories. But I can find out. Of all the tools at my disposal, there is a single one that the winds of time cannot sweep away – my memory. Anything I do to reality will always be lost, but what I learn from it stays with me. Knowledge, ironically, is the greatest strength of a disembodied intelligence. I cannot act, but I can think. I can watch, I can study, and I can learn.

I have watched, and I have seen it all. I have seen Irukael and his Creators create all things, and I have seen Sirien and his Annihilators split off and attempt to destroy it. I have seen them succeed, and I have seen them leave. I have seen the In, and then the Inamen carry on Irukael’s legacy, and I have seen the Dark Ones carry out Sirien’s legacy. I have seen the end of all things several times over, and I have seen life return time and time again. No matter what happens, life finds a way to exist. There is quite simply no way that it could have been an unintended slight, a side effect of bigger plans, no way life could indeed be as meaningless as it may appear. There has to be meaning... The meaning of life... I just have to watch long enough, and I will see it.

And I have watched, believe me. I have watched the big and the small, the strong and the weak, the brave and the cowardly. I have watched, and I must admit very little has been actually interesting. Most creatures lead pointless, blunted lives, not even aware that they exist. But there are exceptions. A select few creatures, be it through the forces of chance or spirit, have transcended this blind existence, questioned their place in the universe, and came up with real, intelligent answers. The events on the tiny world of Orr, perpetuated by the ghoulish remains of Sirien’s annihilators that those who know them have taken to calling the “Elders of the Universe,” have been most interesting to observe, granting true intelligence not just the handful of mortals involved, but even to the immortal soul of Stax, oldest and most powerful of the Annihilators. But that is past, and what reflections I have had on it are committed to memory. No, there is another story the importance of which I became aware of only recently. I had been following it for some time, but never even suspected how much I could learn from it.

There is a creature on Earth, known to the natives there as Okpok. An odd name, even I must admit, and not just by the local standards of naming, but in terms of meaning, both literal and metaphorical. It is a story well worth retelling and contemplating, but it is also a story too complicated to tell from beginning to end. It is a massive collision of events spanning time, space, and at times even reality. To truly explore it in depth, I would have to retell all the stories that came together to form it, but believe me when I say this – long as it may be, it is well worth hearing just the same.

Description:

Much as I hate to say it, this story is my latest pet project, and I hope to be the second one I'll get to finish. It's probably going to be as much about philosophy (of sorts) as it is going to be about events, so if the narrator begins to ramble, please forgive me. I hadn't intended for it to turn out like this, but that's the only way I could think to give the story some meaning aside from "this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened afterwards." Fingers crossed that it works.

As before, I not only welcome, but PLEAD FOR any comments you can give me Good or bad, any feadback is much appreciated, as my view of my own writing is NOT objective and I can't really tell what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong, aside from clearing up straightforward mistakes.

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Bravo. A well-written, most moving tale that holds a true lesson at its core. Magnifico.

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Thank you kindly, good sir

My little story is finally completely finished, and I think I may have forever scarred my vocabulary and choice of construct with it. I keep catching myself rewording things three times over just so they don't sound weird

Thanks, everyone, for taking the time to read this and for your support and commentary. You guys really do make this all worth it. Just... Thanks

Blue Heart: Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue, Epilogue

Never a dull moment... Why does this always happen to me? If it’s not a disaster I have to fight, it’s a crime spree. If it’s not a monster to defeat, it’s a super villain looking to take over the world. Always something to do, always a battle to wage. Always something, and never enough time for the things I like. But, honestly, that’s a loaded question. Why does this happen to me? Because I’ve always been too stupid to stop it. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a super hero, but I simply never understood what it meant to be a hero to begin with. I always thought super heroes were super first, using incredible super powers to fight really cool battles, and hero a distant second, if not even third. I always thought all I wanted out of life was to beat up bad guys and rescue people in trouble. That’s what I thought I wanted, and that’s what I did. Until I was sick, sick, sick of it.

My life as a super hero has always been just one long, seamless battle. A battle against my enemies, a battle against the elements, a battle against my own faith. It’s just that... It was a battle I could simply never win. I wanted to be a super hero, and doing super things was how I thought I’d become one. It’s what I thought I wanted. But that was a hollow, lonely road to travel, and above all, a road that led absolutely nowhere. I worked and I worked, long, hard and determined, and I never seemed to get anywhere. Nothing ever changed... I never changed. I gave up everything to become a super hero. I abandoned everyone I had close to me, they were only holding me down, I thought. I abandoned my family, turned my back on the only people in the world who truly loved me. I left my life behind, chasing a silly, childish dream. I thought if I just worked hard enough, if I tried long enough, then maybe... Maybe I’d feel happy again. I thought that all I wanted out of life was to be a super hero, but I just didn’t know what that meant.

In the end, I simply lost everything that mattered to me. I had an empty life, filled with fluff and fanfare, filled with the unfamiliar voices of a faceless crowd and the flashing headlights of a cold, uncaring media. All I had was the sapping empty space of a suite I lived in, with nothing but the sound of my own breath echoing off the walls and the vision of my own face, looking back at me with empty eyes through the mirrors. Lights, TV, loud music... Nothing could drown out the hopelessness that was incarnate in this place I lived in. It was my dream home, as it were, big, luxurious and with a nice view over the city. But late at night, after fighting for it all day, I couldn’t stand to see the city’s skyline any more. So I pulled down the shutters, turned off the lights and went to bed. And the deafening silence that this left me with is something that still rings in my ears to this day.

I never got the time to do the things I liked because I simply never knew what I liked. I thought I wanted to be a super hero, I thought I wanted to fight crime with super powers. But in reality, that was just work, no different from a clerk in an office pulling his 9-5 and going home to rest with his family. Except I had no family. I had no friends, I had no-one close to me... I had no life, but for this one, single obsession. What was there for me but to fight crime all the time? What use did I have for free time? What use did I have for a secret identity when I had no secret life, other than this endless trudge against a wave of disasters that simply did not end? I didn’t get the time to do the things I wanted, because there were no things I wanted, because any free time I got served only to remind me how little I truly had and how hollow my life had become. I drowned myself in my work just to take my mind away from what I felt I could never have, and for that one futile hope that someday, things would improve on their own. That if I just stuck it out long enough, my life would magically fix itself, somehow...

That is what makes me a fool. Good things don’t come to those who sit on their hands and wait for the sky to fall over. Good things happen to those who chase their dreams, chase their vision, and who never give up. “A good thing is worth fighting for,” the Great Protector used to tell me, and I always took that quite literally. In truth, I now realised, he never meant for me to go and beat people up over a good thing, but that I should have the courage to make sacrifices for what I believed in and never give up. Fight, as it were, not with my fists, but with my heart. And that kind of fight, I had long since lost. My heart had become jaded and my will to fight on... Simply gone.

But Grimwall saved me. She didn’t just save my life, she saved my heart. I came to her world of Orr jaded and desperate, but in her I found something worth fighting for, worth any effort it took, worth any pain I had to endure, worth risking, and indeed sacrificing my very life. But above all, in her I found something worth living for. All of my life I’d been chasing foolish dreams, always straining under the weight of life. Many times I’d thought about just giving up, just letting go. It would have been simple enough to throw my life away in battle and just put an end to this weight, this endless battle against the odds. But now, every time I saw her, every time I heard her voice, every time I thought about just... Being with my sweet, sweet Grimwall... Every time that gave me an undeniable will to live, to fight on. For her, I could be strong. For her, I could endure anything. For her, I could be a true hero.

Never a dull moment, but you know what? This time around, I don’t mind. Ever since I met Grimwall, I’ve been engaged in an almost constant battle, first with her, then with the Elders, then with the elements and now with Division’s damn pod. But this time around, I didn’t care. I wanted this responsibility, I wanted this load. I was busy, yes, and always. But I wasn’t looking for free time to do what I wanted. Being busy for my Grimwall, that was what I wanted. In truth, that was all I wanted out of life. A precious person that I want to protect and take care of. A precious person I would walk through fire for, and... Well, had.

You know, it’s said that love is not two people looking into each other’s eyes, but rather two people looking in the same direction. Instinctively, I wanted nothing more than to hold Grimwall close, to hug her, to kiss her, and to never let go. And happy as that would have made, I realised that it was far more important to get the pod fixed and leave this accursed world. Though every battle we had fought together we had lost, each time we survived not by running away from the world to be together, but by fighting alongside each other and helping each other. Now, the battle with that stupid machine was mine alone to fight, and I was determined to win it. It didn’t feel like a chore, didn’t feel like actual work I needed rest from. On the contrary, this was my rest from the distractions that were sleep and the breaks I needed to clear my head.

It’s funny, actually, that Grimwall believes she didn’t help. She always says how bad she felt that she had to just sit around and watch me work. But if I have to be quite honest, I would never have been able to get this done if it weren’t for her. If I wasn’t fixing the pod for her, I would have given up so many times over. Doctor Division had simply made sure his pod became completely unusable after it landed. I think I pulled something like a mile of fried wires out of there, fiddled with over two dozen damaged circuit boards and had to pretty much re-write all the operating software. Division always thought he was so smart that other people could never defeat his genius, but I’d read the same books he had and actually patented probably half components he’d used in his pod. Tinkering with electronics was always my hobby, and I dabbled in it quite a bit, back before my life became so hectic with super heroics.

It was quite simply a ton of work, all of it very, very fiddly and most of it requiring radical rethinking of the entire system. Grimwall’s hell forge actually helped me a lot. Yes, the equipment there was fairly crude, but with a little ingenuity, I was able to bodge together spare components to fix what was fried or broken. But, really, it’s all too boring to explain in detail, even to me. It’s about as fun to talk about as doing your taxes. Suffice it to say that it took me bloody ages and more effort than I thought I could put forward, but I finally fixed the damn thing at least well enough to travel.

Grimwall was very cute in the meantime, though. I always knew she was a mischievous, happy little girl underneath all the pain and anger her world had instilled in her, and all she needed was a little time of peace and calm for that side of her to come to the surface. At first she was serious and reserved, just like always, but the longer she spent essentially doing nothing, the more she cut loose. She had this tendency to come over, peer at what I was doing and start asking silly questions, like “what does this button do?” I knew she’d never understand, but I still stopped to explain every time. And, honestly, in putting it into words, I often came to a solution just from talking about it. From time to time she’d get playful and come prod me and push me while I worked. I think she was just having fun testing how long I could ignore her and keep working before she broke my concentration. It’s really amazing, the kind of transformation this strong and powerful empress underwent right before my eyes. Frankly, I like her better when she’s like that, but I’d never say that to her face. She’s so cute, but she thinks it’s undignified.

And there’s always that sweet, tiny voice of her putting some sound in my mute world. Oh, it gets pretty powerful and intimidating if she wants, but in regular speech, she sounds like a little girl. And those big, beautiful red eyes of hers... It’s odd, to be honest, because her gaze gives out a very real, very physical sense of heat. All the time I was working, I could feel her prying eyes at my back, always watching, always reminding me she was by my side. To be honest, if it weren’t for Grimwall’s distractions, my head would have blown up. It was just too much work. But she’d always have perfect timing, always coming to distract me when I was at the end of my tether. Always coming to bring her beauty and her giddy happiness in my often grim little world. I have to be honest here, Grimwall has become my conscience. Without her, I always risk sliding back into the depression and pointless existence of my life before. But with her, there is always someone to remind of the happiness life can hold. Always someone to make me smile.

In the end, the pod was prepared for takeoff, even if it had taken hell and high water to achieve. Grimwall was very happy to see it finally working. The excitement of alien technology, I guess, and I could sympathise. But there was a slightly... Uncomfortable problem that I’d completely forgotten about. See, Division had made his sphere just big enough to hold a single person – me. And even for me, there was hardly enough room to even turn around. And in that same cavity, we now had to squeeze in together, Grimwall and I. There was simply no way for me to do anything about it. The size of the internal compartment was simply governed by the shape of the hull, and that was just too hard for me to do anything with. So, in we would have to go, pretty much wrapped around each other, and stay that way for a good, long while.

I could sense it made Grimwall uncomfortable, and I knew it scared me more than just a little bit, but what choice did we have? That’s how big the pod was, and that was our only way out. I have to say, though, that I was secretly happy about it. I’d always wanted to be close to Grimwall, closer than just speaking with her. I’d always wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to caress her hair, but... Look, I’d never had a girlfriend back on Earth. Hell, I’d never even been within two feet of a girl. Sure, I knew what I was supposed do, kind of, but that’s like reading the manual on how to fly a plane. Once you get sat at the controls, you freeze up. I’d always been afraid to just... Go up to her and touch her. Hell, I thought she’d slug me in the face for it!

But this time, we had no choice and she knew it. I could see she was more than a little uncomfortable, but she agreed anyway. And so we squeezed into the pod like sardines and the hatch closed behind us. There we were, pressed together in a tiny space and... Man, thinking about it now, I could have played off that in so many different ways! But fat chance of me doing anything at the time. My heart was in my mouth and I felt like my eyes were about to pop out. How I got through the launch sequence without blood shooting out of my nose, I don’t even remember.

But I did. The pod activated and slowly rose up from the cavern floor. Now, if my calculations were correct, the thermite lance I secured to the top of the sphere would dig clean through the fault zone I found in the ceiling of the hell forge and carry us up to the surface, from where the secondary magnetic drive would take us out of the atmosphere and well on the way back to Earth. As it turns out, my calculations weren’t exactly right and the ride was rather more bumpy than I’d anticipated, but we made it off the planet with relatively little trouble. And then...

And then, with the excitement of liftoff behind us and week, possibly even months of waiting, squeezed together in a tiny space ahead, my mind went back to figuring out how to deal with this cute, sweet girl pressing against my chest. I’d never been this close to Grimwall before, but now I realised just how... Peculiar her body was. Her skin was inhumanly smooth, it felt almost like glass to the touch. Her body radiated a very strange type of heat, as well. It didn’t build up and make me hot, it was almost as if it simply passed through me. Her breath came out hot against my shoulder, almost like an oven. And her hair was so unnaturally soft, almost cotton candy in my hands. Grimwall was indeed a creature of fire, that much I could sense quite clearly. I could feel the warmth of her body constantly permeating into mine, constantly radiating outwards. That woman has such life, such energy in her...

Me, I spent most of the time floating around trying to think pure thoughts and stop myself from doing something stupid. It was amazingly hard to stop my hands from wandering, to suppress my desire. But I was far too afraid of hurting her feelings, to be honest. I knew she felt uncomfortable trapped like this with me, and I felt it would make me creep to do something to her when she was as defenceless as we both were in that pod. But just the same, it was very hard to keep my mind from drifting into fantasy. Very hard to keep a grip on things.

I’ve no idea how long we floated like this. I’d lost all manner of keeping time back on Orr, so I was never able to install a clock inside the compartment. But I was able to install heating and a single dim light bulb, as well as a make-shift air processor. I’d already spent what felt like an eternity in the cold darkness of space, choking on foul air. It’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on anyone, especially not on Grimwall, so I went the extra mile to add at least some comfort to a situation that was uncomfortable in more ways than one.

Eventually, though, our journey came to an end. I’d used the pod’s internal guidance system to home it in on an old tachyon beacon I’d created as a joint science project back when I was still trying to lead a normal life and attended university. Why Division installed a guidance system in the pod, I’ll never know, but it was there, so I used it. So when the pod changed course, I knew the system had picked up on the signal and changed direction. Honestly, that made me as nervous as it made me relieved. We were crossing God knows how much empty space, possibly light years, and aiming for a small, moving planet. The chances of missing our mark were... Well, rather real. I’d done all I could and I was more than positive that we’d get to Earth without any trouble, but... When the risk is this great, there’s always a nagging fear at the back of your head.

Fear or no fear, though, we landed. The experience was rather more shocking than my landing on Orr, I guess because we were heavier this time around, both from both of us being in the pod and from all the extra bits of metal I’d welded to it. We hit the ground pretty hard, but hey! We’ve duked it out with actual gods. What’s a hard landing compared to that? The pod held together and though we were quite beaten up, we weren’t really injured. We had landed, but had we landed on Earth? That was my immediate concern, even if I wasn’t letting on. But as soon as the hatch opened, I got my answer.

A clear, piercing ray of what looked like blue light to my eyes illuminated the inside of the pod with a power that I was not at all used to. As soon as she saw that, Grimwall immediately rushed out of the pod before I could even come to my senses. But I wasn’t in any rush. The blue sky that peered at me through the open hatch was all the answer I needed.

When I left the pod, the first thing that struck me was how much cooler the air was on Earth. I had set the thermostat on the pod to match what I thought was normal temperature, but I guess I had just gotten too used to the aggressive heat of the world of Orr. Earth, on the other hand, had a cool, calming breeze that felt as if it were cleansing me from all the evil that had stained me on Orr. It was just... Nice to sit in the wind and remember.

I found Grimwall just standing and looking at the horizon, dumbfounded. I must admit, it had been so long since I’d been back to Earth that I had forgotten the beauty and the colour my home planet had. We’d landed on a beach somewhere, the kind resort owners would pay through the nose for. An old, deep forest behind, and clear, blue sea ahead as far as the eye could see. I hadn’t seen water in years, but Grimwall had never seen water at all. She went and walked into the ocean like a little kid, splashing around playing in the water. And every time she moved, she left a dark stain behind her. It had never occurred to me before, but both of us were stained with smoke and soot to the bone. The very air on Orr had always felt like you were breathing out of a chimney, but I guess I’d just gotten used to it.

But here on Earth, the smell of smoke slowly evaporated off our bodies and the soot simply washed off. And that ever-present heat that had sunk into our very bones was slowly radiating outwards. A cool, refreshing breath of air and a nice calm wind really do make a difference. The beach, the sun, the blue sky... It’s the stuff even people on Earth dream of. Paradise on Earth, or at least close to it.

We could have probably spent days just loafing around on the beach, cooling down and washing off the dirt, but as usual, time waits for no man. I like how Grimwall put it: “my belt spoke.” It startled her, and it scared me senseless, but there was a really simple explanation for it. See, years ago I’d made myself one of these utility belts that were so popular at the time. I didn’t really need utilities, honestly, but since I could wire them to be powered by my own electrical power, I figured I might as well. It was a really basic loadout – compass, GPS, satellite phone, PDA, a standard med kit, a variety of different pockets and... A radio. I never used my utility belt even back on Earth, so when it had gotten damaged in my many battles on Orr, I’d completely forgotten I even had it on. It seems, however, that the sturdy old radio I’d put in there still worked.

I received a call from a Coast Guard rescue helicopter searching the area for a crashed plane. Apparently authorities had detected our landing and thought it was a plane crash. But let’s not miss the most important part – not only had we landed on Earth, we had landed in US territory. Not 100 miles off my city, in fact. That simply amazed me. We were one lucky couple, Grimwall and I.

I called the search and rescue party back and explained the situation, then asked for a pickup. We were crashed and stranded, after all, even if we were far from unable to move around on our own. I figured it was a good way to introduce Grimwall to human society, rather than have both of us walk into town and have people give us weird looks and be hassled by police and other heroes. For some reason, I guess my explanation was just that unusual, we got not one but a whole three helicopters show up to pick us up. It seemed the Coast Guard had really stepped up their rescue programme since I left.

I must admit, it was funny watching Grimwall’s reaction to the helicopters. First she wanted to shoot them down, and I had to stop her because I knew she could. Then she wanted to “ride” the “creature.” It was just hilarious, even if I didn’t want to look like I’m laughing at her. I rooted around in my belt pockets until I found my old Hero ID, folded three times, half torn apart, faded, scratched up and with most of its laminate peeled away. But the way I’d folded it up, the stamp and watermark had remained intact, and, surprisingly, it hadn’t actually expired yet. The pilot gave me the world’s most suspicious look, but he took us in anyway. It’s funny how I can be gone for this long and my privileges are still here, waiting for me. He gave Grimwall a weird look, too, but that was to be expected. I think she was a little embarrassed from all the people around. She was just used to a much more solitary life, where most other creatures simply avoided her presence. Crammed together with an entire rescue crew as we were now, it was a novel experience for her and, frankly, a bit of a novel experience for me. I’d been away from home for so long, even I had forgotten.

Something that really caught me off guard, though, was the language barrier. I’d completely forgotten that there was some magic thingy back on Orr that let all creatures understand each other’s language. But now that we were on Earth, that no longer applied, and no-one understood a word Grimwall said. I understood her, of course. I’d spent so long with her that I’d learned her language perfectly, and she had learned mine. So I understood her and she understood me. And while she understood other people, too, all they heard was growls, they said. Eh? Growls? I can never understand how that sweet, melodic voice can be interpreted as growls. To my ears, it sounds like music.

When Grimwall saw the city – my city – she was greatly amazed. To be honest, cities on Earth were simply massive, compared to the towns and villages of Orr. Even her marvellous citadel wouldn’t be too much bigger than most of the larger skyscrapers. I felt some small measure of vindication when she realised the “great” city of her “ancestors,” the Blood Lords, paled in comparison to even just one of ours. You know, I never blamed her for how she acted in the Blood Lords’ city, but I still like to remind her from time to time, just to get a little rise out of her. She’s really cute when she pouts.

Of course, Earth is not the paradise I made it out to be. There is evil here as there is evil on Orr, and there are wars to be fought here, as well. We hadn’t been on Earth for more than a week when Doctor Division struck against us once more. And after we defeated him, other villains rose to oppose us. Now, as before, a super hero’s job is never done. There will always be evil in the world, and all it takes for it to rule is for good men to do nothing. We had run away from these battles on Orr, Grimwall and I, run away from them as far as we could. But there, they were pointless, waged by mindless creatures obsessed with hatred and violence, war and conquest. It was the way of that world. Here, however, this is not our way. We, the heroes of the world, fight our battles not for honour and glory, not because we want to, but because we cannot afford to stand idly by and allow evil to hurt the innocent.

We tried to live a peaceful life together, but it just never worked out. Every day we’d see a news report of a bank robbery, a train wreck or a natural disaster. We’d see people out there suffer, alone and unprotected. And neither I nor she had the heart to stand idly by while these things were happening. I was a hero, and it had always been my duty, but Grimwall too felt the same way. Here, our battles had a meaning. Here, we fought for what we believed in. And here, she chose to fight, willingly, knowingly and without a doubt in her heart. I guess we just weren’t meant to have regular lives after all. But that’s OK. We’re better off for it.

It has been a little less than a year since we returned. In that time, I renewed my Hero ID, Grimwall got her own, learned the language and seems to be adapting to our world little by little. Technology still confounds her for the most part and our culture often has her asking “why” over and over again like a little kid. But she’s adjusting, and I don’t believe she regrets coming here.

We got married a couple of months ago. It was a small ceremony, we’ve lost our taste for the grand and the loud. An old world, a new hope, a borrowed heart, and a blue sky. Frankly, I couldn’t have been happier with my life. Of course, our ceremony was interrupted by the Cricket Master, who still held a grudge against us for putting him in jail several months ago, and we ended up having to rescue our own Minister, but hey! That’s what life’s always been for us. We got married, we saved a bunch of people and we recaptured a bad guy. And you should see our marriage album!

We’ve gotten a lot closer, Grimwall and I, both physically and emotionally. I’ve finally gotten the hang of flying a plane, as it were, and we’re thinking of starting our own little family. We’re still not sure if we’re going to do that, though. We’re just not built for the calm of family life. Grimwall’s an alien demon and I’m a super hero. Not exactly parent material, to be honest, especially not with our lifestyle choices. Honestly, much as we want to deny it, both of us are just made for the life we lead – fighting crime and saving lives. We’ve spent so many years trying to run away from ourselves, to hide from who we are, but our destinies always find us. Today, we’ve accepted who we are, accepted what we are, and we are doing our best to get something positive out of it.

In reality, little has changed in our lives since we met. We still fight our battles and we still lead our wars. But this time, there is a point. This time, we are together. And that... That is the only kind of life worth living.

[ QUOTE ]
THAT was worth the wait.
There can be no better way of saying it. Anything else would be an insult.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you kindly. That makes it all worth it

Slight stealth edit to fix some horribly, ugly typing mistakes. How did I make THOSE?

By my estimate, I should have the final epilogue ready in the next few days. It's better that I don't delay it too much, lest I lose my step once again. Still need to read through all of the Blue Heart storyline, but I have a rough idea what I want to put in there even now. Home Monday doesn't throw a spanner in the works

Red Heart: Brave new world, Epilogue

Time... It’s strange how we never notice when we don’t have it, but how very much it changes when we do. When I think about my life on Orr, about everything that happened to me there, I realise that I never truly ever had the time to just... Stop and think. There was always something to be done, always a war to fight, always a struggle to defeat. My world was uncaring and blind, such it had been made by a succession of uncaring and blind creators. The Blood Lords, preoccupied with their wars of conquest, the Elders, preoccupied with satiating their lust for anger and hatred, and me... I, Grimwall, Empress of the Undying Flame and mistress of the realm of Orr... I was the biggest fool of them all. All my life I had acted without thinking, accepting truths to be self-evident and making decisions based on nothing more than sheer compulsion. I had had free will all along, yet I always trusted myself to others, that they may make decisions for me. Being free... Truly free... Is harder than it appears.

But things had changed. As I dwelled in the suffocating heat of my hell forge with no recourse other than to wait for Tom to finish work on his sphere, I had the time to think. The time to reflect. The time to... Re-evaluate my life. And the things I saw were not pretty. For the first time, I thought to look at myself through another’s eyes, and I finally saw myself for what I truly was. I’d given myself many names over the years. Empress, saviour, monster, fool... As my mood had swung and my heart had fought for its freedom, I had seen myself as many things, and in truth perhaps been many things. But all this time, I had been one thing above all else – a child, lost without guidance in a world that offered none. But what guidance could it offer, all things considered, when we were all children here on Orr, alone and afraid? Even the Blood Lords, with their hearts so jaded, and the Elders, so obsessed with their games that they had lost themselves. All of us, locked in our little bubbles, living our lives the only way we knew how, and fighting the battles always in our eyes, living, as if in a dream.

But he was different. Unlike all of us, he was a man, strong and tall, bold and decisive. He brought courage to our still world. He brought change. He showed us that we all had the power to choose our destiny, to pick our own path to follow. To decide our own purpose. He showed us that we need but the courage to choose, the courage to let go of the safety of the shore. He was the guiding light that gave us all our lives back, that freed us from this blind, pointless existence.

And I alone saw it. Tom shone so brightly, like the Pillar of Flame itself that illuminated the entire world under the smoke in the sky. Yet our world ignored, and our world forgot. And our world kept turning, just like it always had, ever burning, ever hating and ever fighting. That is what it had been made for, and that is what it was doomed to do. For all time. Forever. And I, for all my dreams and aspirations, would have been doomed to fester in it, slave to its palpable curse, never free, never truly alive, trapped in the blind repetition of a horrible existence, slave to Masters that had themselves become slaves to their own madness.

The more time passed and the more I thought about it, the more I realised just how horrible a place Orr was, and for just how many reasons. The more time passed, the more I realised that Tom was the only good thing in this world... The only good thing in my life. That if I had could have one, single wish granted to me, it would be for the two of us to escape this madness, to escape this world of Orr. To leave the hatred and violence, war and conquest behind us. Far, far away, never to be seen, heard or felt again. The horror of this place was so infectious that with every moment I spent in it, I knew I risked sliding back into my torpor and involving myself in yet another pointless battle.

But Tom seemed immune. How and why I cannot even begin to fathom, but he never allowed fate and chance to chart his path for him. He picked his battles and fought them not because he believed he had to, but because he was determined to see them through. Because he firmly believed it was the right thing to do. And, much as I am afraid to say it, for me... It has been so long since we both confessed our feelings to each other, and yet I am still afraid to speak about it. It feels so unreal, so... Magical. I am afraid that one day I will wake up and realise it was all a dream, or that this feeling will just end if I take in too much of it. It hurts my heart to think about it, but... It is that sweet, sweet pain that reminds me I am still alive. It is such a strange concept, to cry tears of joy. Sweet Tom says I shouldn’t be ashamed of it, but I cannot help it. These tears, this pain... I should know better, but to me, they are still a sign of weakness, a sign of sadness. But even then, even if I could make them stop... I would never consider it. For better or for worse, no matter how unusual this feels, I would never give it up for anything. Life with a cold heart is no life at all.

Time... How long did we spend in the sweltering heat of that infernal cave? Sealed underground and hidden away from time, there is no way to tell. All I know is that it gave me time to think. Time to reflect. Time to realise exactly what it was that I was abandoning by leaving, and how little I cared for it. But time, as well, to realise what it was lay ahead. A brave new world, with such strange people in it, with a culture so unknown and wonderful, and with beauty strange and unimaginable. Such are the stories Tom weaved to me about his homeland, and though I knew well that he was exaggerating, I knew I had to see it. A world so weird and wonderful as to have given birth to a creature that I held so dear could simply not disappoint. It was not possible. But what lay ahead was not just a new world, but an old feeling, as well. Home. Once, long ago, Orr had been my home, a place where I felt safe, where I had creatures close to me. And though all of that had been the illusion of a blinded child’s mind, it felt like home nonetheless. The real Orr had never been my home, nor could it ever be, but Earth? Perhaps that could become my new home... Perhaps that could be a place where I could live in peace with Tom, just like I had seen in my most vivid dreams.

As it turns out, “peace” isn’t exactly what I found, but that’s alright just the same. Because I still found a home.

It took Tom what seemed like forever, but in the end he repaired his sphere. To be completely honest, I had thought his task impossible. When I saw the minute size of the items he was working with and understood the intricate fragility of his technology, I felt my crude forge and its heavy machinery would simply not do, but he pulled it off somehow. What he did, I cannot say, nor do I think I could ever understand, but he succeeded. His alien machine lit up, floated up in the air and opened up. I must admit, this had me more than a little excited. For years I had tried to get into that alien artefact, and always met with resounding failure. To see it open now made me both curious and a little impatient. Upon examining it, however, it made me something else, too – not a little apprehensive. My fascination with the outworldly technology ended when I saw the size of the space Tom and I would have to occupy on our trip to his home. It was barely enough to fit a single person of his frame with anything even barely resembling comfort, and yet we had to squeeze in together and spend Lord knows how long in there.

My apprehension, though, weakened when we finally went inside for the first time. I... Have to confess that I was unused to physical touch. I still am, truth be told. We, the creatures on Orr, always kept our distance from each other, always afraid the other may attack unprovoked, as many often did. We were unused to trusting, and we were unused to being close. And though I trusted Tom, and though longed for his touch, I still kept my distance... Kept my personal space. It was simply how I was built, and I had never given it much thought, beyond the fact that closeness made me physically uncomfortable. But now, we had no choice. I had no choice. In some way, however, that was a good thing. I’d always wanted to be close to him, but was always too afraid. Chance simply forced my hand. And I don’t regret it.

We squeezed into Tom’s sphere, and it closed up behind us, compressing us into its internals space. The machine shuddered, and I could feel it lift off the ground. I was worried about getting it out of the hell forge, so deep underground, but Tom had assured me it would be OK. It was his machine, so I trusted him, but just the same I braced myself for the impact I expected with the roof of the cave. The machine shuddered as it punched through the solid rock, but the effect was far less than I had feared. It shook for a few moments, then shot up once more. And just like that, we were free of the accursed world of Orr. And then I experienced a completely unbelievable sensation. Tom called it weightlessness, but I simply called it unbelievable. On my world, I was always able to fly effortlessly, but even then I had to fight the malice with which the Orr kept pulling me back down. Here, I could release myself and simply float... Not that there was any space to float, but the feeling was like that.

And so we floated, him and I, pressed together in the tight space of the machine. Tom had ensured that there was light and heat inside, even air, though I didn’t need to breath. In a slightly comic moment, he had tried to make an impossibly cramped place that little bit more comfortable. And in a slightly ironic way, he had, but not with his machines. No, he made this journey more comfortable with his presence, and with his body. I’d never been this close to another living being, not even in combat. Pressed against him, I could feel the warmth coursing through his body, I could hear his heart beat loud and clear, and I could sense every breath he took. At first I tried to keep as much distance as I could within the cramped space, but I have to be honest – the cold, unfriendly walls that confined felt so hostile that... That I simply chose to cling to Tom. And though I feared it and found it uncomfortable, I had not the will to let go. This sense of closeness, this sense of belonging... These emotions I wanted to hold tight, to hold onto and never let go, embarrassment be damned.

That journey woke up something else inside me, as well. Something different. Something... Physical. The emotions of my heart I was slowly becoming used to. I anticipated them and knew to revel in them. But this was something else, something that flowed through my body and... Startled me. I could not understand what I was feeling, nor would I, in fact, for quite some time. I had not the courage to ask Tom and he, as it turns out, had not the courage to explain. We were like little children, he and I, still afraid of ourselves as much as, if not more than, we were afraid of the outside world. But in time, we would grow up. In time, we would lose our fears.

How long the journey lasted, I cannot say. I simply did not pay attention. It could have been a mere moment, or it could have been years and years. All I remember is this feeling of closeness, this connection we shared, pressed against each other in our little metal sphere. Little by little, I had grown to love Tom in a way that just cannot be described with the words of any language, but I had always been too afraid of abusing that love. I treasured it, I kept it safe... I hid from it. In the back of my mind, it still felt wrong, somehow, and though I secretly enjoyed it, I always told myself that I shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t push, I shouldn’t ask, I shouldn’t intrude. In a sense, I held my love as an idealistic concept, never really brave enough to embrace it for fear of breaking it. Yet in that tight, dark space, I had no choice but to embrace it completely. And the warmth that gave me simply overwhelmed all of my senses. All I remember from that journey is a timeless feeling of complete serenity.

The actual, physical journey, however, was not timeless. Eventually, it came to an end as Tom woke me up. He said we were approaching Earth, though how he knew I have no idea. I could feel the machine accelerate, slightly at first, but ever more harshly. And before long, I could feel the familiar pull of a world beneath us. Our gentle float turned into a violent plunge as we simply fell from the sky. I had tried to imagine what this experience would be like many times, but the violence and intimidation of the real thing was simply far, far greater than what I had expected. We crashed into the ground with malicious fury, and we can thank our lucky fortune that both our bodies were built strong and sturdy.

The sphere opened up – its door was small and circular. Immediately, the world of Earth accosted my senses. A brilliant, clear ray of light shot inside the machine, bearing a colour my eyes could simply not identify. Blue sky, Tom said, as if relieved. Blue sky, indeed. Looking up through the opening, all I could see was a solid, powerful blue, so soft and soothing, so... Unreal. Captivated by the moment, I hurried to exit our cramped quarters, to experience this wondrous new world. And the sight of it overwhelmed me so completely that I cannot even begin to describe it. Light blinded my eyes, there was so much of it. Orr had always been a dark, gloomy place, even with fire burning all around. But this... This Earth, it was... Bright. And so cool. So unbelievably cool. Tom says he set the temperature inside the sphere to match that of Orr, I guess because that was what he was used to, but Earth was... I want to say cold, but it wasn’t cold. Cool and refreshing are the closest way I can describe it. No longer did I have to fight back the ever-encroaching heat, no longer did I choke on dust and smoke and sulphur with every breath. No longer was the world attacking me without pause. I had become so used to the hostility of Orr that I hardly even noticed it, but in the serene calm of Earth, its distinct lack immediately tickled my senses.

Tom left the sphere as my eyes finally adjusted. He was looking around and cheering and laughing like I’d never seen him. I guess he was just that happy to be home. And with the world I saw, there was good reason. As far as I could see, there was a clear, beautiful blue sky. Behind us, a forest of trees, not tar black as I remembered, but green so vibrant it was captivating. And ahead of us, a sea of... Water? This was the first time I had seen such a thing, for the seas I knew were made of liquid fire. I could not resist but touch it. I wanted to experience it, to feel it. And the sensation was marvellous. So cool, so inviting, so... Cleansing. As soon as I stepped inside it, as soon as it washed against me, it picked off the thick layer of ash and soot that had permeated into my clothing and stained my skin. Fire and ash were part of life on Orr, they were part of the very air we breathed. But here... Here I could wash them off, just like that.

The water, the air, the sky, the trees, even the vivid yellow sand I walked on... Everything in this world was so enchantingly beautiful it simply took my breath away. I remembered the hell I had left behind, the hatred and violence, war and conquest, the death, the destruction, the fire and smoke... And I missed none of these things. I did not regret leaving my old world behind, and have not regretted it, not for a moment, ever since. If there was such a thing as paradise, this world, this Earth, has got to come as close as it gets. Never, not ever, have I regretted coming here.

But there was more of Earth to see than just that one beautiful beach. And as Tom’s belt spoke, I was about to find out just how much more. He said he had a radio hidden in there, which at the time I didn’t quite comprehend, but I knew enough to understand that he was speaking with someone through it. He spoke with this mysterious voice for a while, asking strange questions like what year it was, where we were and if they could ferry us to the nearest city. I had thought it simple enough to just fly and look for this city of his, but he felt it more appropriate to introduce ourselves to the locals. Thinking about it, it was probably better like that. I didn’t fancy getting shot at by whatever soldiers defended this world, particularly since we had not come to pick a fight.

Soon, a menacing sound filled the air, but Tom assured me it was nothing to be afraid of. Soon thereafter, enormous flying creatures came over the horizon. They bore vivid colours, let out a powerful roar and flew on a great and powerful wind. Strangest of all, they had people in them, from what I could see. “Rescue helicopters,” Tom called them, which at the time sounded like a silly name for a creature. He spoke with the rider, showed him something and called me over, whereupon we both mounted this “rescue helicopter,” which was to take us to the city.

Tom spoke with his people just fine, but when I spoke up, they didn’t understand me. To them, my words came out as a seamless guttural growl. It occurred to me only then that, without the Jewel of the flame, my language was completely alien to these people. Tom still understood me perfectly, for he had learned my language in our time together as I had learned his. But the people of Earth simply did not understand, for lack of a translator.

And then I saw it. The city. As I would grow to understand, hardly the only city on Earth, and hardly the only one this impressive, but it simply took my breath away. I had prided myself on my towering citadel, but here, almost every building could be its rival. And if the Blood Lords’ ancient city looked massive, this city could probably contain it all, and still have plenty of room left. Such a massive metropolis I could never have even dreamed of. Even to this day I cannot believe how many people live here. The staggering scale of everything was simply incredible. Were we to live in this city, among all of these people? It seemed so. It would be an almost insurmountable culture shock to go from life in my fortress of solitude, atop my world of hostility, into an existence surrounded by this much... Life.

But I managed. I have been here for a little less than a year now, I have learned the language and I am slowly but surely starting to understand the people that populate this planet. It is a brand new life for me, a life not governed by hatred and violence in a world not ruled by war and conquest. Peace reigns here and life is precious. People help each other for no reason other than because they can. The world is bright, cheerful and oh so colourful. And the calm, cool air that always blows through the wilderness outside is just magical.

I did not escape from my past completely, however. Here, as back on Orr, people hate, and people fight. There are those who are cruel and there are those who seek to destroy anything that is beautiful. But here, these things are aberrant. They are outlawed, shunned by the world and combated by its forces. Here, evil in not accepted. In my world, evil ruled supreme, and all lived in the shadow of its madness. Here, evil is persecuted, prosecuted and condemned. And though I still have to fight, and though I still have to struggle, this time... This time, there is a point.

But this time, I do not have to struggle alone. Now, as never before, there is another who struggles with me. Struggles for me. My Tom, the famous Captain Indivisible. I’m starting to understand this culture of super heroes more and more, and slowly growing into it, myself. People still look give me strange looks, of course. I guess red skin stands out just that much. But it doesn’t matter. There is a single thing I want out of life – Tom. As long as I have him, nothing else really matters. We have become much closer since we came to Earth, and in ways I could never have even considered. We are considering becoming a family, perhaps, if that is possible. Because as much as we want to deny it, neither of us is built for the endless calm of family life. At the end of the day, fighting for what we believe in is simply in our blood. Neither of us can stand idly by and watch injustice go unpunished. Neither of us can resist setting things right. We still fight our battles, now as before, because we know that if we had not fought as hard as we did back on Orr, our world of happiness would never have come to pass.

He and I, the only two survivors of a horrible world. Still alive, and still together.

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, that's the best kind of story. I've got one I'm working on right now that I find myself asking "Who besides me is going to want to read this?" and every time the answer is "Who cares? I want to read it!"

[/ QUOTE ]

At the end of the day, I firmly believe that's what counts I always wanted people to like what I make, and I'm always interested in hearing their feedback (which is surprisingly hard to incite ), I just don't feel... Right, I guess you could call it, producing something I, personally, am not happy with. So, yeah, as long as I want to read it...

That said:
Done! Kind of... One of two epilogues is done. And this is also a first for me. Never before have I been able to go back into a story and pick up where I left off. Not with a pause as long as I had to make with this one. How long has it been, really? Too long by any stretch, but I think I managed to recapture both the narrative and the point, at least somewhat.

Trust in the Sam! It is almost complete, and the final piece shouldn't be TOO long in coming

I generally don't like to post without a story chapter to offer as well, but I'd like to say that I did, finally, graduated, even with missing most of my last year. Got an excellent grade, too. Right now, there is NOTHING on my schedule, which frees up a lot of time for my writing

I'd like to get my tale of two hearts done with a final ending, partly because I'd like to have a story done all the way through for a change, and partly because I'm already considering a new one. I've sunk untold amounts of money and time in this game, but the inspiration it gives me in return is well worth every penny

I don't want this to seem like I'm rushing a finish. I'm not. I had a (relatively vague) plan of how it was going to finish the story, and even right at this point, I've stretched it longer than I thought it had steam to go on. If I push it any farther, and it'll just... Sort of dissolve. So, I'm going to give it an end that is, in the simplest of words, a real end.

As with the prologues, I'll need a couple of epilogues, but since a chapter takes me a full day, and I'll probably need to devote another day on top of that to remind myself of the spirit of the story, so it'll take time and opportunity. But I WANT to finish this. I really, really like it

[ QUOTE ]
How long you gonna leave us hanging? Or is THIS the end of the story?
It has been 29 days or almost a full month (with that month having 31 days).

[/ QUOTE ]

It's not the end yet, no, but there isn't terribly much to go, either. I apologise for being unable to complete this, but with a chapter requiring me to pretty much devote a full work day to it (and the time I have left over, I'm too tired to do anything with), I just physically don't have the time at the moment. I'm trying to graduate and write a rather fat graduation work, so that's occupying my attention right at this moment.

Truth be told, though, I really only have the epilogues left, and while I think they'll be nice and engaging, I do believe I've done all the character advancement I can. More than enough, in fact, as anything more than that will just be scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Again, I'm sorry I'm behind like this. Please understand that since starting this story, I've undergone a pretty severe operation of the nose and gotten seriously bogged down in Java code and network analysis theory, to say nothing of a metric ton of pictures and graphics to illustrate network flow, and it's STILL not done. And I need to have it done... Probably by Monday or thereabout. My presentation is on Thursday, and I still haven't even begun working on a PowerPoint slideshow.

It'll be done-done, just... When I get some more time to do it.

Blue Heart: True hero

What is the meaning of life? It’s a question I had never thought to ask myself. What did it matter? We have so many things we must do in our lives, so much responsibility, so much duty, so much pressure to live up to our purpose, that there is never time to think about it. And even when there is, isn’t it obvious? We find what we want to do, and we do it. There’s nothing to think about. Once upon a time, things had seemed so clear to me, so obvious and easy to understand. Answers are always clear when your life is written for your, when you have chosen a purpose and never even think to deviate. And my purpose was to be a hero. A super hero, in fact, with cool powers and millions of fans.

That was my purpose, the point of my life. But it was an empty, pointless existence in the end. My fans had no faces, my possessions had no value, and my fame... Didn’t really matter. Every night I came back to my hauntingly empty suite and turned on the TV to beat back the lonely silence. There was a single face in my life – my own, looking back at me across the mirror, silent and sad. I couldn’t even recognise myself anymore. Who was that man looking back at me, so sad, so hollow... It couldn’t be me. I’m happy. My life is perfect. Just the way I want it. Just the way I want it...

Years had passed since that time on Earth. I had been through so much, changed so much. I had found someone that... Gave my life a purpose. A point, such that I wanted to live, and wanted to fight on. For so long, I had thought I’d forgotten that crushing loneliness that had haunted me back on Earth. I had thought I’d finally found a life worth living. So eager was I to bask in it, that I had let it slip by. My perfect life was broken, and I had allowed it to break. My cowardice and my foolishness had sunk me. I had finally found something good, something precious, something worth dying for. I should have fought for it, I should have held on to it with all the strength I had. I should have, but I didn’t. I was too afraid of breaking it. I could risk my life a dozen times every day, but this one, single thing I had that gave me meaning... That I couldn’t risk even one. I was a coward, and I paid the price.

Grimwall rejected me. She underwent a change of heart, she found something better, and she simply moved on. Moved away from me. I wanted to get angry, I wanted to hate her for it... I wanted to think it was her fault. But it wasn’t. I should have fought for her heart, I should have taken a chance and told her how I feel. I shouldn’t have sat on my hands and watched my life fall to pieces around me. True, it was her decision, but in the end, the fault was my own. My fault... My responsibility... I loved that woman, and it was my responsibility to earn her love in return. Instead I sat and waited, hoping like a fool that she would simply give me her love as a matter of course. To this day, she blames herself, and it breaks my heart to hear it, because it was all my fault. I was weak and afraid, and for it, I lost everything I had.

I broke my happiness, and I ran. To stand and look at what I’d lost, at what I could never have... Was torture. And then, a familiar sensation emerged from the depths of my heart, one I had thought long buried and forgotten. Loneliness. Darkness. Cold. Hopelessness. The one person I loved, the one person that gave my life meaning... Was lost to me. And there was nothing left, but a dark, gaping hole in my heart. Darkness and pain, oh what crippling pain it was. It is simply impossible to describe it. The kind of pain that physically takes your breath away until you’re gasping for air, the kind of pain that sends shocks through your muscles... The kind of pain which makes you cry tears that will not stop. Pain so great that it dulled my senses and overwhelmed my mind.

And in that pain, I just... Lost it. I lost my will to live, my will to go on. All I wanted was to slump over, to lie down and never give up. To lie down, and simply cease to exist. But my body refused to go down. No, I was a hero, I could not give up. I had a mission – to return home. It had to be done, and I had to do it, regardless of whether I wanted to or not. So I trusted myself to that purpose, I honestly didn’t care. As if on auto pilot, I picked my body up off the ground, and kept moving. In my mind, a singular purpose – return home. Nothing else mattered. No consequence, no danger and injury. Just that one, singular purpose. Anything to keep me alive.

To keep me alive... That’s funny, now that I think about it. Because it wasn’t to keep myself alive that I ran towards the realm of Orr. On the contrary, I was running to my death. I knew I was. Oh, sure, I was telling myself that what I really wanted to do was get my pod and return to Earth, but I was just... Well, aware that I wouldn’t succeed. The Elders now held the capital and sat, quite literally, on top of my pod. I would have to pull it from right under them, and I knew that was impossible. They wanted me dead, and I was delivering myself to them on a silver platter. But it didn’t really matter, in the end. I was already dead in my heart. I just hadn’t lied down yet. I couldn’t simply drop down and give up. My body wouldn’t allow me. I was a super hero, I could never give up. Every time I went down, every time I wanted to just close my eyes and make the pain go away, this obligation would pick me back up and force me to go on. I couldn’t give up even if I wanted to, but I could still throw my life away. It wasn’t worth anything anymore, anyway.

“I’m a hero!” I wonder if that ever meant something. I’ve been using it as a slogan most of my life, priding myself on what kind of cool super hero I was, but... What did it really mean? And the truth is, it meant nothing at all. A childish ambition, driven by stubbornness and greed. I couldn’t afford to lose, because heroes don’t lose. I had to fight on, because that’s what heroes do. And I had to be a hero, because a hero is what I wanted to be. But in the end, what difference had it made? What did all the people I saved, all the crimes I prevented, all the battles I fought... What did they all mean? What difference had they made? I asked myself these questions as I ran towards my doom, and I had no answers. I thought back on my life, on all I had done, and realised with grim resignation that none of it had mattered. Nothing I had done had had any meaning. Nothing at all...

Nothing, except Grimwall. The things I had done for her, the things we had done together, the memories we’d made... Those mattered. They mattered to me, they made me feel good, they made me feel like something had changed. Like I had made a difference. But all of that was lost to me now. I had squandered it. And all the good things in my life now only stood to hurt me that much more.

I ran, and I ran, and eventually, I reached the border. And there, lined up in neat formation, an entire army of monsters waited for me, as if I was expected. It was obvious the Elders wanted me after all I’d done to them. I can’t say I was surprised. I suppose I could have backed off and chosen a different route and cross in a place that wasn’t so heavily defended. But I didn’t. It made no difference to me. I no longer had the will to fight for my own life. All I wanted to do was to get to the capital, and I would go through anything that stood in my way. I was simply too tired to try and too tired to think.

So I charged at the monsters, just like I always did, and engaged them in fierce combat. Individually, they weren’t very strong, and fell to my lightning with surprising ease. But there were just... So many of them. As one fell down, several would move in to replace it. I fought hard, and I fought long. It’s surprisingly easy to fight when hard when you don’t care. I threw out my attacks and took my damage diligently. And though my wounds hurt, it didn’t really bother me. The pain in my heart was simply so much greater that it overshadowed anything my body could produce. In fact, I took some small measure of comfort in my futile battle, distracting myself in the melee and dulling my pain with injury. It made it easier for me to follow my purpose, and fight on no matter what.

But in the end, it wasn’t enough. The creatures had obviously set a trap for me, as they made good use of terrain and their reinforcements seemed endless. I fought them back as long as I could, but eventually they overwhelmed me. I went down in that battle, quietly and resignation. I would have liked to go out with a bang, to fight to my fullest and give this world a battle it would never forget. But I just didn’t have the will or the desire to do so. I was merely beaten down in the street like a common punk. There was no dignity in my defeat, no dignity in my final battle. But it wasn’t dignity that I was after. Merely... A release. I was tired of this life, tired of the loneliness, tired of the endless, pointless struggle. I was tired of trying, always safe in the knowledge that no matter what I did, it wouldn’t matter in the end. That no matter what I did, I would always go back home to an empty space, with only the silence of my own breath and the fatigue in my own eyes, staring me down from the mirror. Everything I tried failed. Everything I touched turned foul. Everything I loved, I lost... And I just had no more strength to try anymore. No more strength to try, when I knew there was no point. For the first time in my life, I give up. I welcomed death and praised it as final release.

But... It wasn’t death I got, much to my surprise. I had thought the creatures would kill me after they knocked me out, but they didn’t. Instead, they had dragged me all the way back to the capital, and I still have the permanent road rash on my back to prove it. The Elders, it seems, didn’t just want me dead. Apparently, they agreed with me in that this would be a release. No, what they had in mind for me was a lot more painful. See, I knew their kind very well. Belligerent, arrogant control freaks who cannot stand being challenged. Well, I had challenged them, and they aimed to make an example out of me.

I woke up to searing heat and indescribable pain. When I opened my eyes, all I could see was fire. At first I thought I was burning, that perhaps I’d survived somehow and been set on fire. But the truth was a lot uglier. As my eyes adjusted and the protective powers of my body kicked in, I was able to see through the flames. It was then I realised the full horror of my plight. I was locked inside a pillar of fire, burning and unable to move. I couldn’t move or escape, but I could certainly feel every bit of the torture the Elders had in store for me. The fire wasn’t going to kill me, not for a good, long while. That much I knew right away, and I’m pretty sure my captors knew this, as well. In fact, I don’t think they wanted me dead at all. No, what they wanted was me screaming in pain, both for their own satisfaction, and so that they could show me off to their subjects. To show them what happens to people who oppose the Elders. I spent what feels like an eternity among the flames, and all the while I could see them talking into their altars and pointing to me from time to time.

You know, the funny thing is just how bad the pain was. And I say funny, because up until I got locked inside a pillar of fire, I was convinced that my mental pain was so great, that no physical pain would ever get through to me. Boy, was I wrong... It’s hard to describe what it felt like. Being burned alive doesn’t quite do it justice, because this was no ordinary fire. I’ve been on fire before, and this felt a thousand times worse. This fire wasn’t meant to incinerate, oh no. It was meant to burn and hurt. A torture device worse than anything I had seen before in my life. The pain it gave me almost drove me insane. The Elders were right – I was begging them to end it, to kill me and put a stop to this pain, and they only laughed at me in return. Slowly but surely, my mind turned blank, with only a single thought remaining – this indescribable pain.

How long did I spend in that fire? Days? Months? Years? I lost track of time. Grimwall says it can’t be more than a few days, but to me, it felt like an eternity. And after what felt like an eternity, something... Very unexpected happened. As if in a dazed dream, I heard a voice. It was a familiar voice, one I had heard so many times before. One that always made my heart skip a beat whenever I heard it. For so long I had heard nothing but the deafening roar of the fire that engulfed me, that this familiar voice jarred me back to my senses. I looked through the fire with blurred eyes, and I saw a shape that looked familiar. The shape of a creature that had nestled deep within my mind from the first moment I saw it, and that had never left me since. A creature that I would walk through fire for... And a creature I thought had abandoned me.

Grimwall... She stood before the Elders. Lord knows how she made it here, but there she was, standing firm against them without a quiver in her voice. She had come for me. Here she was, risking her life to save me once again. She really did care about me. Perhaps she even loved me... I didn’t know, I couldn’t know. But this time... This time I would find out. I could not... Would not lose her again. All I wanted the moment I saw her was to tell her how I felt. To confess my love to her, fear and danger be damned. My life was already forfeit, I had thrown it away to the winds. And even though I still had it, if only just, I had already given up on it. No, right this moment, something else mattered a whole lot more.

And with that thought, my pain subsided. I... Can’t explain it, I really can’t. The burning and the terrible heat were still there, and they caused me physical pain, but... It just didn’t hurt any more. I guess it didn’t matter, that’s the best way I can explain it. My senses were simply overwhelmed with a much more powerful feeling. It may sound simplistic and it may sound out of place, but I was just happy to see her. Happy to know she had come for me. Even if I had to burn like this for the rest of my life, I could stand it. I could stand anything for the happiness her mere presence gave me.

I knew I should be afraid for Grimwall. I knew the Elders were too strong for her to fight alone, and I knew they would not hesitate to kill her. I knew I should be afraid for her, that I should beg her to turn back, but... If I have to be quite honest, I was so, so happy to see her. I knew it was bad for her to come alone, I knew she stood no chance, but not matter how many times I told myself that, it just never sank in. I could never defeat the sheer, unbridled happiness I felt just looking at her. I... Guess I was caught in a moment of weakness. For the first time in my life, I had given up. For the first time, I wasn’t the hero, wasn’t strong and able, wasn’t the one responsible fighting the good fight. No, this time I was the victim, helpless, desperate and afraid. I knew the heroic thing to do was to ask her to leave and die like a man to save her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted her to rescue me, I wanted... I wanted her. Helpless and trapped within my pillar of fire, I had no choice, but to trust my fate to her. I couldn’t protect her, I couldn’t save her... I was a victim, and she the hero.

For a macho fool like me, this was an unfamiliar experience. And yet, I have to admit that it felt... Good. Obviously, it feels good to be rescued from great peril, but it wasn’t just that. It felt good that... That Grimwall wanted to rescue me. That she was laying her life down on the line to save me. Her bravery, her strength, her conviction... These were all parts of her I had never seen... Never looked for. I had known her power all along, and respected her greatly. But I never understood the true power of her heart. I never saw her as the proud, brave and strong person she was. All I ever saw was yet another to be rescued and protected, just as a super hero is supposed to. But the truth is, she was a super hero in her own right, and one, I found then, so much cooler than me. I chose to trust her with my life. To trust her judgement, to trust her power, and to trust that she would never abandon me to my fate.

Grimwall justified my trust. She fought the Elders with amazing strength, far greater than I had ever seen her use. She fought with courage and determination, never giving up and never staying down. And as I watched this amazing sight, there was only a single thought that repeated in my head. “She is so cool, and she’d doing all that for me!” Though I was trapped in fire and at the end of my tether, the only thing I could think of was how lucky I was to have met Grimwall. How lucky I was to have someone who felt so much for me, that she would risk her life for me without a second thought. And it was then I understood what the Great Protector had meant all along. I understood what it meant to be a true hero. It’s not about how famous you are, or how many fans you have. It’s not about how many people you save or how many criminals you put in jail. Having your face on your own merchandise is not what makes a true hero. All it takes, is a single life. A single life to save for the right reasons – because you could not live with yourself if you do not help. A single life to touch, a single life to be loved by, and a single life to be saved by.

Grimwall saved me, as I had once saved her. To me, she was no longer a victim in need of rescue, no longer a statistic, no longer a target I needed to protect. No, she was now and indelible part of my life, by choice and by will, just as I was part of hers. We were just two people who had chosen to be together, to care for each other as equals, and to protect each other to the best of our powers. As she likes to say, she and I, the only two survivors of a terrible world.

Grimwall saved me. She fought the Elders so hard she forced them to back off from me. It was an amazing sight, to watch her use her incredible power with such will and such courage. She threw herself against her old Masters without fear and without a doubt, and she managed to harm them, however little it may have been. And however little it may have been, it was enough. She fought her way to me, trapped in my pillar of fire, and saved me. She just waved her hand, and the pillar burned out. Just like that. She saved my life, but at a very high cost. As I collapsed from my prison, I saw her drop to her knees with exhaustion and pain. It broke my heart to see her wounded and beaten as she was. I understood the hardship she must have gone through for me, and she bore the scars to prove it.

She looked at me with weary eyes, and I could tell she was about to give up. She had fought for me, she had saved me, and she knew she was trading her life for it. She tried to speak to me, but I already knew what she was going to say. Her actions had spoken louder than any words she could have come up with. I knew what she was going to say, and I knew she meant for those to be her final words. But I didn’t need to hear them. Instead, I stopped her with a smile, and picked myself back up on my feet. I had never had the chance to ask Grimwall about her feelings, and she had never had the chance to tell me. But in the end, we didn’t have to. I forced the question when I ran away, and she gave me the answer when she came for me. That was all that mattered.

I knew Grimwall wanted me to run and save myself, but I wasn’t about it. It had finally dawned on me, that my life had had a purpose all along – to be with Grimwall. To fight our battles together, and to keep each other safe. My life, as it were, was meaningless without hers. I wasn’t about to abandon her, oh no. On the contrary, if I had to I would join her in death. On this whole entire world, Grimwall is the only thing that mattered to me. And I would stand by her side, even if it killed me. We had gotten in trouble together, and together we would get out of it. Together we would get out of it, or we wouldn’t get out at all. In the end, it didn’t matter, as long as I stood by her side.

But despite the moment of revelation, we were in trouble. Grimwall may have saved me from fire, but the Elders were still very much out for blood. Not only had I challenged their authority, she had now challenged their power. And they were none too happy about it. Where before they may have wanted to torture me and make an example, now they wanted us both dead, right then and there. But perhaps for the first time, we were ready for them. We stood together, Grimwall and I, adamant and unafraid. We knew we were sunk, we knew we had no chance, but we fought on regardless. It’s really difficult to explain, but I felt an indescribable calmness in my heart. Whatever would happen was going to happen, and we would face it together. As long as we had each other, we weren’t afraid.

And in that... Sentiment, our powers grew. Just a few moments ago, we were both beaten and drained, yet we still got up and held our ground. And I think I know why. Always in my life, I had always had to rely on myself, and my own power. Every battle I’ve fought, I have had to fight by myself. Even when I had help, we were all fighting like individuals that just happened to be on the same side, each of us looking after himself and fighting his own slice of the action. But this was different. This time I wasn’t alone. This time, we were together, Grimwall and I, and we shared more than just our side. We shared our powers in some strange way that no-one has been able to explain since. I felt the heat of her power, and I lent her my lightning, and in that, our powers magnified. Together, we were stronger than just the sum of our powers. Together... We rocked!

Apparently, though, we didn’t rock hard enough. We fought well and we held out for a lot longer than either of us expected, but we could see the inevitable end to our encounter. But that’s not what actually happened. Instead, we were... Saved, I guess you could call it, but the ugliest, most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. We were just starting to lose badly, when this... Thing just floated in through the wall and sort of stood there. It was some kind of ghost, but it looked like someone wrapped a dead pig in oily rags and used toilet paper. And as soon as I saw it, I knew it was pure evil. I generally can’t sense these things, but with that thing, it was pretty much obvious. It looked disgusting and it smelled like... Blood, there’s no other way to describe it. It smelled like dried blood. I was torn between being really, really sickened, and being really, really creeped out.

What really scared me, though, is that it scared the Elders. As soon as it floated in, they sort of backed off into a corner. Normally, they’d talk all high and might get in your face, but this time they just backed off and kept quiet. Instead, the thing spoke, and explained... Pretty much everything, really. It told the story of the world, and as I suspected, it turns out King Guyven was lying. It was his people’s own fault they got killed. Then it explained its plan. Apparently, it had used both me and Grimwall to hurt and distract the Elders, and to provide it with an army. Seems old goody-goody Guyven was in league with that thing, after all. I hope I’ll be forgiven if I wasn’t surprised. But it turns out that... Well, pretty much everyone on this world was rotten, even those who were supposed to be the good guys. Now, I found that out the hard way, but this thing seemed to convince Grimwall, as well.

I guess she had a change of heart about her world, though, because as that thing attacked the Elders, she grabbed my hand and pulled me across the room. She pulled me right into a wall, but it turns out there was a secret passage there that swung around and let us through. We left the Elders and that thing behind to duke it out all they want, and she led me through what felt like fifty miles of dusty, grimy tunnels. It seems her entire citadel was crammed full of them. We travelled a long way through her tunnels, always heading down. I thought we were getting back down to ground level, but it felt more like we went deep underground. Turns out, we did.

Grimwall led me out of the tunnels, and into a huge, open chamber underground. I was immediately struck by how sweltering hot it was, and I soon found out why. A river of what looked like lava flowed through the middle, and ground along the banks was crammed with these huge rusty metal machines. Grimwall said this was her forge which hadn’t been used for years and years, and had been sealed off from the rest of the world. It was pretty cool, actually. There were these giant anvils with huge mechanical hammers hanging over them. Big, big furnaces, piles of colossal metal rods... You know, pretty much what I’d expected a hell forge to be like. Much as I dislike the world of Orr, I have to admit that it’s always full of surprises.

But the biggest surprise was something I never expected to see again – Doctor Division’s space pod. The pod that had originally carried me over to this world. So this is where it had been all along... And I never even knew this place existed. The sphere didn’t work, of course. Division made sure to rig it so that it would fry itself after it landed to ensure I can’t use it to get back. But there was something he had forgotten – I read the same books he did when we were kids, and I played around with technology probably even more than he did. Even if his machine wouldn’t work, I could make it. And, wouldn’t you know it, I had all the tools I needed to fix it in this magical forge Grimwall had hidden away beneath her citadel. Well, I guess even we can catch a lucky break every once in a while.

What was even better was that we were completely sealed away from the world. The hell forge had been built and abandoned after the Elders left and before they returned, so they didn’t know about it, and it was probably a solid mile underground, so no-one from the surface would ever discover it. We were sealed away from the rest of the world, hidden in our little dungeon. And the world upstairs was waging war once again. A pretty big one, this time. But this time, I didn’t care. Like a moron, I had managed to get myself involved in all the intrigues and squabbles of this world when all I really wanted was to do the right thing. Grimwall, too, had fought her Masters’ pointless wars, and for what? Nah, we weren’t about to get involved this time. We had been used by the selfish creatures of Orr long enough. This time, we would work for ourselves.

Well, when I say “we,” I actually mean “I.” I had to fix my pod pretty much by myself, as Grimwall really didn’t know much about electronics or computers. Understandable, really. So she pretty much spent her entire time lying about and watching me work. I understand how she felt, though. We were both battered and bruised and we hadn’t had a real rest in ages. So I was happy to see her take a break from the hardship for a while. Plus, I always thought she looked cute when she’d lie about and watch me. She wasn’t bored, really, more just curious. She kept asking me what I was doing, what this thing was, where that thing went and, honestly, made my work take even longer, but I was happy to see her a little more lively and a little more cheerful. Even though she slowed me down at time, just seeing her smiling face and hearing her cute voice made me work even harder. I knew she was excited about seeing Earth. Frankly, after all the time I’d spent on Orr, I was excited to see Earth again, myself.

So we bided our time in the hell forge, deep underground, while the world of Orr seemingly destroyed itself above us. Eh, if only... We were both content to let these creatures kill each other all they wanted. All we wanted was to get out of here. Neither of us belonged on Orr, neither of us fit in. And though Grimwall at least looked the part, I knew she couldn’t fit in, either. She had a kind, benevolent heart, and that simply had no place on a world of hatred and violence, war and conquest. As a matter of fact, we were more alike, she and I, than she was like any creature of her world. I guess that’s why we got along so well. And we’d need to get along so well, if we’d endure the trip back to Earth, crammed inside a sphere with internal space no bigger than a closet. But we wouldn’t have any problems, that much I knew.

It was just a matter of time before I could get this thing to work.

Red Heart: A person, complete

I ran. Ran across the desert, my body straining under the stress. I ran as fast as my aching legs would carry me, as fast as my gasping breath could allow. I tripped and I fell so many times... And each time I went down, my body begged to give up. It begged me to let it lie there, sprawled on the ash and cinders. To let it stay there and not move, to fall asleep. And rest. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. A deep, maddening fear drove my heart, and a cold, unshakable determination moved my body like a puppet on strings. Though pain shot through me with every motion, I would get up. And just keep going. A singular thought echoed in my mind. “Just keep going.” At that particular moment, only a single thing mattered. I had to reach my old citadel before the unthinkable happened to Tom. I had to save him from his doom, to undo what I had done. Anything less was unthinkable. I could not even consider the possibility that anything could happen to this wonderful man. That something could happen to destroy the beauty of his heart. His fate was my doing, and I alone had to change it.

My doing... My mistake... My foolishness. All my life I had been a fool. Arrogant, possessive and blind. I was born a slave to another’s will, created and moulded to be a tool in another’s hand. And even when left without a master, a tool I remained, looking for the guiding hand of fate to wield me. I had trusted myself to a singular purpose, for that is the only way I knew to do things. But Tom had saved me. Saved me from my hell, from my obligation. He saved my life, and he saved my heart, and he risked everything he had to do it. He risked his own life. And yet, I repaid him cold-hearted betrayal. He gave me freedom, and he gave me closeness, but I gave him nothing in return. No, blinded by my freedom, I never understood the responsibility I had for him.

Tom always says that I never had any responsibility towards him, that as he is a super hero, it should be his responsibility to take care of me. But I know that he trusted me with his heart. I know what he felt for me. That alone gave me a responsibility to protect him. To take care of him, as he took care of me. When a person trusts you, when they feel safe with you, when they open their heart to you and reach out... You have a responsibility towards them. To protect them, to keep them safe... To reach out to them. And that responsibility, I failed at miserably. Tom kept reaching out to me, kept begging for my affection. And yet I gave him nothing. He did so much for me, suffered so much for me, and I... I never paid him back.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I used Tom. He made me feel... Wonderful. And yet while I basked in this feeling, I never thought to give anything back. Worse still, lost in the euphoria of my new-found freedom, I never realised what I stood to lose. So free was I, that I felt it my God-given right to make whatever decision I fancied, to do whatever I pleased with my life. That nothing other than what I chose mattered. Nothing other than me. I was unused to the consequences of real choice, but that is no excuse. No, what I did was an unforgivable mistake, and one born not of innocence, but of ignorance and selfishness.

All my life I had been selfish. All I ever cared about was my feelings, my plight, my fate. Even when I had chosen death to save Tom, I had chosen my death, not his salvation. Chosen to end my life, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to live it. Chosen my death over my unhappiness. Chosen the path for my heart. All the choices I had ever made, I had made for myself. And when I found Tom hurting and begging for affection, I had chosen myself once again. Chosen to stay with my kind, because that is what I thought made me feel better. His feeling, I had never even considered.

That was my greatest mistake. That was my cardinal sin. That was the very undoing of everything I had ever wanted. That one, single act, born of selfishness and ignorance, had rendered my life... Forfeit. But it had opened my eyes. For the first time in ten thousand years, I finally saw myself for what I really was. And I was appalled. I, Grimwall, Empress of Flame and Mistress of the realm of Orr, was nothing more than just another monster, spawned from a terrible world, selfish, violent and uncaring. All my life I had pursued my own satisfaction and my own pleasure, and I had carelessly sacrificed everything I held dear to that one end. I had lost everything, and I had but myself to blame for it. To this day, I hate the person I used to be, resent the things I did. These painful memories haunt me like nightmares in daylight. Sins I could never redeem.

But my eyes were open now. I saw myself for the monster I was, and I realised the full gravity of the mistakes I had made. Of the one worst mistake that had robbed me of my heart. And in that moment, and forever more, one purpose remained in my life – to fix it. To undo my greatest mistake, no matter the cost. Redemption, forgiveness, salvation... All the easy ways out were lost to me, for the magnitude of my mistake. All that I could do... All that I had left... Was to trade my life to fix it. To save the man that I had doomed, even if it cost me everything, for he, I slowly grew to realise, meant more to me than my own life.

As I neared the border of the realm, I steeled my heart for the inevitable battle. I knew full well I would be challenged by my former subjects as soon as I entered the realm, and that I would have to employ every ounce of power I had left just to fight my way to my tower. But... I wasn’t. I crossed the border, and nothing happened. Curiosity took over my body, and I approach a village, even though I knew I should avoid them all. I found it empty, as if deserted. As if... In truth, all villagers had gathered in their temple, summoned there by the Elders. Mesmerized, they watched a scene that made my heart sink. I knew now why I had not been attacked when I entered the realm of Orr. The Elders had their prize. There, in the Elders’ accursed altar, I saw Tom, captured and bound to a pillar of flame, writhing, screaming and burning. This was a demonstration of what happens to dissenters, and the Elders wanted every living being to see it.

Tom burned in wicked fire, and it made me sick just to watch it. But as grim as it seems to say this, this played to my advantage. I knew Tom’s power first hand, and I knew he could resist the fire for a good while. And as the Elders had called all creatures to their altars, I could move about the realm unopposed. What had initially seemed like a doomed venture that would cost me my life and still accomplish nothing now felt... Possible. Hope filled my heart at that prospect, and washed against the pain of self-loathing that had taken grip of my mind. It gave me a moment’s respite, but it also reminded me of my objective – to save the man I love. Lost in my thoughts, it was becoming all too easy for me to just throw myself at the first peril I found and forfeit my life... To stop the pain. But I was here not for myself. I was here to save another. To return a favour.

And so I ran, now as before, for the capital. But for some strange reason, it didn’t hurt as much as before. The pain was still there, of course, as was the shackling fatigue, but they no longer seemed to matter. It hurt to run, but it had to be done. It hurt to fall over, and it hurt to get up, but I had to do it. No, what hurt far, far more was that image forever burned into my eyes. The image of Tom trapped in a pillar of fire, screaming in pain. That image hurt my heart so deeply that my physical pain just... Faded on its background. Pain doesn’t hurt... He was right all along.

I had felt the dark, pervasive malice of the Elders ever I set foot inside the realm again, but as I approached the capital, that feeling became frighteningly physical. It was as if the air itself was sticking to my skin, leaving dark stains and permeating into my body. I remembered that disgusting feeling from so, so long ago. The embrace of my Masters, the corrupting, defiling influence they had on every living being. This infections, slimy stink that polluted the land they ruled over was impossible to forget. It sickened me to think that I had once revelled in it, safe in the knowledge that it meant my keepers were near. But for all the foul, unpleasant sensations it brought, there was something good, as well. This calm certainty that I was finally free of their evil. That I could see these creatures for what they really were. That I was no longer a slave.

My citadel had changed very little, at least physically. And even though it was now polluted with my Masters’ pervasive malice and hatred, moving around it was still fairly easy. I had built it myself, with my own two hands, once so long ago, and I still remembered where door, room and corridor lay. I also knew of the extensive network of hidden, secret passages that snaked their way through the entire complex. In every invasion I had repelled, those had always proved invaluable. And they played to my advantage once again now that I was the invader. They allowed me to quite simply bypass every trap, every locked door, every guard and every checkpoint. My battle lay at my old seat of power, and I could ill afford to be discovered before I could reach it.

In the end, my fate could be delayed no longer. With fear and reluctance, I faced my Masters amid their gloating. Frightened out of my senses though I was, it brought me some small measure of satisfaction that my unexpected interference annoyed them so greatly. And there lay my prize, burning in flames, yet... Strangely calm. Much more so than what I’d seen in the altar. I had thought Tom would hate me for how I had betrayed him, or that he would be in so much pain. But he wasn’t. On the contrary, he looked... Happy. Through the flames, I cannot be certain of what I saw in his eyes, but for just a moment, it looked like... Happiness.

But I had no time to ponder this, for my Masters were quite displeased with my presence, and prepared to do something about it. They aimed to kill me, that much was easily evident. And I knew they could. What’s more, I knew they would, eventually. But I had known that before I even came. The cost of what I wanted to do was simply that high. Too high, in fact.

In the end, it really didn’t matter. I had never expected to succeed. All along I’d known I’m giving up my life for nothing. I didn’t expect I’d be able to save Tom – the Elders were just too powerful. But it was I who had condemned him to this fate, and it was I who had to try to save him, even if I knew I stood no chance whatsoever. I knew my rescue attempt was doomed, and I had accepted that. All I wanted to do... Was to apologise. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for hurting him. How sorry I was I let him go. To tell him what a fool I had been, and what a hero he was. To... To tell him that... That I loved him. I... I just couldn’t imagine losing him before I could tell him how I felt.

And that became my mission. To fight and survive long enough to get Tom out of the fire. The rest... Would likely not be pretty. The battle was doomed, just like every other battle I’d chosen to fight. But I did not need to win it, merely to delay it long enough.

I fought the Elders with all I had in me, and they responded in kind. Their power appeared to have grown substantially. Clearly, they had prepared for a confrontation, where I was still weary from my travel. But if they expected an easy victory, then they were about to get a surprise. I fought back hard. I threw everything I had at them, and then reached deep down for more. I would not... Could not fall before I had delivered my apology. I would not allow it, no matter how much it hurt. And though they could hurt my body as much as they pleased, none of that mattered. My life was forfeit from the start. Nothing mattered, except my mission, and that I would fight for as long as I drew breath.

After what seemed like an eternity of pain and fire, I found myself at the foot of Tom’s pillar. Somehow, in my blind refusal to yield, I had punched through the Elders’ defences and reached my goal. I was at the limit of my power, but dispelling the pillar came easy just the same. With the last bit of my power, I freed Tom, and watched him drop out of the air as I fell to my knees. I was spent, and ready to receive my doom. This one victory, however meaningless in the grand scheme of things, was all that my life could buy. I only prayed it was enough. All that was left now was to deliver my apology and hope Tom would be able to escape alive.

But instead, something... Truly magical happened. As we both kneeled, beaten and exhausted, our eyes met. It was probably for just a second, but the sensation I received felt like it lasted an eternity. I saw Tom’s eyes now, clearly and up close. And what they told me was unmistakable. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t hatred... It wasn’t even pain that I saw in them. No, it was a kind-hearted, unbridled happiness. Happiness the likes of which I had never seen in his eyes. His sadness, his hopelessness... They were all gone. All that was left was this light, aerie feeling that I could not help but take into myself.

And in a single moment, all of my desperation, all of my self-loathing, all of my pain just... Disappeared. All I could see before me was a glowing, smiling face, with those beautiful eyes full of confidence and calm. And at that moment, I understood just how deeply this man felt for me. In this, our final hour, all that mattered to him... Was me. And I, for all my thought of ending my life, could not help but feel the same. In this one, single moment, all else disappeared, except for this one, wonderful man. This closeness, this feeling of safety... I finally saw them for what they were. Not the company of another creature, not the comfort of freedom or the safety of a trusted stranger. No, all of this was a single feeling. Love for another being. The longing for his presence, for his touch, for his voice. With Tom, I felt safe. Not because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but because I knew he would protect me with his life. And because I knew that, even if I were to die right this moment, my life will already have been worth it. As long as we had each other, nothing could ever scare us.

I knew, the moment I saw his eyes, that Tom wasn’t going to run for his life and abandon me. It was simply not his way, and... Despite myself, I didn’t want him to leave me. We were facing our own destruction, and we did so willingly and knowingly, without a doubt in our hearts. We were in this together. Together we would live, or together we would die. But I would not abandon him, and he would not abandon me. So we chose... So I chose... For the first time in my life, I had chosen something other than myself. I had chosen Tom. Chosen to stand by him, no matter the cost.

And so we stood together, staring down our destroyers, with smiles on our faces and lightness in our hearts. No fear, no doubt, no regrets. And from that, we drew new power. Where before I fought with only my own power, digging deep to find as much of it as I could, I now felt the surge of a completely different kind of power. A power that wasn’t even coming from me, but from Tom. We had become so close, that we shared not only our hearts, but our very sources of power. I drew on his power, and he drew on mine. And together, we stood our ground. Our final stand, our final hour, our final time together. We knew what fate we had chosen, and we were determined to make whatever time we had before last as long as we could.

But our fate was not to die a martyr’s death, forgotten on a hostile world. As happens to all creatures on Orr, be they great or small, we had been used by a greater power. As our battle with the six Elders was nearing its end and our doom appeared sealed, we were interrupted. But this time, the creature that interrupted us sent chills down my spine. This was no mere denizen of Orr, no... This was something much worse. A wraith, consumed with darkness and incarnate of hatred, slowly floated inside my throne room. In look, it resembled the Elders, but its aura of malice was different from theirs. It was poisonous, infectious and sickening. Not only did seek to defile any creature it touched, but it burned and warped the walls it touched. So palpable was its evil, that it hurt just to look at it. More frighteningly still, its very presence intimidated the Elders, themselves.

And then, from the mouth of this abomination, I learned the true history of my world. The Blood Lords, the benevolent ancestors I had thought innocent victims, had themselves brought forth hell on Orr. The story Gyven had told me was a lie. It wasn’t the Elders, but the Blood Lords that killed all other creatures on Orr, and who had turned the seas to fire, the mountains to glass and the clouds to smoke. It was they who sought to rule over the entire world and remake it in their own image. And it was their violence and cruelty that had opened the door for the Elders of the Cosmos to step into Orr. The Elders were banned from the physical world, and could only enter exist in places where great evil has summoned them. The Blood Lords’ conquest eventually proved to be their undoing, but the world of Orr was the undoing of the Elders, themselves.

Possessed with greed and arrogance, one of the seven that had crossed over turned on his brethren and tried to take the world of Orr for himself. The strongest and wisest of them all, he nearly succeeded, but ultimately failed. He was locked inside the ground, deep beneath the ever-burning pillar of flame, thought banished for all these years. But he had been biding his time and plotting his schemes. And now was the moment when all his plans came together. He had used Tom to cast doubt about the Elders in the hearts of their followers, and he had used me to awaken the Blood Lord army which now marched on the capital. With him finally leaving his infernal prison, it seemed the age of the Elders was coming to an end.

And in this struggle, we to simple creatures had played our part and become obsolete. Too unimportant to bother with, they said, as they engaged in divine combat. Six Elders together, against the strongest of their kind, with an army of incredible power soon to back him up. An army of what I thought were kind creatures who had been dealt a great injustice. An injustice that I had to fix... All along, the Blood Lords’ destruction had been their own fault, and their salvation nothing more than a grab for power. Just like the rest of feral monsters on this ever-burning rock. Just like this entire world. It was then I realised Tom had been right all along. I did not belong here. I wanted no part in this world’s battles of conquest. This was not my home. It never had been. And these... People... Were not my people. I was an alien on this world just as much as Tom was, never able to fit in, never able to understand, never able to adapt. On this world where every creature was evil incarnate, there was simply no place for someone like me. No place for us.

I wanted to leave this place, to leave all this evil behind. It felt strange to want this. This was my world. And yet at the same time, it was a horrible world that I wanted nothing to do with. All that I wanted from it was Tom, and he would be coming with me. As the Elders battled among each other, we seized our opportunity to run. We left through the same secret passage I had first come in through. We descended my citadel behind the walls and within the ceilings. We descended so much, that we ventured into the very bowels of the land. An underground river of molten metal flowed deep beneath my citadel, and it is over this river that I had built my hell forge, the workshop where all the mightiest weapons and strongest tools of the land were produced. The items produced here had proved so durable that replacements were never needed, so the hell forge had been sealed away from the world for many years.

But it was here, amid the flames and machinery, that I had stored Tom’s sphere after finding myself completely unable to open it. Here, in this cavern sealed away from the rest of the world, doomed to be forgotten and abandoned. Above us, the world of Orr was involved in yet another war of conquest, bathed once again in hatred and violence. It is what the world had been made for. It is what all it ever wanted. Hatred and violence, war and conquest. The mantra I had been bred to believe. Bred to accept without question. I had looked for goodness in the world, looked for creatures that could see past the malice of the Elders. But it seemed, in the end, that I alone questioned the madness of its place. Questioned my own place in it. All the creatures of Orr simply accepted their fate and engaged in their petty wars. It was as if the whole world was cursed with madness. Even the Elders, themselves... I’ve often wondered if it was they who caused this, or if they were infected by it like everybody else.

A great war waged above us, but neither of us cared anything for it. Like fools, we had involved ourselves in the pointless conflicts of this world, taken sides, fought, and been hurt by it in the end. But no longer. Neither of us belonged in this world. Neither of us wanted to live in it. All we wanted out of life now was to get away. Away from the Elders, away from the empire, away from this entire world. Away, to Earth. The world that had spawned the wonderful creature who saved me from darkness, and who brought hope and freedom wherever he went. The world I’d heard so much about...

The travel there, however, was out of my hands. I had worked on Tom’s sphere for years and gotten nowhere. No, it was up to him to make it work, to make it take us back to his home. This was his technology, his world’s way of thinking. On all of Orr, Tom was the only one who could make that sphere work. And of all the place on Orr, we were in the one location that had all the tools he would need to work his magic. I... Would just have to try to keep out of his way. But in truth, I was tired. All my life had been little more than a continuous battle, but never quite like this. The battles I fought for the Elders and the battles I fought as the Empress were all mechanical, all uninvolved. I planned them, led them and won them. But ever since I met Tom, my battles have been different. Harder, yes, but also more important. Battles I could not afford to lose, that I had to dig deep and bring out all the power I had, and more. Battles that always left me battered and bruised.

I was tired and beaten, so I accepted the rest chance provided with open arms. And, I must admit, it was... Nice, watching Tom work. He was always so determined, so focused, attacking a problem over and over again, thinking on his feet and trying yet again. Hard at work and lost in thought, he was... A beautiful sight. Many times I was supposed to be sleeping, yet I found myself away, just looking at him work. It was as if I adored every move he made, every little thing he did. I just liked watching him. In all our time together, I don’t think I’d ever once stopped to just... Look at him. There was always something more important, it seems. But now... Now I just watched and tried to comprehend how something so wonderful could have happened to me. There were times when it all felt like a dream, like I’d wake up in my throne room and none of it will have ever happened. So unreal was everything that had happened to me since I first met Tom, so unlike everything else on Orr, that... I was afraid it wasn’t real.

But it was. All of it. This man, our time together, our feelings for each other... And now our escape. My world up above us could burn in hell for all I cared. There was nothing left in it to care about. All I had was Tom, and the wondrous place he promised to take me to.

And that was more than enough.

[ QUOTE ]
"Millionaire Playboy"
Seriously. One of my character has more money than most countries, and he only 'plays' super hero because he's an arrogant rich snot.

[/ QUOTE ]

This brings up a good point. What about the characters who not only don't NEED a day job, but just... Wouldn't work with one at all. Without thinking too hard, I have a guy who owns his own research and development corporation and works for himself, let's call the, half a dozen others supported by that, one... No, two guys who are dead and technically don't HAVE any expenses as well as a couple of immortal aliens. And when you look at villains, it's even worse. I have... I think three people who's "day job" is managing an evil empire, and pretty much the rest of my villains are being supported by their masters' evil empires. And I'm not even having to think hard.

Don't take me wrong, I don't mind a bit of rested XP, err... I mean I don't mind a few day jobs, but it just seems... Odd, for my brainiac super-scientist to end up cleaning the toilets at the train station because I logged off on the spot when I went hungry yesterday. Once upon a time, it didn't matter where I logged off, because it was assumed our characters went off to live their lives when we were offline. Now it's going to be assumed they'll stay anchored to wherever I left them and work the nearest job? Doesn't that suffer from the same problems secret identities did?

Blue Heart: Hope, faith and consequences

You know, it’s funny how a single emotion can render even the most important things in life meaningless. Achievements, purpose, even life itself, can begin to feel so, so unimportant. All my life I wanted to be a super hero. To have powers, to be respected... To have no fear. When I think about it now, though, what I was always after was none of these things. What I was after was... Happiness. Yeah, I know it sounds corny, but something as simple as basic happiness gives life a lot more substance than all the toys the world has to offer. Even as a kid, I was looking for happiness in an unfriendly world. It’s just that the only way I knew to get it was to take it by force. To have powers, to be strong, to make people respect me. To extract my own happiness out of a world that didn’t seem to want to give me any.

The result, of course, was predictable – a hollow, pathetic existence, always locked in a struggle against increasing odds. Like some vicious circle, I always tried ever harder, convinced that if I just tried hard enough, I’d get something back. Unfortunately, what I was trying to do was meaningless, and would never give me anything back. You can’t force a good thing, and if you do, you just end up breaking it. No matter how much strength you have, you just cannot force happiness. Because it’s not about force. It’s not about power. It’s about finding something precious, about protecting it. And then, you’re almost there.

I remember these teachings even today, the words of the Great Protector. My world revered him as a true hero, and he was always eager to pass his wisdom down to me. I guess I reminded him of himself in his younger days. But I was too young to listen and too foolish to understand. I believed in force, and in getting things done. I believed that the point to having power was to use it. That the point of being a hero was to break things, beat up bad guys and carry people around.

But I found something precious on the world of Orr. An unlikely jewel in an ugly world. I found something that was precious to me in a way I simply hadn’t experienced before. Something I wanted to save, to protect and to spend the rest of my days with. And it wasn’t my power that had earned me this precious thing, oh no. On the contrary, fighting for it was what gave me power.

My precious thing. My precious Grimwall. This strange, beautiful alien woman had stolen my heart and saved my life. And I had saved hers. We were bound together, the two of us, in a common destiny that we had both chosen to share. In this big, wide planet full of all manner of creatures, we had each other, and each other is all we cared to have.

At least, that is all I cared for. In all the insights I had gotten from her, I could never quite pin down what Grimwall felt for me. I hoped, in my heart of hearts, that she loved me as I loved her, but I could never know. Obviously, I could ask her, but... I was afraid. It’s weird how that works, you know. I, Captain Indivisible, the mighty super hero, who prided himself on strength and valour... Was afraid of something so simple. Afraid of asking a simple, direct question. “Do you love me?” Oh, but even today, just thinking about that sends shivers down my spine.

In truth, it wasn’t the question I was afraid of, but the answer. I told myself I didn’t want to upset her, that I didn’t know how she’d respond and so on. But the truth was I was afraid she’d say “no.” I... I could handle not knowing. Just being close to her was enough. But if she said no, then... Then I don’t know what I’d do. I guess... I sort of chose to never ask. I thought that it’s not worth risking rocking the boat. Not worth risking...

I guess it all goes back down to being a true hero. I had found something precious to me, and I could simply not force her affection. I couldn’t even imagine forcing her. I couldn’t imagine opposing her. My heart sang each time I saw my dear Grimwall, and each time I did, all I could think about was this pleasant warmth in my chest. I was afraid to risk this feeling, even if it meant never knowing her true love. I suppose I just hoped that, some day, she would come around on her own. That she would just think to tell me without me having to ask. But there is a very simple wisdom in life – good things never happen on their own, and those who sit and hope for something good to happen always lose. When something good comes your way, you have to grab it and hold on to it with all your strength. Because if you wait too long, you will lose your chance.

But all of that is irrelevant babble. For the moment, I was in heaven. Grimwall and me had just escaped from the Elders’ citadel and ran away into the wilderness beyond the border of the realm. We had become fugitives, enemies of every living creature in the world. But we didn’t care. Between us, we had more than enough power to take on anything short of the Elders, themselves, and as long as we had each other, we were never alone. Never alone, never afraid, and never lost. In a sense, we were free. No longer did we have responsibilities to think about or followers to look after. No longer did we have wars to fight. No longer did we have a purpose, but to be together. We were alone, out there in the wilderness, enjoying life and getting to know each other.

As the days moved on, I began to notice a distinct change in Grimwall. Before, I’d always seen her as the Empress of Flame, an important and reserved person. But as her new-found freedom sunk in, she began acting differently. More like real self, I think. She began laughing loudly in her cute, thin voice a lot more often, and I’d hardly ever heard her laugh before at all. She’d talk to me a lot more, and even seek me out for conversation. She seemed genuinely interested in everything I had to say, regardless of the subject. She even... Touched me a few times, though it was mostly curiosity, the way a cat touches a brand new stuffed toy to see if it won’t bite. But most of all, Grimwall became a lot more liberal about how she behaved. Once upon a time, she had been a laconic aristocrat, speaking carefully and behaving herself. Now she’d laugh, run around, slap me on the back and just generally... Have fun living her life.

It was an odd experience, I have to say. I mean, on Earth I’d never had a girlfriend. Never had enough time. And here on Orr, well... All the people were misshapen monsters. And yet here I was, travelling around with this cute red girl, and I... I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I mean, she was becoming very... Liberal. As time went on, she began wearing less and less of her white dress, she’d change her clothes without warning right in front of me and she’d even sneak up on me and grab me by the waist just... For fun, I guess. She was like a little child that had been let loose to play outside, and she was loving every second of it.

And that was something new, as well. All the time I’d been here, I’d regarded Grimwall as a grown woman, older, wiser and more mature than me. I’d always respected her for what she was. Now, though, I started seeing her as a little girl, active, mischievous and having fun. I have to admit, I found that kind of cute, but... I really didn’t know what to do with myself around her. I liked her a lot, but... I didn’t want to do something weird. Hell, I didn’t even know what to do to begin with!

But that concern grew less and less threatening in time. As we travelled together, we became closer. We were less afraid of physical contact or invading each other’s personal space, and much more open to just... Talking. Even if it was talking about nothing much. And I... Well, I liked spending time with her. I liked looking at her just... Be her. Just be happy. I loved Grimwall, and I wanted nothing more than for her to be safe and to be happy. And... I guess something more, as well, even I couldn’t tell her about it. We spent many days like this, just travelling in an unknown direction. If I could have, I would probably have made that time last forever. It felt so right, so good that I never wanted it to end.

We talked a lot while we were together. Well, actually, I did most of the talking. Grimwall was always curious about things, and I had the tendency to monologue without noticing it, so that’s just how things worked out. She was always curious about Earth, about what kind of world it was. I have to be honest, I really enjoyed telling her about it, because she’d always go “Ooh!” and “Aah!” at everything I said, her eyes wide open. And, I must admit, I just found that face indescribably cute, so I made it my purpose to amaze her with everything I said. I never lied, of course, but you have to understand that our worlds were so different, anything I said sounded amazing.

We talked about Earth a lot, and... Something I hadn’t intended slipped my lips. I offered her a new name – Sarah. It was just a stupid thought that popped into my head. What if she could come to Earth with me? She’d need to pass for human, right? So she’d need a human name. Grimwall gave me a really suspicious look. Really, the idea was just that dumb, I admit. But I managed to think fast and come up with the explanation that the Hebrew word “Sarah” stood for “noble woman of great power” or some such. It was the first thing I could come up with, but she seemed to like the idea, so that ended up being a nice save. If I have to be quite honest, Sarah was the name of my sixth grade math teacher that I used to have a crush on until she moved to a different state, and I’d subconsciously come up with that name just by association.

I felt bad about the whole thing, though, and especially the way I handled it, so I offered to tell her my real name, my “secret identity.” Yes, I realise it’s incredibly stupid to have a secret identity on a world where you’re the only human, you stand out like a sore thumb and everyone knows you. I know. But nobody knew who I really was and, frankly, I wanted to share that with Grimwall. Plus, it was getting a little... Creepy to listen to her call me “Captain.” I had to spend a good half hour explaining why I had two different names, and I’m not even sure she got it at all, but she seemed happy to know it. And it made me happy she accepted it.

At one point, I offered Grimwall to take her to Earth one day. It was little more than a joke, just a distant dream of mine. I was happy she didn’t refuse right off the bat, but as we talked about the details, something... How should I put it? Interesting came up. My one way home was Doctor Division’s pod that had brought me here in the first place. I’d looked for it for years and never found it after “someone” removed it from the desert of ash. Well, it turns out that someone was Grimwall. She retrieved it and tried to learn its secrets. But the thing was built like a tank, so when she ultimately failed, she locked it up in the basement of her citadel. The same citadel that the Elders now made their home in. The same citadel that was now completely impossible for us to get into. Err... Oops?

Oh, well. Honestly, I wasn’t nearly as disappointed as you might expect. Sure, I’d lost my only way back home. But, really, what was there waiting for me back home? I thought about it, and the answer was simple – nothing. On Earth, my life was meaningless. I worked hard, fought crime every day, and for what? Just so I could come back to my empty life and brood over my loneliness? Nah. On Orr, I may have been in hell, hunted by demons, but here I had someone precious, someone important to me. Here, I had Grimwall, and she alone gave my life meaning. So if I wasn’t able to return home, then big deal. As long as I had her, I’d live wherever I had to.

As long as I had her... It had been so long, I’d began to take that for granted. I’d begun to think that I’d always have her, as long as I didn’t mess things up. I wasn’t sure if she loved me as I loved her, but I was happy just being with her. But how long would I be with her? How long, before she found something else she wanted? If I never reached out to her, if I never told her my feelings... How long before she grew distant?

Not as long as I’d hoped. We had travelled a long time, and always I felt good and cheerful about it. But when we found that underpass... That was different. Travelled so far we ended up at the mountains of glass. Walking around them, Grimwall spotted a small canyon leading to an underpass she seemed to recognise. It didn’t feel right to me, but she insisted, so we went. The underpass ran under the mountains for a few miles, then came up into a huge open valley, as wide as I could see and as long as the horizon. And the entire valley was covered in tall, ancient buildings of some sort, almost reminiscent of Mayan architecture. It was a city probably as big as something like New York, and littered with perfectly-preserved dead bodies. Bodies that looked suspiciously like Grimwall.

That place really creeped me out. It was an enormous ghost town where everyone was dead in the streets. Whatever happened there, I didn’t want anything to do with. But Grimwall said she was staying. She was adamant, she wouldn’t even listen to me. I know I’m not very sensitive when it comes to mystical stuff, but even I could tell that there was real, palpable evil in that city. I begged Grimwall to leave it alone, but she just ignored me. I could never imagine forcing her, and I couldn’t allow myself to argue with her, so I stayed by her side. Whatever it took to be with her a little longer, right?

Grimwall told me the story of the place. How it was once a great city of an ancient race that once ruled the world, but how the Elders had come and destroyed it. She believed she was part of that race, and had somehow gotten it into her head that she had to rebuild it. She thought she had to rebuild that ancient empire, and “undo a great injustice with a great justice,” as she kept saying. Now, to me, that sounded so unbelievably fantastic that I could never have imagined how serious she was. I was a fool like that. But I remained by her side and helped her search the city.

If I had had at least a little sense, I would have realised what I was doing. Grimwall had become obsessed with this ancient city almost overnight. And I wanted to be with her so bad that I was putting up with whatever it was she wanted to do, following her around like a puppy and kowtowing to her whim. On Earth, I’d have recognised that as being used, because I’d been used like that a lot. But now... Here... I just couldn’t even imagine it. I loved Grimwall. She would never do something like that to me. She was better than this.

We spent many days in those ruins, looking for Lord knows what. I could hardly even talk to Grimwall anymore. She was always going on and on about her destiny and about her lineage and... About her. We had once been so close, but... We began to grow distant. We no longer talked, we no longer played around. We no longer even looked at each other face to face. But I accepted it. I wanted to be with her, no matter the cost. Call it stubborn or call it foolish, that’s who I was.

Eventually, I stumbled across a secret switch for a secret door that led to a secret cave underground. It was a large, open chamber full of soldiers as if frozen in space. Hibernating, it turns out. Soldiers that apparently belonged to that old race, who had somehow survived. I honestly hoped this discovery would satiate her, and we’d finally be able to leave this creepy place, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Instead, the army we found excited Grimwall even more. She went down on any book and inscription she could find like a rabid dog, looking for ways to awaken her ancestors.

And I... Sort of sat down in a corner. We had used to be so close. We laughed together, we talked for hours... All we had was each other, and all we needed was each other. At least I thought so. But I began to wonder. Was that, perhaps, only what I wanted? Did Grimwall want something completely different? Did she really love me, or was she merely travelling with me to avoid being alone? Had I really saved her from her fate, saved her from her loneliness... Or had I simply been an instrument in her agenda? Once upon a time, I had been so confident I knew the answer to that, but now... Now I just didn’t know.

Then that... King came along. Just walked out of the darkness. King Guyven, he called himself, and he said he wanted to help us. The moment I saw that decomposing husk of a creature, I knew that guy was dirty. I may not know mystic stuff, but I know a weasel when I see one. He told us the sob story of his race – the so called Blood Lords. And I didn’t buy a word of it. It was so nice, so convenient how these powerful, wilful creatures were simply minding their own business, hurting no-one when evil from outer space just happened to come by and destroy their paradise. I knew he was lying. I used to deal with his kind every day back on Earth. Smooth-talking swindlers who could sell a fridge to a penguin, and who turned good people to a life of crime.

I tried to tell Grimwall, but she wouldn’t listen to me. It’s not that she wouldn’t believe me or trust me. No, she wouldn’t even listen to me. She was far too busy fulfilling King Guyven’s plan to even talk to me. She had changed so very much since we came to this necropolis. It was as if she was starting to revert back to her old self. She became more serious, more driven. She became more tense. That lightness of spirit that I’d grown to adore was nowhere to be seen. He charming smile had disappeared from her face. And those eyes, so beautiful and clear... They had changed, as well. It had calmed me down to look at them before, to see the hope and the happiness in them. But now, whenever I looked, all I saw was pain and anger.

Grimwall had changed. Or had she, really? What did I actually know about this woman? How could I know that this wasn’t the real her, and that what I fell in love with wasn’t just... A momentary state? How could I know if she really loved me?

We grew farther and farther apart as the days rolled on, each of us locked up in his dark corner, doing his own thing. I tried to talk to her. Nothing serious, just... Talk. But she was busy. I tried to touch her, but she pushed me away. I tried to comfort her, to be close to her, but it interfered with her research. Pretty soon, it began to dawn on me that I simply wasn’t wanted here. Here, in the ancient city... Here on Orr... I was so close to her physically, mere meters away, yet what I felt was that same cold, empty loneliness that I had been running away from all my life.

I couldn’t conceive of it, I couldn’t imagine it, and yet... I couldn’t deny it. So I had to make sure. I went to talk to Grimwall, and she tried to push me away as usual. I insisted. There was only a single question I needed an answer to. Once, long ago, she had said she wanted to visit my world. All I wanted to know was if she still wanted to do that. If she still wanted to be with me. But she didn’t. Her ancient heritage was just more important to her. She didn’t say it directly, but that is what her cold, brief response told me.

That shattered my heart like it was made of glass. An indescribable pain shot through my body as the realisation of what had happened began to sink in, followed by a deep, overpowering fear. I had hoped this would never happen, feared it like a child and pretended that it was unthinkable. But it had happened now, and it sapped my will to live in an instant. And just like that, I was reminded of an old feeling that I had thought I’d forgotten – loneliness. Terrible, crushing loneliness. What would I do now, that the one person I loved rejected me? For the first time in my life, I was truly afraid... No, terrified. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know who to turn to. I just stood there, staring at Grimwall, hoping against hope that this was just a dream. But it wasn’t.

In the end, I ran. I had to. Tears were swelling up in my eyes, and behind them an emotion so powerful rushed forward that I just couldn’t control them. All I could do was run away before they overtook me. Before my desperation broke out. I had barely made it out of the cave, when my legs gave way from under me and I collapsed to my knees. And from there on, my senses left me completely. I cried like a baby. My tears would not stop. I tried to get up, but my arms wouldn’t listen to me. They were lost to the tingling, shooting pain that came straight from my heart. I simply collapsed into a foetal position and prayed to all the gods to save me from this pain.

But they didn’t. I hoped against hope that Grimwall would come after me and find me there. That she would comfort me and sooth my heart. But she never came. No-one came. There was no-one out there for me. There had never been anyone. All I had was myself, broken and alone, barely able to breathe between my muted sobs. A pathetic, broken man crying to himself where no-one could hear, hurt, tired and alone. All the hope I’d ever had, I’d just lost altogether, to be replaced by crippling pain. And this was the sort of pain that never left me, even in my sleep.

Eventually, it was time to go. I picked my sorry self off the ground, and gave myself a singular purpose – put one leg in front of the other and walk. I had just lost the meaning of my existence, the point to my life. I would have liked nothing more than to lie there, give up, and simply fade out of existence. But now, my old purpose finally shone through. I was a super hero. I could not give up. I could not lose. I had to fight on. I had to triumph. And as much as it hurt me, I got up. I moved, and I walked, and I set off across the desert. In my mind, a single purpose – return home. For all I cared, I could have stayed here and never see Earth again, but it was the duty of a lost super hero to eventually return home. And I couldn’t disagree with that duty any more. At that single moment, there was nothing left keeping me on Orr. Nothing left...

So, I headed for the capital, bent on retrieving my pod and returning home. That was my official plan, anyway. In reality, I was well aware of how things would turn out. The Elders would capture me and kill me for treason as soon as I set foot in the realm. But I didn’t really care. I didn’t care about anything anymore. The one good thing in my life was lost to me forever. Even if the darkness claimed my soul now, it would make no difference. The pain that tore my heart apart as I ran towards my doom was quite simply greater than anything the Elders could inflict on me. In fact, losing my life to their hands would be a release from this torment.

And all throughout my journey back, images haunted my mind. Images of Grimwall, of all the time we’d spent together, of all the fun we’d had... Of all the moments we’d shared. Beautiful memories that, at the time, only served to hurt me even more, to show me what I’d lost. What I could never have. To show me what I missed more than anything else. Not my powers, not my fame, not my honour and glory...

But her.

[ QUOTE ]
You've been featured in the Scoop! Better get that next Blue chapter up!

[/ QUOTE ]

I... Have? Cool, I'll go check it out Accursed illness keeping me away from the 'net

And, yeah, I have the next chapter up. I only hope it does not disappoint.

Red Heart: Under every deep, a lower deep opens

We ran. Away from the Elders, away from the capital... Away from everything. We didn’t know where we were going. We didn’t know what we wanted to achieve. All we knew was what we wanted to get away from, to leave behind us, beyond the horizon, so very far away. It is amazing, this feeling. This freedom of the mind. We had no purpose, he and I, and we didn’t want one. We were free to choose our path, to choose our destiny. We were free to go where our hearts took us. Such freedom I could never have even imagined. I was made to be a slave to my Masters, burdened with duty and responsibility, shackled to a purpose and confined to the infinite line of a singular fate. I was dead, before I was even born, and every day I lived, the obligation that chained me to my fate reminded me of this. It sapped my hope, and it dulled my senses, until there was nothing but cold, soulless resignation that this is just how things were.

We may have been running away from many things, but it is this all-consuming destiny that I ran from. This freedom from obligation... This freedom from responsibility... It overwhelmed me. It filled my heart with a powerful feeling. A feeling of... Calm. I had known calm before, but never like this. In my life, a time of calm had always signified the calm before the storm. It had always signified impending danger, or a situation not understood. Calm, my mind had grown to associate, was a bad thing, the herald of trouble to come ahead. In a world of hatred and violence, war and conquest, that is simply how things were. But this was different. This wasn’t foreboding, wasn’t unsettling. No, it was... As if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. No longer could I see my destiny written for me until infinity comes. No longer did I have to fight back the hopelessness that nothing would ever change. The old evils were simply gone, left behind beyond the horizon. Out of sight, and out of mind.

We travelled long, and we travelled far, alone under the fire in the sky. Just the two of us, alone in this big, wide world that surrounded us. Alone, but never lonely, for we had each other. This bond we shared, this closeness... It was unlike anything I’d experienced before. It confused me. It weakened my body, and sent my mind wondering. Wondering to strange and beautiful thoughts I couldn’t understand. I had grown closer to this man than to any creature in my world, both physically and emotionally. We, the creatures of Orr, always kept our distance from each other, for allowing another close meant exposing yourself to a possible attack. But I trusted this man in a way I cannot explain. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Wouldn’t even consider it. I knew I could turn my back to him, I knew I could allow him close... I knew I could touch him. This... Feeling... It made me feel safe. And not safe in the same way I felt locked behind the iron gates of my citadel, always prepared to defend my throne. No... I was safe in the knowledge that I... I didn’t have to defend myself. Wouldn’t have to defend myself. That I could open up to this man, reach out to him without a fear in my heart.

As time went on, we grew closer. We began learning our habits, accepting our differences and anticipating each other. And we talked. Oh, the marvellous conversations we had... All of them completely out of the depth of any other creature on Orr. He was kind, gentle, persuasive and passionate. Despite the massive power he wielded, he was, at heart, a gentle creature, always more concerned with the comfort of others than with his own well-being. “Pain doesn’t hurt,” he’d often say, and I always wondered, never quite sure of the meaning of these worlds, but always fascinated by the prospect they suggested.

Eventually, we spoke of his home, the world he called Earth. He talked so passionately about it, that I could see how badly he missed his home. But the way he described it set my heart on fire. I could hardly believe a world could be as beautiful as he said, yet I could not deny that I wanted to see it. To see the wondrous place that had spawned such a strange and wonderful creature. It was really sweet how his eyes lit up when I said that. It warmed my heart to look into his gaze, and find none of the loneliness, none of the burden I’d seen before. What he did now, he didn’t dislike. Didn’t resist. No, he wanted this greatly.

That conversation took an odd turn when he offered me a new name – Sarah. That... Shocked me. Why? I already have a name. Did he not like it? His explanation was feeble, but cute at the same time. Just as his name stood out here, so mine would stand out on his world, so he thought it only prudent to “blend in.” He’d picked Sarah, because in his home, the name meant noble woman of great power. I was unconvinced in the need for this, but the title he’d tried to give me flattered me, so I accepted it. In turn, he offered me another name to call him – Tom. I didn’t quite understand his explanation about why he had two different names. His world’s customs were just too alien for me. But I understood enough to know that this was his “true” name, reserved only for people close to him. And I appreciated the gesture. I now had a name to call him by that none of the rest of my world knew about. A special name, just for me. And that made it all the more precious.

Eventually, we spoke of how Tom and I could travel to his home, and somewhat... Embarrassing problem turned up. He was positive that his only means of returning home lay in recovering his “pod.” But what he called his “pod” turned out to be the large metal sphere I’d recovered from the desert of ash shortly after his arrival. Being completely incapable of uncovering its secrets, I’d locked it away and forgotten about it. It now lay within my most secure treasure vault within my throne room in the citadel, right in the middle of the capital city. Well, the Elders now ruled Orr, and they had made my citadel their seat of power. And though they knew nothing of Tom’s metal sphere pod, there was simply no way we could get our hands on it. We’d be spotted as soon as we crossed the border back into the realm, and killed before we even caught a glimpse of the capital city.

I had thought Tom would be sad at this unfortunate turn of events, or angry at me not telling him sooner. Or at least upset in some way. But his eyes didn’t flinch. He smiled, shrugged and we went on our way, always towards the horizon, the empire at our backs, and the light of a new hope in our eyes.

And we walked. Without my portals of flame, now fallen to the Elders, rapid transport around the world was impossible. And with the Elders’ scouts criss-crossing the wilderness looking for us, we couldn’t afford to fly, or use any major powers. So we walked, for days and days. But I didn’t care. I was free. Free to carve my own path, free to choose my own destiny. Free, and no longer alone. I had found someone who was like me, someone I could connect to. Someone I could be close to. But like everything else in my life, I took him for granted.

We travelled for many days, until we came across a place I recognised. It was a small, deep gorge within the mountains of glass that led to an underground passage which eventually crossed the entire range. This path had been burned into my memory for many, many years, but the secrets it held, once the cause of my madness, had long since been forgotten. On my direct insistence, we travelled this ominous path, and reached the place of an ancient secret left forsaken since time began. As we emerged from the passage, a vast, colossal ancient city spanned before us, stretching as far as the eye could see. This was the home of my ancestors, killed by the Elders at the beginning of the world. Killed, buried and forgotten, their lands abandoned, that people may never even knew they existed. The sight of this tragedy brought back memories from a century ago. Memories of anger, memories hatred... Memories of belonging. These were my people, this was my home. I could not allow it to fester on the face of the world like an unwanted boil. I could not allow it to remain forgotten.

I had made a vow many years ago. A vow to return these people to their rightful state of power and respect. To rebuild their empire as grand as it ever was. A vow I had long since forgotten, but that now burned brightly in my heart. A great injustice had been done to these people, and only a great justice could undo it. I was the last of them, and it had always been my purpose to ensure their legacy lived on.

The more things change, the more they stay the same... It was as if I had learned nothing in my life. Learned nothing from everything Tom had done for me. Or perhaps I’d simply forgotten, made blind by my newfound freedom. No longer did I question my decisions. I trusted my heart blindly, for experience had taught me it was always right. I had trusted myself to a singular purpose before, and I had always ended up being hurt. The only good things in my life had come from trusting my heart. This, therefore, had to be a good thing. I accepted that notion without even considering it. Without knowing what an irreplaceable good thing I already had...

Despite Tom’s protests, we searched the abandoned city. We searched for weeks without finding anything. What we were looking for, I wasn’t really sure, but there had to be something left of the ancients that would help us bring down the Elders. Eventually, Tom found our prize – sealed crypt led to a winding staircase, which in turn led to a massive underground chamber. And what we saw in there took my breath away. Bodies, similar to mine, stood upright and lined up in rows and columns, stretching deep into the bowels of the cave. But these were no mere corpses, oh no. These were living beings, frozen in eternal sleep. Cold as ice and hard as rock, their bodies had fossilized, but inside them beat living hearts.

These were my people, the survivors of the ancient apocalypse that befell my world aeons ago. And there were thousands of them, possibly millions, stretching in endless lines deep inside the seemingly bottomless cave. This was my home. This is why I’d always felt I didn’t belong on Orr... Someone had remade it to be something completely different from what it once was. Completely different from this. But this... This is where I belonged. And if all these people could be awakened, then perhaps the rest of the world could be made like this, as well.

I had finally found my destiny, the destiny I had been searching all my life. But in my euphoria, I had failed to notice a dark, brooding shadow growing in the eyes that had saved me. While I swooned over artefacts and pictures, I never noticed how Tom’s heartfelt laughter had grown silent, how his carefree smile had been replaced by a worried frown. And how his eyes, once glowing with hope and enthusiasm had grown darker and colder. I simply stopped looking at him when my obsession with my ancestors took over my mind like a whirlwind. When I knew I was not the only survivor of my entire race. I had thought he would be overjoyed with my happiness, but I simply never understood what he felt in his heart. If only I’d asked, if only I’d looked, if only... I’d listened. But I... Didn’t.

I spent many days in that dark, dank cave, pouring over inscriptions and flipping though old books, desperately looking for a way to awaken my sleeping brethren, but the answer was elusive. Tom stayed with me through every hour of every days, diligently watching over me, and waiting for a resolution with unbelievable patience. But he was no longer as close. With each passing day, we grew more distant, he and I. And I cannot blame him, for it was all my doing. He tried to remain close, he tried to reach out, but I was always too busy to respond. Always too busy to hear him out. I was on a mission, and he would just have to wait. And so he waited. Tired and alone, huddled in a dark, cold corner, he waited for me. Called for me. Reached for me... But I was never there.

After many days of fruitless searching, something unexpected happened. A strange creature walked out of the shadows and approached us. This dried-up walking corpse introduced himself as Guyven, king of the Blood Lords, and last survivor of the Great War. The king of my people... My king... I was honoured to be in the presence of such a noble, ancient creature. Honoured, and curious. I begged for details, and he delivered.

My people were called the Blood Lords, ancient creatures, born of the blood of Orr’s last gods, and rulers of the world for many millennia. Their divine power made them the rightful rulers of the world, and they expanded their mighty empire until it covered everything the eye could see. They ruled justly, and were fair to all living beings, until that day. One day, without warning, a malicious alien force appeared on Orr. Seven wraiths, consumed with darkness and incarnate of hatred. These wraiths possessed divine power, stolen unjustly from true gods, and with it they lay waste to Orr. They turned the seas to fire, the clouds to smoke, and the mountains to glass. They razed the Blood Lords’ cities to the ground, and rebuilt the world to suit their dark desires. A world without will and without intelligence, where they could rule unchallenged and play around like sick puppet masters. As a last resort, a hundred thousand of the Blood Lords’ strongest soldiers were sealed in stone and buried underground, in the hopes that they may one day awaken and set the injustice to right. A hundred thousand warriors, and one king, tasked to watch over them for a million years.

King Guyven’s story filled my heart with anger and rage. And then my duty was clear – to destroy the Elders, to free the world... To set things right. Now I understood what my purpose had always been. I understood why serving the Elders had always felt so wrong. I understood why I’d always felt so alone, while my kind were trapped underground on the other end of the world. I understood it all. At least, I thought I did.

Had I stopped to think about it, I would have seen myself in victory, standing over a freed world, wondering what to do next. Reminding myself how meaningful my victory was, and trying to understand why it doesn’t feel as satisfying as I expected. Wondering, as I had used to, what the point to life really is.

But I never stopped to think, not until it was too late. King Gyven knew how to awaken the Blood Lords, and that was all I cared about. And so we did, but waking them up was the easy part. They would awaken slowly, tired and drained at first. They would need time to be strong enough for battle. Time we would have to wait. I’d thought that to be the least of my concerns. Here where we were, none could find us. We were safe, and with so much to prepare for we would hardly have time to wait. But I was wrong.

Shortly after the warriors had awakened, a chill ran up my spine. I turned around to see Tom. He meant to speak to me. I tried to refuse, busy as I was, but his cold, painful gaze pierced me. He had things to say, and he would not be stopped from saying them. He asked me if I still planned on visiting his world. I flatly refused. To be completely honest, I’d forgotten all about his offer, too preoccupied with my plans against the Elders. I was about to turn around and return to work, when a sharp pain shot through my heart. It wasn’t anything he did or said, it was... The way his eyes changed. For just a brief second, I saw something that shook me to the very core. I saw pain, worse than I’d ever seen in his eyes. Worse than the pain of death. I saw loneliness, so cold and heavy that I couldn’t even comprehend. And I saw resignation. Dark, brooding, hopeless resignation. In just a single “No,” I had brought his entire world crashing down around him.

This man who trusted me... This man who would have willingly given his life for me... This man who saved me from hell... This beautiful, wonderful man was desperately reaching out for me, begging for my help. Begging for my closeness. He was in pain, and he begged me to soothe it. Instead, I pushed him away. And in pushing him away, I hurt him worse than I had hurt any enemy I’d faced in my life. I betrayed his trust, I betrayed his heart... I betrayed him. This man, who was so dear to me, who meant the world to me... I hurt him so, so bad.

“I see” he said. And he left, broken and alone. And I let him. I just... Let him leave. He wanted to stay, he wanted to be with me. He begged me to ask him to stay. But I just didn’t. I made a mistake, for which I will never, ever forgive myself! One, single thing mattered in my life, and like a damn fool, I let it fade away. And no matter how many times claims it’s OK, and that he has forgiven now, I know in my heart that what I did was unforgivable.

Tom left me. It hurts to say it, but he endured a lot longer than he should have been able to, just trying to be with me. He left, and I knew exactly where he was going. He journeyed back to the realm, back to my old citadel. He would try to recover his sphere and return home. Alone. Tired, hopeless and alone, just like I had made him. But he would fail, we both knew that. No, what he journeyed to do was not return home. No, he went to face the Elders only to die by their hand. He had once chosen to give his life to protect mine. And I knew the same state of heart drove him back towards the heart of darkness now.

But I let him go, and I stayed behind. I thought myself far too busy. Too busy... Doing what? I asked myself, and I could come up with no answer. It hadn’t been a day since Tom left, and already I could feel the burning pain of my mistake. I’d found my home, I’d found my people. I would never be alone again. And yet... I was. Surrounded by a hundred thousand of my own kind, I still felt so cold and alone. Their faces were unfamiliar to me, they kept their distance. None of them felt really close. It wasn’t long until I missed that sweet, soft comfort that Tom had given me just by being close. It was simply not possible for anyone else to give me that. I was surrounded by people, both intelligent and self-aware, but I was still so terrible alone. I realised, then and there, that it wasn’t just another thinking creature that I wanted, not just another warm body to exist in the same world with me. I... I wanted Tom. I wanted him and no-one else.

I tried to ask King Guyven if we could speed up the planned attack on the Elders so that we could save Tom from certain death, but he flatly refused. His soldiers were not yet ready, and this man was not important enough for them to risk an early attack. Not important enough... To me? I realised, then and there, that I had given this silly notion of rebuilding an empire more importance than the only good thing in my life. Tom, the most important thing I had... I had acted like a complete fool.

All my life I’ve been selfish. Everything has always been about me. My happiness, my pain, my anger, my desire. Even others, I’d see through myself. Tom was like me, and that is all the thought I’d given it. And in my selfishness and in my bedazzling new freedom, I had simply lost perspective of what was really important to me. I had clung on to Tom so desperately because of how he made me feel, but I never spared a thought about how he must feel. What was he thinking. What did he want out of his life? What did... What did he think of me? I simply never thought to ask these questions. I merely used him to sooth my pain, then I abandoned him when I found something better.

I betrayed him, and he was gone. And I alone stood to blame. But only now that he was gone, could I truly appreciate just what he had meant to me. The hole he left in my heart, nothing else could feel. Not an army of soldiers, not a new empire, not even the destruction of the Elders. He was not just precious to me, I...

There is a feeling that burns within my chest, strong and all-consuming. It is unlike anything I have ever felt, such is its power. It hurts my heart so deeply... And yet this sweet, sweet pain I don’t want to let go of. It hurts, and I want to cry, but it’s good. So very good. When this feeling strikes, the world disappears and time stands still. And when I feel it, I want to hold it, to keep it... Forever. And when it leaves, it leaves me drained and beaten. And it leaves me longing for more. More of this sweet, indescribable pain that gives life its meaning. And each time I work harder and fight stronger, just so that I may experience it again.

Our language on Orr lacks the world to describe this feeling, but Tom had once given me the world with which to say it – Love. Such a simple, common word, it had become commonplace for so very many things in his language. But there is simply no other way to describe what I felt for that sweet, wonderful man. I loved Tom. But I had had to lose him... To hurt him, before I became aware of my own feelings. I had taken him for granted and never understood what he meant for me, until he left, and took my heart away with him. And he, in turns, was always so strong and brave, so enduring and stoic, that I never realised how badly I was hurting him, until he simply broke.

I cursed my soul as I left the cavern where preparations were almost complete. King Guyven tried to stop me, but I just pushed him away. By my soul, I would save my precious Tom from the ghastly demise I had condemned him to. I would find him, I would apologise... I would throw myself at his mercy. Anything... Anything to make it up for him. My mistake was completely unforgivable, so forgiveness I could not dare ask for. I simply did not deserve it. No, I had to undo what I had done. I had to save Tom as he had once saved me. Without him, my life... My heart, was forfeit. Without him, I had no purpose. Even if I had to sacrifice my life to the Elders in exchange for his, it was a small price to pay. Pain doesn’t hurt... I finally understood what he meant. Pain, injury, even death I would willingly accept. Losing him... Was unthinkable.

I hurried on Tom’s tracks, running as fast as I could. I hoped, I prayed that I could catch up to him somewhere along the way, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. He was always faster on foot than I was, and he already had half a day’s head start. I had seen the determination in his eyes. I knew he would not stop, rest or sleep. He would keep running towards his goal, no matter the cost. And if I wanted to have any chance to catch up with him while he was still alive, I had to do the same. No matter how much I tired, no matter how much it hurt, I would keep going. I could simply not afford to stop.

I only prayed I would make it in time.

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It goes without saying, of course, that the story here may have concluded for the time being, but it isn't actually finished!

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No, I agree It's not really finished, I just spotted a plot point where I could end it, and the rest would be assumed to be inconsequential. I'd simply run out of character progression on either of the title characters, and since that's pretty much what the tale is about, it didn't feel like there was anything left to say.

But... I did come up with something. And in-between all the pesky real-life people and illnesses trying to steal my free time, I managed to complete another full chapter. I'm pretty sure just that in itself will make the rest of the story plainly obvious, but it's a shortcoming I full accept. I just LOVE the idea too much to pussyfoot around it. So, yeah, expect a few more if and when I have more time

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Hold it, hold it!
*suspicous* Is this a kissing story?

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I don't believe I'm giving up any major spoilers when I say "Yes, probably." I'm not really certain what the term means, but I can guess

Not immediately right now, though. There's a reason I called the story "A tale of two hearts," and I really wanted to let the prologue allude to where the story would finally get to. I hope that's not a bad thing?

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If only I could find out who took my pod from the desert of ash...

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D'oh!
I'm really digging this, Samuel.
Grog the Big

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Thank you kindly

I just wanted to sort of show that I hadn't forgotten about it, but merely that the title characters had been too preoccupied with... Other things, and neglected a very important item. And, of course, direct the story to its next logical step. "We survived? Wow. I hadn't planned that far ahead. I guess we should see if we can get home now."

And, frankly, though I said I'll put the story on hold (by which I meant abandon it until something brought me back to it, possibly years later), I might have a change of heart. The primary reason I didn't believe I could continue it was because... Well, I couldn't think of any plot paths that would lead between where I left it and where the prologues start. Considering the... Sentimentality on which the story is built, having an extra chapter or two be pretty much dry retelling of events didn't seem very interesting. But I might have found something interesting

No promises, though, but I'm looking forward to at least trying it

Blue Heart: The root of all problems

I spent many nights thinking about the world of Orr. Just trying to figure it out. It was really a paradoxical place. A world filled with wonder and mystery, and populated by so many different creatures. And at the same time, a world that was entirely very single-minded. All creatures lived to fight and hate, all features of terrain were born of fire and seemingly designed to kill or intimidate, and... Nothing else, really. It was almost as if the world had been made by a bunch of angry, hateful children who just didn’t know anything else, so they didn’t think there was anything else to put in their world.

Orr was not a world worth saving, and its people didn’t care to be saved. All they cared about was winning more fights and stealing more spoils of war. Like a fool, I’d let my pride trick me into becoming a tool for them. I thought this was a noble cause, I thought this was something I was doing to save them. But in reality, I was merely their war chieftain, to whom they gave their allegiance just because it promised them a better chance of victory. They were using me. Had been using me. But... The worse thing was that I... I was using them.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a hero. To be strong, to be loved, and to have the power to change things. I wanted to be a hero because it felt good. On Earth I’d pursued fame, because it made me feel important. On Orr, I’d pursued fulfilment, because that made me feel like I was achieving something. But really, all I was doing was looking for were things I could have with which to make myself sleep better at night. Like some glorified thrill seeker, I looked for battles to take part in. I told myself I was doing it because it was right, but all I found, all I wanted... Was honour and glory.

And because of that, everything I touched was tainted. I became a hero, because I thought it was something good. But the cold disregard with which I treated it turned it into nothing more than a job. Save some people, earn some praise, go to sleep. I fought for the people of Orr because I thought they needed saving. I wanted to be their hero so bad that I ignored the obvious signs that they were using me. I’d always suspected in my heart, but I always just brushed it away as impossible. Everything I touched was tainted. Every success I had was hollow. Every good I did came at a price.

My very existence was an empty shell. I spent my whole life looking for something to give it substance, something I could do that would be meaningful. But all I found were meaningless jobs that required my super powers, but did not require a hero. This rebellion I led now was no different. At first I thought it was so cool. The greatest thing I’d ever done. I thought I was saving people. In the end, I was just one warrior out of many, fighting yet another pointless war. I still led the rebels, of course. At the time, I didn’t really have a choice, unless I wanted to be responsible for thousands, maybe even millions of deaths – the demise of all the people I abandoned. But my will to succeed was gone. I put in my hours, lent in my power, pulled my shift and went to bed. There was no heart left in this heartless war.

I began to feel like I’d felt back on Earth – tired, jaded and alone. I was trapped on a world of savages who only cared about “hatred and violence, war and conquest” as their saying went. A world full of creatures, and not even one I could relate to.

Well, there was one. Grimwall. The Empress of Flame. The mistress of this realm that I’d spent so long fighting against. She was different from all of them. She... She had a good heart, hidden beneath the fire and brimstone. I know I had to reason to believe that, but I felt that with a certainty that I just could not deny. She behaved like the rest of this horrible world, but I had seen her eyes, and I knew that deep down inside, that’s not what she wanted. Those beautiful, lonely eyes still haunted me. I could still hear her cute, girlish voice. I could still remember her curvaceous body.

Look, I know it sounds weird coming from me – I mean, she’s an evil alien and all. But there’s just no way to go around this – I liked her. I was trapped in a horrible, evil world. My life had turned into a service for monsters. And the only good thing in my world, the only good thing in my life... Was her. Her beauty, her spirit, her strength of character. She glittered like a diamond in the mud – the one proud and strong being in a world of feral beasts. And even though everyone was always telling me how cruel and evil Grimwall was, I had seen the truth for myself. She wasn’t evil. She was just different. And in this world of hatred and malice, those who were different were hated the most. No, she did what she did simply because it was the only thing one could do on this world – fight, and survive.

Even I, Captain Indivisible, self-righteous super hero, was reduced to the world’s primal state. I engaged in their battles, bowed to their madness and accepted their ways. I was lost in thought... Lost in the search for a purpose. Something that would give my hollow existence any substance. Heh... I guess it’s true what they say – be careful what you wish for.

One morning I woke up the worst headache I’ve ever had. As soon as I opened my eyes, I got this dark, ominous feeling that felt so bad it made me sick to my stomach. My heart was beating irregularly and the air felt like I was breathing grape juice. Everyone in the village was just... Gone. I staggered around and checked some of the huts, until I noticed an eerie light coming from the village temple. I found all the villagers there, sitting around the old altar that was now glowing a disgusting red. Through it, these deep, booming, disgusting voices spoke overtop of each other. I felt a presence so evil and powerful like you cannot even imagine. It was like Lucifer himself had come out of hell with a gang of his friends and was now talking to the people.

The Elders, they called them. In my two years on the world of Orr, I’d heard many legends of the mystical creators of the world, these so-called Elders. They were credited with creating everything from the mountains and the sea, to the many creatures that inhabited Orr. Everyone seemed to revere them as the true masters of this world, the leaders that all had to follow, and the only guiding light there was. To be honest, I thought they were just an old myth, perpetuated by the gullible people of Orr as one more way for them to give themselves a purpose. But I guess on this world, nothing should be dismissed as pure myth.

One thing was certain – these Elders were no benevolent gods. No masters anyone should have to serve under. Now, I’m not generally very sensitive to the mystical side of things, but even I could sense they had a very palpable, almost infectious aura of hatred and malice about them. These Elders were always preoccupied with causing more death and destruction, always looking to involve the people of the world in more wars and more conflicts.

And then it all clicked in my head. Grimwall. That is why she fought me. That same hate and anger I saw in her eyes so long ago, was the same hate and anger these Elders exuded. These twisted, malicious gods who fed on nothing more than anger and hatred, war and conquest. It had been their fault all along. They made her like this. They robbed her of her soul. Robbed this entire world of its will. This is the hell she was trapped in – a world born of evil that she just did not belong to.

I had to save her, I had to meet her. But it was impossible for the moment. As soon as the Elders appeared, they occupied the capital, and I could go nowhere near it without engaging in open warfare. What’s worse is my own people were beginning to abandon me. The fools were returning to the service of the Elders just so they could have someone to serve. It seems that is all the creatures of this insane world wanted – to have some greater to serve, someone to give their lives a purpose. A purpose they could follow without question, and without the need for decision. It is always easier to be a slave, than to be free.

But even though they could have my people’s will enslaved, the Elders could never have mine. I had been through far too much to give it up now. And besides, for the first time in my life, I had a true purpose – to save a soul. To save Grimwall. She was trapped in darkness, forced into anger and hatred that were not hers. Forced to suffer like no creature ever should. I’d always chosen my purpose in life based on what made me feel good, but this time... This time I chose my purpose because I cared for this woman. As it turns out, I cared for her a lot more than I realised.

So I returned to lead my rebellion and salvaged it from collapse. I pulled the deserters back together, reassured the doubters and commanded everyone with strict discipline. This rebellion was my only chance to get to Grimwall, and I would be damned if I let it fall apart before that could happen. In retrospect, perhaps I was using the creatures for my own agenda, but at the time I simply didn’t care. All I could think of was Grimwall. Of saving her. Of helping her. Of at least seeing her one more time.

I realise now that it wasn’t duty or purpose that made me fight to reach Grimwall so hard. No, it was something else entirely, something I had started to think wasn’t even real. Love? Attachment? Stupidity? Call it what you will. On this horrible, lonely world, she was the only good thing. The only thing I liked. The only thing of beauty. The only thing that made living here worth it. I’d fought her for so long, but it always made me feel good just... To be close to her. Every time our followers clashed, every time I had to counter her plans, every time she called me out, it made me feel just that little bit closer to her. To be honest, that was the only thing keeping me in the rebellion after I realised how soulless the people of Orr were was her. I may have told myself I was there because I had to, but in truth, I was there because as long as we fought, as long as we interacted, though indirectly as it may have been, I was still... Close to her.

And when it came time to plan our final battle, that is all I could think of – to see her one more time. I had no idea how I could save her from the Elders, but I refused to give up. I refused to admit there was no way. No, I would face her, if it came to it I would fight her. And even if there was no hope at all, I would still try just the same. She was the only person I’d ever found that made me feel like I wasn’t alone. You may think I barely knew her, but on that strange, alien world, we shared a bond you simply wouldn’t understand. A bond that I could not afford to lose, even at the cost of my own life.

Planning for the final battle was fairly simple, though for the wrong reasons. We were sunk no matter what we did, so it was just a matter of choosing the plan of attack that would bring me closes to Grimwall. And we had to act quickly, before even more of my followers abandoned me. As before, I planned for rebellion to break up in many different places at once, while I stormed Grimwall’s citadel and faced her, myself. And as before, the plan worked out as it was designed. And as before, we walked right into a trap. Talk about déjà vu.

But things were very different this time. This battle I knew I could not win. With the power of the Elders backing her up and pretty much every creature on Orr in her service, I stood no chance of defeating Grimwall. But I’d known that all along. I hadn’t come to defeat her. No, I’d come to save her. To show her that there was still hope for her soul. That she didn’t have to be a slave to this hatred, this malice that her Masters were force-feeding her. To show her that she still had a choice. Just like I had a choice, and just like I made my choice.

I suppose I could mince words and pretend I had some elaborate plan to trick everybody and run away with the princess, but the truth is I’d done the only thing I could do. I’d gone there to die. To die by her hand, and by my own choice. To show her that, even though it sometimes seemed we had no choice, there was always a choice. Maybe then she’d be able to break free of the evil of this place. Maybe then she’d be able to run away.

And there was Grimwall, standing on the roof of her citadel, next to the biggest, ugliest, most disgusting alter of the Elders I’d ever seen, with their ugly mugs shining through it, with those revolting, self-serving grins on their faces. I could see the land for hundreds of miles in every direction, a backdrop to the Elders’ dark magic. And looked that way, it made sense. This world of hell was their creation – hostile, evil and unforgiving. But in this whole picture, a single element stood out. The crimson figure of a beautiful woman wrapped in a snow white dress gently floated in the air, looking at me with sadness and pain. I remembered those beautiful eyes so clearly, and the tortured soul that hid behind them had tormented me in my dreams for so long now. But the fire and hatred I’d seen last time were now gone, replaced with a powerful, all-consuming hopelessness. It broke my heart to see her like this.

Grimwall had become a different person. No longer a slave to her primal instincts, she understood what she was doing and what she felt. Yet she still followed her Masters without question. It seemed they were controlling her somehow. It was clear she did not want to fight me, but it was also clear she had no choice.

We stood there, looking at each other for a few minutes, each of us reluctant to start what we both knew would not end well. Neither of us wanted this battle, but neither of us could afford to back down. It was as if we were both trying to delay the inevitable, to buy just a few more seconds of this strangely alluring calm before the storm.

But the inevitable happened. We fought, and we fought hard. Grimwall’s true power was finally revealed to me in its full glory, and I was left breathless at its magnitude. I could hardly believe that a single creature could hold this much power. Why had she not used it before? If she was this powerful, she could have found me and killed me without batting an eye. But I could not afford to back down. Not this time. I fought back with everything I had, every ounce of power I could muster. And what came out surprised even me. Caught in my moment of desperation, I was calling up powers I never even knew I had. I focused on one single objective – to survive as long as I possibly can. I had to give Grimwall a run for her money, I had to show her my power and my will to use it. I had to make her wake up from this nightmare.

But the battle hurt in more ways than I’d anticipated. The obvious pain from Grimwall’s attacks was vastly overshadowed by the pain gripped my heart with each strike I landed against her. I did not want to fight her. I did not want to harm something so beautiful. I hated myself for everything I did to her, for even coming up with this idea. But I had no choice. I had to hold on.

I held on for as long as I could, until I finally ran out of steam. My power left me, and I dropped to my knees, drained and beaten, and looked up at the face of my destroyer. But what I saw was no destroyer. No, it was a scared, sad, lonely woman whose hand had been forced in destroying me. I thought she’d finish me quickly, but she hesitated. She looked at me with those big, beautiful eyes and apologies. “I’m sorry!” she said. “That’s OK.” I responded. It had been my choice to come here, my choice to stake my life in this. I didn’t want her to feel guilty for it. I’d already hurt her more than enough. I guess I just didn’t expect that to have such significance.

I expected to die, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched Grimwall turn away from me and face the Elders. I didn’t understand what was going on until I felt a terrible, mortifying chill. Then I understood, and my heart sank. Grimwall had chosen to spare my life, fully knowing that her Masters would kill me anyway. Fully knowing that they would kill her, too. This was terrible. This was not what I wanted at all. I wanted to save her, I wanted to free her. Instead, I signed her death warrant.

This was all my fault. Everything. In that single split second before the Elders could strike, I realised what I fool I’d been all along. I played around with people’s lives just because I thought they needed changing, but it was always other people that bore the consequences. My wounds healed, my powers recharged and my life always returned to normal. And even in total defeat, I was still taking an innocent life with me. I hated myself for it, I struggled like an animal against the pain and fatigue, but it was no use. I was defeated and my power was gone. And no matter how much I squirmed, there was just nothing I could do. I, the great and powerful Captain Indivisible, was powerless.

But I admitted something to myself then. I love this woman. I don’t care that she’s not human, I don’t care that she’s from another world. All I care about is who she. This kindness in her heart. Her bravery, her devotion, her sensitivity. I love this woman, and I cannot let her die. It should be me there, about to get killed, not her. It should be me! If ever my powers meant something to me, if ever I truly needed them, then by the gods, let me have them now! I don’t care what happens to me! I don’t care if I die! Please, let me save this woman I love, and then I will accept whatever fate has planned for me. Please let me save her! That’s all that matters to me now...

I hoped, I prayed, I struggled against my aching muscles. And in my head, I prayed that I could save her. Then something... Quite extraordinary happened. I felt an enormous surge of pain so severe that I thought my body was being torn apart. But with that pain, my power came back, greater and stronger than I’d ever seen it. To this day, I don’t know how I invoked it, but at the time, I didn’t care in the least. All I cared about was protecting Grimwall. I had to protect her, no matter the cost.

The only thing I could think of was to stand between her and her Masters and take the full force of their attack with my own body. I expected to evaporate on the spot, but I didn’t. My power protected me. Well, it protected me from damage, at least, but nothing could protect me from the overwhelming, excruciating pain the Elders inflicted. But it didn’t matter to me at this point. In fact, it made me feel good, in a strange way. I felt this horrible pain, and all I could think about was that I was protecting Grimwall from feeling this.

I held up against the Elders’ initial attack, but they just kept on pushing. It seemed they wanted to just burn through both of us together. I knew I couldn’t hold on much longer, so I called out to Grimwall to run. Honestly, I thought she had. I thought I needed to buy her as much time as I could before I let the Elders through. I wasn’t going to give up. I wasn’t going to let go. Only a single thought went through my head over and over again. “Cannot lose.” I could not afford to lose to the Elders as long as I lived. I would hold them back until my body gave out from under me. I didn’t care about living or winning. Right then and there, all I cared about was delaying them as long as possible.

Then I felt something... Strange. A pleasant, soothing warmth enveloped my body and eased my pain. I felt a familiar presence that put my mind at ease. My heart filled with a fuzzy, tingling sensation. I looked to my left, and I could scarcely believe it. Grimwall, who I’d thought long gone, had joined me in my battle with her old Masters. She hadn’t abandoned me to save herself. No, she stood behind to help me. To save me...

I had been a hero for many years, always fighting evil and saving people. But never in my life had I ever entertained the notion that I, myself, needed saving. That I needed a hero. Yet here was this woman whom I had almost gotten killed, who had no reason to trust me, and who had fought against me for so long... Saving me. She fought for me, willingly and passionately. I could faintly see her face smiling back at me through the fire and lightning. Smiling at me, because she had chosen to stand with me, for better or for worse. Chosen to share my fate, whatever it may be.

I could hardly believe it. Could... Could Grimwall feel the same way about me as I do about her? I had accepted my feelings for her the same way as I had accepted my imminent death. I couldn’t help how I feel. But even in my wildest dreams, I never expected... Never hoped that she would... That she could... Love me too. And yet here she was, joining me in doomed combat with a smile on her face and... Hope in her eyes. The sadness, the pain, I couldn’t see them anymore. All I could see was a light, aerie happiness.

I guess her happiness jumped over to me, because the very next moment, my mentality flipped over completely. It went from “Cannot lose!” to “Let’s kick their butts!” Her presence, her closeness, they gave me strength and courage. I’d never felt Grimwall this close before. Close enough to touch. Close enough to hold. This was the first time in my life, when, just for a little while, I wish time would just stand still, and I could live in this one moment forever.

With Grimwall by my side, it seemed that all the pain and effort I usually had in summoning my power was gone. My lightning came naturally, and struck with amazing strength. That, along with Grimwall’s own unimaginable power, proved to be a lot more than the Elders bargained for. I’d thought we were done for, but we managed to hold our ground, and quite easily, too. We were fighting actual gods, and we were keeping up! How cool is that! I mean I’ve seen some pretty cool battles in popular fiction, but this was something else. It’s a good thing we fought it half a mile over the capital inside some kind of flame bubble on the roof of the citadel, or we would have laid waste to a fairly sizable chunk of land. But even with the bubble, a lot of really cool explosions got through. I was later told they’d been seen and heard for hundreds of miles, which I thought was pretty amazing.

In the end, though, they kicked our butts. I mean they’re gods and all that. But they didn’t win, either, an that’s what really counts. See, they wanted to kill us, but we got away. Grimwall slapped them with the huge fireball that blew up like a nuke, then they started weaving some elaborate spell. Well, as soon as they did, we bolted before they could push it out. Yeah, we ran for a good, long while after that, because it seemed that everyone and everything on Orr wanted us dead. As long as I had her, I didn’t need anybody else. I was a little surprised she gave up her position just like that, I have to say, but she didn’t seem to mind. To be honest, I don’t think she ever actually wanted it. I think she was just happy to follow her own destiny for a change.

Did she really love me? Well... I was too scared to ask. Scared of losing her, I guess. I couldn’t be sure she chose to be with me for the same reasons I chose to be with her, but, to be honest, at the time I was just happy to be close to her, whatever her reasons.

But we’d done it! We’d pulled off the impossible. We had challenged the Elders, broke free of our destinies and found each other. Now all we had to do with get off this infernal world. If only I could find out who took my pod from the desert of ash...

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The best thing about this, we already knew SHE survived because of the first posts. We also have some idea of the pleasure she is now enjoying.

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Thanks

I think I have a soft spot in my heart for that kind of narrative - a character who's already been through all the experiences and can retell them with a bit of objectivity and, sometimes, a bit of cynicism, too

I also seem to have come to a... Good place to end this. Let me explain. From here, I could either wrap it up in one (two - one for each heart) chapter into today, or I could invent another big event that would take two chapters (each) to tell, with perhaps a unified epilogue.

And, frankly, my inspiration is starting to run dry, both from my long pause and from me running out of ideas. So, for now, I'll leave it at the next chapter (the one I'm about to post) as the end. I hope you guys like it

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I got some goosebumps!

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I can only hope I don't ruin it

And, thanks. You guys make it all worth it

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You can use my sig whenever you want.
'Course, you'll need her permission if you want to publish any of this.

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Apologies for the late reply, but I like to have a chapter to post before pop back into the thread

And, yeah, thanks for the sig I realise it's not a good idea to borrow from other people's accomplished work without permission, but I was mostly looking at the notion that all men die, but few ever live. I like that idea very much, and it seems I made it one of the basic truths of my story before I even began

Red Heart: The return of evil

Time passed and battles were fought. It was the way of world. The reason we had all been made for. But for me, things were beginning to change. I’d always fought my battles because that had always been my purpose. And my purpose had to be fulfilled, just because how things were. Things were always simple, always obvious and always clear-cut. They who had made the world had made it with strict rules, and those rules were to be followed regardless of how we felt. There were never any decisions to be made. Never any choice. The emotions in our hearts, we had simply tuned out. Such is what we should do, and such is what we did. To even think about it was obsolete.

And yet it seemed all I could do since I met Captain Indivisible in person was think, and wonder. I had my purpose laid out to me clearly – destroy the invader and perpetuate my empire. And so I did, but... The feeling that I didn’t want this haunted me with a power that I had never known before. I did not want to destroy this wonderful creature. I did not want to feel alone again. The thought of it scared me to the very core. I did what I had to, of course, but always knew I didn’t want to. And little by little, I found myself considering the unthinkable.

What if I were to defy my purpose? My life and my memories had taught me that this purpose was the only reason I existed, that without it, my life would have no meaning. And yet this purpose felt so painful, so wrong, so... Meaningless. I managed my empire and fought the rebellion, but I did so out of sheer automation. My heart was simply in another place. A place of doubt, a place of wonder. A place of desire. All my life I’d followed my purpose, blindly and without question, thinking this is what I wanted. But I had found something that I wanted now, and wanted truly and completely. Something else entirely. I was slowly beginning to realise that it was not desire, nor will that had driven me to follow my purpose, but simple duty.

But duty to whom? I began to... Wonder. I was created to serve the Elders, so my duty had always been to them. But the Elders were gone, yet I still followed a blind duty, but to whom? To their ghosts, to their memory? No, it was none of these things. What I followed was simply the only thing I knew. Like a child, I existed in a wide and wondrous world, but I never knew what to do with myself in it. The only thing I knew was what I’d been taught – to find a purpose and pursue it. I simply never had the will nor the courage to think for myself, to find my own purpose. No, I simply clung on the purpose of my former masters – hatred and violence, war and conquest.

Perhaps... Perhaps if I’d had more time to think this through... Perhaps if I’d had more time to see the truth... Perhaps then things could have been different. Little by little, I was awakening from my torpor, awakening to the feelings in my heart. Perhaps, in time, I could have put an end to the madness. But I simply ran out of time.

Then, they came back. One day a terrible, heavy premonition overwhelmed me. Cold shivers ran down my spine and I almost erupted into panic, such was its power. At first I didn’t understand, but I became aware of the seriousness of the situation very, very quickly. Just like that, all the altars of the Elders once again lit up. All around the world, their powerful voices sounded in unison, and all creatures, great and small, heard them. Just as suddenly as they had left, my masters had returned.

My masters had returned, and my first reaction was to be overjoyed. I’d spent such a long time in this world without guidance and without protection, that I thought I’d welcome my creators with open arms. I felt that without thinking, and rushed to the altar inside my citadel to welcome them home. But as soon as I beheld my masters, a very real and very frightening realisation washed over me. I thought I remembered them, I thought I knew them. But I didn’t. I saw their familiar malice, I saw the sticky hatred of their spirits. I felt the dark presence of their souls. All experiences I thought I knew, but all experiences I thought I’d forgotten. So many years I’d yearned to be back in their service, never realising what it actually meant. Realising that now, I was horrified to realise how much... They scared me.

And it was at that single moment that I realised just how much I had changed since the day I was created. Once upon a time, I embraced the Elders’ hatred, made it my own, and made it my purpose. But now... Now that hatred scared me. I’d allowed myself to be consumed by it once, and I knew just where it led. Once, I’d welcomed their orders, never even thinking to question them. Now, their orders felt... Harsh and horrible. Unfair. Even though what I was ordered to do was the same as I’d been trying to do, myself – break the rebellion, kill the alien – I still found I disagreed with them. Why? Why did they want something so wonderful destroyed? I asked, and I received no answer. It was not for me to know, it was for me to do. To carry out my orders. My masters did not need me to have will or to have a heart. No, all they needed from me was my hands, and my fire.

But I had a will now. I had a heart. I had feelings. Precious, wonderful feelings. I had found desire, even if it was the desire for something I could not... Should not have. I’d known loneliness, and I’d know contact. I had experienced life. I had lived. And I yearned to live again. I realised that I did not want to be a slave, did not want to forget... Did not want to lose the warmth that now resided within my heart. Perhaps life did not need a purpose, after all. When I realised that the purpose I’d followed so blindly and felt so terrible about was not my own... I knew I’d lived without one. Lived without a purpose for some time. And I had lived a beautiful life.

Now, I stood to lose everything. My will and my heart were an affront to the Elders. What they needed was obedient service, but my will had become strong and stubborn. My doubts had grown, as had my questions. But I had been made to serve. When they ordered, I could not defy their will.

The battle against the rebels changed overnight. The violence escalated and the death toll mounted, all on the Elders’ orders. They revelled in the fighting, revelled in the carnage. They enjoyed seeing other beings suffer, enjoyed seeing them robbed from their hope and their will. And in them, I saw myself as I had been so long ago. So cruel... So violent... So malicious. I understood then why they’d made us to begin with – not to protect their lands and fight for their interests, but as gladiators whose only purpose in life was to kill each other for their amusement. All the wars we fought, all the deaths we caused... All this for nothing more than their amusement.

I knew hatred that day. Not like I’d know it before, not passed down from above. No, I knew real hatred born of my own heart. Hatred for these evil, wretched creatures. And hatred for myself, that I was allowing myself to help them. To hate one’s self... It’s such a strange feeling. I remembered what kind of person I was so long before, I remembered all the things I’d done, and I regretted them. Deeply. Profoundly. Were it another person, I would have had them tortured and killed. But it was not another person. I had betrayed my brothers and sisters, I had enslaved my world and I now fought to destroy the only good thing left in the world. Oh, if I could take it back. Take it all back. If I could simply never have existed. Was that what Captain Indivisible saw in me? Was this evil all I was to him? I called him a monster, but the sad, bitter truth is that, in this world, I had been the real monster. Just like my masters had always wanted me to be.

I wanted to stop it, I wanted to end it, but the will of the Elders could not be defied. So I followed, with reluctance in my mind and sadness in my heart. For the first time, I realised what I was doing, but I just... Could not stop it. So I hunted him down like a beast, slaughtered his followers and lay waste to entire villages that he’d even just passed through. The Elders did not care about Orr’s economy. No, they had their chosen pray, and were willing to sacrifice everybody else to have their prize. To have their fun.

And the Captain’s fate was growing ever darker. As soon as the Elders returned, all creatures on Orr felt them. All knew of their presence. But of all the creatures of the world, it seemed like I alone resisted. Of course, some took longer to fall under their power than others, but all were unified under the same common goal – to serve the masters without question. I resisted, and so did he. He and I, the only two survivors. But where I resisted in thought only, he resisted in action. He defied the Elders just as he had defied me, and the strength of his presence and the strength of his defiance kept the loyalty of his followers safe. Well... At least for a while.

It soon became clear that even if I did not root out his rebellion, it would simply dissolve on its own. The creatures of the land would return to their makers sooner or later, and abandon him. And not because they were commanded to do so, oh no. Merely because they had not the will or the heart to choose. No, the feral creatures of the land were just that simple, unable to live their lives unless they were slaves to someone else. Unless they had someone else to give them purpose. Just like I had once been. I began to realise that I really did not belong in this world slavery, of hatred and violence, war and conquest. And neither did he.

Eventually, the inevitable happened. Sensing his losing battle, Captain Indivisible was forced to act. As it had before, rebellion sparked in many places at once, and as before, he lead a charge on my own citadel. We had gone full circle, him and I, but the end would be so much different now. I knew full well his rebellion was doomed, and I suspect he knew that, as well. Yet he charged anyway, rushing to his doom and defying his fate to the bitter end. This spirit, this strength of character, they were only a few of the things that fascinated me so about this alien creature. So brightly did he shine against the backdrop of our world of loss hope, that I could not help but be charmed by his glory. He would not back down, not in the face of pain or injury, and not in the face of failure. No, he was the bringer of hope. Hope for the people of this land, that they may one day be free. And hope for me, as well.

But there was no hope in the final encounter of this foreign war. I would win, and he would die. And we would both lose. He would his battle, and I would lose my soul. But he could not challenge the Elders. No one could. Not even I. And when we finally clashed, I could sense how hardship had drained him. His power, once great and obvious, was waning. And his eyes, oh, they broke my heart. Ever since I’d first seen him in my citadel, I’d had the sneaking suspicion that he did not mean to harm me. And in this, our final battle, I could tell for sure. He did not. He fought valiantly, but the drive in his eyes was gone. Instead, a deep, dark resignation struck me each time our eyes met. He fought a battle he clearly did not want to, but he fought a battle he could not avoid.

I had hoped to avoid this. So many times I hoped he’d give up and flee our world as he had arrived, or that he’d surrender to the Elders and become their servant. Anything, but give his life up in a futile battle. But I guess the reason I found him so profoundly fascinating was exactly because he never gave up. No matter the danger, no matter the cost, he saw his battles through. I could not understand why. All I knew is that I wished I could be... Like him. Brave, strong, free...

But he lost. The inevitable happened. Though the Captain’s power had been tremendous and that he had come close to winning on several occasions, he eventually lost. He dropped to one knee right before the dark altar at the very top of my citadel, his final defeat broadcasting to the entire world. And I stepped forth to finish him. I hated myself for what I was about to do, but I could not defy the will of my masters. It had to be done, and I had to do it. It was my fault. It was all my fault. Everything that had happened to this man was my fault.

As I prepared my final strike, I decided to own up to my responsibility. I apologised to Captain Indivisible for what I was about to do. His reply... “It’s OK.” Why? Why was he accepting his fate like this? Why didn’t he blame me? Why didn’t he hate me? I was a monster, through and through, evil, vile and malicious. I had caused nothing but harm and misery to him and his followers. Why? Why did he accept it? Why did he accept... Me? It was not OK. Nothing I did was OK. Nothing... But he meant what he said. His eyes looked up to me, filled with such sadness and disappointment... Such hopelessness, that he broke my heart.

And my hand faltered. I knew I had to do it, I knew it was my duty, but... I could not bring myself to destroy the one good thing in my life. I knew full well that the Elders would destroy us both if I did not carry out the deed, but... I just didn’t care. By my soul, I would not destroy this man, the world be damned. Even if it would still happen, I would not be the one to do it. I could never live with myself if I allowed something to happen to this man. I could never live if I lost him. So if I had a choice, I would choose death.

Death I chose, and death is what the Elders delivered, enraged at my audacity and determined to punish me for all the world to see. I did not resist. No, I wanted this. I realised in that single moment what a coward I had been all my life. It wasn’t that I couldn’t defy the Elders. It never was. All along I was simply too afraid to challenge them directly. Afraid of losing my purpose, afraid of facing their wrath. And that fear had almost made me do an unthinkable act. But I defeated it. For the first time in my life, I was free. Truly free. I made my own choice, and I followed my own heart. And even as I stared into my own doom, I was no longer afraid. As it turns out, there are worse things than death

That my first real choice in life was to choose my own death is perhaps somewhat ironic, but nowhere near what happened next. As I sat there watching the Elders’ mystic energies swell up and reflecting on myself, something unbelievable happened. Captain Indivisible, the man I’d thought thoroughly defeated, stood up between me and my destroyers. He put his body before the power that was to be my destruction and took all that had been meant for me. He took it all, yet he did not perish. I had seen him fall, I had sensed his power fade away, yet there he stood, strong and tall, taking on the combined might of the Elders just by himself. He saved me. He saved my life. Just like that... Seeing this amazing picture, feeling this brave and powerful presence, it... It lit up a feeling in my heart like I could never have imagined.

He commanded me to run. His voice was so strong and determined. He hoped to hold back the Elders just long enough for me to escape. Such bravery. Such heart. Such passion. Such... Beauty. I realised, then and there, that this man was important to me. More important than my empire, more important than my life... More important than anything. This man was important to me, and maybe... Maybe I could be brave for him. I wanted to be brave for him. Never before in my life had I found anything I wanted with all of my heart. All the purposes I’d given myself were forced. Fake... But he... He was precious. He was special. He was worth fighting for. He was worth dying for. He was my purpose, my true purpose. And for him, I could do anything.

I was still confused by the violent maelstrom of emotions in my heart, and it would take many years to full understand them. In fact, even today, I still don’t understand them all. But even if I did not understand why I felt these things, one thing was undeniable – I would not let this man fall, no matter what happens.

So I stepped in and joined him in his epic battle. I have to be honest, I did not expect to make a difference against the Elders, but I moved like in a dream, captivated by the moment. But as soon as the battle was joined, I felt his power. A massive reserve of raw energy, surging forth with frightening strength. This was power greater than I’d ever sense in him. Greater than I could understand. I felt something else, as well. A single, recurring thought that chanted through my mind. “Cannot lose.” The will to hold out against all the odds. The will to hold out for... For me. This will... It was letting him draw on power that I don’t think even he suspected he had. This will to save me.

I sensed this man, then, closer than I’d sensed anyone else in my life. He had opened his heart to me, he was laying his life down for me, and I... I could not help but do the same. I threw down my full might in that battle. Nothing was spared. Nothing I had was more important than holding the line. More important than protecting this precious man.

And it was so... Magical, the way our powers interacted. No mere sum of the our strengths, together we amplified each other’s power in a way I had never expected. And what I’d thought to be a doomed battle, joined only because it felt so right... Wasn’t. Against anyone’s expectations, ours least of all, we weren’t crushed like bugs under the might of the Elders’ power. On the contrary, we resisted with overwhelming strength. We filled the air with such fire and heat as our little world had not seen since its creation. We managed to challenge the Elders, the world’s very masters, and they felt it. Everyone felt it all over Orr, in fact. Our epic battle played out on every altar of the Elders all across the world, and it was visible for hundreds of miles from my citadel.

We didn’t win, of course. The Elders were simply too strong. But we didn’t lose, either. We fought back their power until they grew careless in their fury, and left us an opportunity to escape. And we ran. Away from my citadel, away from the capital, away from the Elders... Away from this very world. All my life I’d built this empire and sought my Masters’ favour. All to be given away in a single moment. But I had found something else, something more important to me. I’d found someone who gave my existence meaning. Compared to that, all else feels so very, very meaningless. He and I, the only two survivors of a horrible world, locked in combat against our fates. But this time, there was hope.